Mom does not want my step mom at my wedding, what do i do?

I believe the best thing to do is sit down and talk to your mom and tell her exactly how you feel. It’s not fair to you, you deserve to have whoever you want at your wedding. Your mom needs to put her feelings aside for atleast one day. Good luck! Hope it all works out.

I would talk to her. Ask her to put her in the step-moms shoes. How would she feel in the other shoes. Hopefully she will understand and not make it difficult on you.

It’s not your mother’s decision who is invited to your wedding. It’s time to stand up for yourself and do what you want to do and what you know is right.

You need to talk to your mom. Remind her how well your stepmom has treated you and that she should be appreciative, because not everyone is fortunate. Some have wicked stepparents who mistreat them.

Parents should love their children more than they hate their ex, in in this case the new wife.

Your Mom’s insecurities or issues with your Dad’s wife is not your burden to bear or your problem to solve. You are her daughter not her therapist. Simply let her know that both she and step mom are invited and you hope she’ll love you enough to attend.

P.S. I just wanted to add, hearts are big enough to love everyone. YOU are allowed to love/like your stepmom without being made to feel guilty for it.

I agree with the other comments here. I would sit down and have a heart to heart with your mom. Be respectful of her feelings, but be firm when you explain that the relationship between her and your stepmother has nothing to do with the relationship between you and your stepmother. You can plan things so they aren't sat near one another. I don't mean to be rude toward your mother when I say this, but I find it very frustrating when parents, or other close family/friends, can't just act like adults, be cordial, and put their personal feelings aside in order to support their child on one of the most important days of their lives. It's not about them, it's about you and your fiancé.

Tell her that is a personal problem that she needs to seek therapy for. Her ex moved on and that is not anyone’s fault. She is silly for thinking someone who helped raise you properly should be banned because she has an issue. That is ridiculous. No one is saying she HAS to get over it (because she could hold onto that bitterness for the rest of her life), but she can be cordial for her daughter for ONE day. Doing anything else would be selfish.

View Quoted Comment ^This! 1000 times, this!!!! There is, unfortunately no point in having a heart to heart with your Mom - all these years later, she is not going to get it. I know from experience, and I'm sorry her bitterness has put you in this position. Do your best to let it go, and tell her you are inviting your stepmother because it is the right thing to do. Period. And maybe also tell her that you expect her to act like a lady and hope everyone has a wonderful time. If she threatens not to go, you say - with a smile - that is unfortunate and hope she changes her mind. Then move on and enjoy this time for what it is.

Do not allow yourself to be held hostage by this situation. I am sorry you are going through it. Now go plan a wedding to remember!

View Quoted Comment Agree, your mom should be mature for this one special day! Seat them on opposite sides of the room so they barely will even have to see eachother?

My fiance had to have this conversation with his mom since his dad's girlfriend is also maybe the other woman. They have been separated for only three years so the hurt is still really fresh for his mom but he doesn't want to hurt his dad's feelings by not inviting the girlfriend. They agreed to both be civil and we are sitting them on opposite sides of the room and aisle. It's really tricky but his mom is remarried and super happy so I think things will be fine. My fiance's opinion was that ultimately the day is for you two and the parents need to focus on you and set their issues aside for one day.

You should definitely invite your step mom. Sounds like your mom needs to grow up and put her personal feelings aside for the sake of your happiness. I mean I get that she has ill feelings towards your dad and step mom (especially if she suspects cheating), but she should really be able to act cordially for ONE DAY. As a parent, I would never put my child in the position to have to choose between me and their other parent. It would not be fair to your step mom to not be invited to your wedding, and even though she is mature, I bet it'd really hurt her feelings.

I think you just need to be upfront, honest, and firm with your mother and say something along the lines of "I hear you, and I understand your feelings, but this is my wedding, and my step mother is important to my father, has become important to me, and is a part of my family now too. I am inviting her to the wedding, and I hope you can find it in your heart to put your feelings aside for one day, so I don't have to choose between my parents on what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. Naturally, I want all of you there, and I am really hoping you can understand that."

Invite your stepmom. Regardless of what's in the past, it's ancient history and she is your family now. Tell your mom that it's important your WHOLE family is there. They don't have to talk to each other or sit next to each other. They just have to exist in the same space for a few hours. If your mom can't handle that, it's up to her to not come. Don't punish your stepmom (and your dad) for your mom's emotions.

Invite your step mom, and tell your mom that she will be invited and that's it. She needs to deal with it for one day. Make sure that leading up to your wedding you let your photographer, coordinator, and anyone else that might need to know that there is bad blood between your mom and step mom. They'll do their best to keep them separate in pictures and seating arrangements. My photographer told me a story about how some parents couldn't be in the same room, even for pictures so when mom was done in the pictures, she'd be escorted out and dad would come in. I'm sure those arrangements could be made for your wedding too if need be. Also, sit them at different tables for the reception.

View Quoted Comment Completely agree. It would be terribly rude not to invite your step mother. I don't think a heart to heart is warranted. Let her know she's invited and leave it at that. If she starts complaining ignore it. It's not something that's negotiable. It's not like you are even asking her to share the spotlight, your stepmom is going to be a guest while your mom will still have the honor of being mother of the bride and all that goes with it.

I think you need to just have a sit down discussion with your mother. It's insane to not include your stepmother, it'll hurt her and your father. Your mother hates her because she thinks something happened, but has no proof. It's been 15 years, she needs to not put herself first on her daughters wedding day. Weddings are big, she won't even have to talk to her.

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This is very wise, very honest advice. I hope you can take it to heart.

As the mother of 3 boys and the step mom to 3 bonus children, I am so sorry that you being put in this position. I cannot imagine putting that kind of pressure or negativity on to our kids on what is supposed to be one of the best days of their life. That is the most selfish thing one can do as a parent. My husbands ex is one who would do something like this (she as tried, time and time again, to exclude us, graduations, dance recitals, etc). Luckily they are great, smart kids who see through the manipulation. But the last thing I want for them is to have anything ruin their wedding day. I have heard my 16 year old stepdaughter say that she is going to elope when she gets married just to avoid the drama she knows her mom will start. That breaks my heart. She has been working on setting boundaries (avoidance is not going to make mom stop, only try harder) and communication as a whole. Learning that "No" is a complete sentence. A rule in our house is that we do not negotiate with terrorists. Right now, your mom is being a terrorist. You set the rules. You do what you know in your heart is right. She will eventually come around or she will not. Then you will know that her anger and resentment means more to her than her love for you. That is not on you. It is something that she is going to have to work out on her own. It's beyond time for her to do that.

I pray this all works out for the best.

Agree, talk to her and let her know. It's your day and you deserve to have the people that you want there supporting you. There's been times that I've had to tell my mom to calm down with and to consider me and think of how bad it makes me feel but if I didn't do it then we'd still be in the same boat.

I am going to be in this exact same boat. My stepdaughter is 8, and I get excluded from everything outside of my own walls. At the rate she has been going, I know that this is coming down the pipe, and it already makes me incredibly sad. I don’t want to miss out on her milestones. I hope that you did stand up to her and invited your stepmom. I’d love to know how that went for you. Please give me hope that someday I will be able to go.

Im the mother of the groom to be. dad left for friend of mine when he was 3 1/2 and baby brother 9 months. they were together n married for 12 years. at both boys bar mitzvahs and hs/clg graduations the stepmom belittled me and put me down. she did everything she could to one up me and make herself look better than me and attract attention to herself. i cant forget things that happened in past still waayyyy too painful. i asked my son to talk to her and ask/instruct her to keep away from me and do not try to come near me or talk to me. he didnt like that idea. feading the comments i get feeling that making that request of my son to talk to wicked stepmom is a reasonable request to protect his mother and and his wedding day. omly engnaged one week but cant stop thinking about it. he is 38 and it is 15 months away

I was married to the BF and he since passed away 6 moths ago. When his Son was married, I was not even mentioned, we were together for 25 yrs and his ex who initiated the divorce, is still bitter after 25 yrs and is scapegoating me for the divorce. She legally batterd my husband for 12 yrs.. She ruined her her marriage with all the lawfare. To give you an idea how bitter she was, we had the Kids on Christmas vacation and they were supposed to be here by Christmas, so she put her 9 and 7 yr old Children on a plane on Christmas day and continued that fo 9 yrs and then scapegoating me for making the travel plans. She is a bitter woman and has not been truthful with her Children. So her and my deceessd husband's name was mentioned only. The bride's parents treated me poorly too . It was awful. My relationship with my step will never be the same again.