Mom Not Happy About Engagement

Thank you everyone for your helpful comments. Sometimes it helps just to talk.

I can feel your pain. About a week before my boyfriend of 10 years asked me, my mom randomly said to me "if he ever asks you I would not be happy just pretend to be happy." So when he asked me and I went to call my mom I was crying cuz I remembered what she said and that's all I could think of. It was and still is heartbreaking.

Your mom sounds scary re: your potential kids too. I'm glad you know how to respond to this. Good luck. Moms are to support and be here for us as much as want to be there for them as well.

Meg, I understand not wanting to pursue legal action against your own family, but if it was in the will that the money was intended for your education, withholding it from you when you want to use it for that purpose is illegal.

It would take way more details to confirm this, but the way you talk about your mom making all the decisions with your dads money because he is sick, sounds like it could potentially be a form of elder abuse as well. (Not legal advice, I don't know where you're located and whether I even could give you legal advice)

While it's not comfortable, it's also not something that you should let slide.

My mom said the same thing. But, she's not helping me with school. I reminded her than when she got married she was 5 months pregnant and her first husband was an abusive alcoholic. She has since gotten over the fact that I'm getting married 6 weeks before I get my RN. Your mom will either get over it or she won't. Either way, take out some student loans and do it all yourself so she can't complain.

Ok so there is no proof that your grandpa left you any money. If it were me I'd distance myself. In fact, I had to do that with my mom years ago because she refused help for her mental health issues. Yes, people will judge you because they think family should have a free pass to treat you anyway they want to, but not everyone will feel that way. At the end of the day you have to do what is best for you.

When mama is paying, mama is controlling. Time to pay for your own stuff then she can't be controlling.

I am 40, getting married for the first time, gradated from college for the first time this past may. My mom is 78. She has controlled me all my life until now. And she hates it that now I'm with my fh she can't anymore I've moved a half hour away she calls and expects me to drop everything to do stuff for her and when I say no she yells and slams the phone down. I have never felt so free. Do what makes you happy. You are not going to be 30 again.

Your 30 mommy shouldn't be paying for college if she is good for you, and she shouldn't tell you when to get married... time for your big girl pants....

Honestly, you SHOULD finish school first. Planning and wedding and making sure you get a degree aren't stressors that go well together. Plus, think of it as a huge graduation gift to you and him for you to get married! I'm not saying your mom is right for not supporting you, I'm just saying, finish school first.

Honestly, your mom sounds like a bitch. She sounds toxic and controlling. Creating some distance might be the best thing for you at this point. I'm really sorry that she's hurting you like this though.

I have had a similar experience with my FH's brother. He basically flat out told my FH that he doesn't want us to get married and, "Doesn't like this whole wedding thing." My FH and I have been together for 5 years so I know his brother well, but it still hurts to hear someone in your life not support your choices.

I think you do what you choose to do. At this point, you have been with him for 11 years and it's definitely not a rash decision. I definitely suggest maybe putting together a budget of what you want to spend/how much you can afford. If your mom is paying for your education, maybe get the ball rolling with some wedding stuff and start saving.

You have about 2 years to save and plan, so I think finding something that you can afford (and not rely on the parents to pay for because the more they pay the more they have a say).

My FH and I waited until we both finished college to get married so we could help save, but that was our choice. You should do what is best for you!

She's going to hold that money over you for forever. You already said it. 'her money'. Even though you know it isn't... She'll still pretend it is and she'll hold it over you till the day she dies.

If you're not willing to fight for it legally (which sounds risky anyway) I would cut ties and walk away.

Walk /run.

The fact that your mom doesn't like kids is sad. Since you were her kid. Maybe that's why she's such an unhappy person?

She also sounds like my mom. She tried to control everything in my life (even though I was financially independent) and made me feel really bad about myself & where I was in life, even though I was doing pretty dang well for myself! I eventually had to cut her out of my life and haven't spoken to her in 5 years. Honestly, my stress level PLUMMETED without her negativity.

Boundaries are key! Building and maintaining strong boundaries will hopefully prevent you from having to cut her out.