moh at sister's wedding (no kids allowed), and will have a 2 month old newborn

]If it is a big wedding or one with music and dancing, I do think it may be too disruptive an environment for the baby to be in - both because you will likely have lots of people coming up to you and the baby (posing a greater immunity risk than a babysitter) and the baby may find it very difficult to sleep or settle.

If it were me personally, I would pay the money for a reputable babysitter to ensure the baby is in its own environment (and to allow mum and dad some time to enjoy themselves) rather than risk a grumpy baby because of the noise and sleeping in a carrier, or (potentially) a sick baby because of all the people around it at the wedding.

Ultimately, you need to do what is most comfortable for you and the baby, and you may need to re-evaluate or reconsider your role as MOH if the current options aren't feasible.

I'm not able to edit the post, but I have tried to explain to her that newborn care is different from regular baby/toddler care, and that newborns mostly sleep, eat, and poop but need to be with their parents. To her, this means a newborn should be even easier with a sitter. I didn't want to upset her by continuing to talk about it, so that's why I'm treading carefully.

I completely understand where you're coming from.

We are also having a child-free wedding and encountered many of the issues you discuss - one of my closest friends was determined to come, even though she'd be 2 weeks post-birth. Her plan was to have her dad come with to look after the baby, and she could leave when she needed to feed etc. I said we had a stream, I'd totally understand if she couldn't make it at all (because driving 2 hours 2 weeks post-birth and wearing a fancy dress sounded like hell on earth to me, I'd want to be in my PJs, with my beautiful precious newborn) but she was adamant. Thankfully, we postponed so her bub will be 6 months or so by our wedding, which is a much more manageable age.

I think you need to sit down and explain to her the realities of having such a young baby, and your very reasonable concerns. Having husband stay at the hotel or in a separate room with the baby rather than hiring a sitter definitely seems like the best option and would be what I'd want, if my sister was in your position.

She needs to understand that once you have a child, the child comes first, and sometimes, that means you miss out on things - and it's lucky that you have a husband who can take the baby so that you can be present on the day. Again, if it was me, being a bridesmaid would be the last thing I'd feel like doing 2 months post-partum!

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That's a good point regarding the environment. However, it's a small/medium wedding of about 45-50 people. The family present will be mostly her fiancé's since my family is very small (just me and my parents), so I'm not really worried about people coming up to me besides a few of her friends who I know. The newborn should be in that early baby coma phase so I think background music will be more like white noise for him?

Mom of two here (mine are now 9 & 13) & I do understand not wanting to leave your child with a stranger. For years I lived thousands of miles away from family while I was a mom. I went to a wedding in Ireland (where my ex-husband is from) & left my kids to be minded by a very nice young woman who looked after them in the same hotel as the wedding. It was very, very stressful for me. It’s tough. I also support your sister’s position of not having young children at the wedding. I am not having them at my wedding & I wouldn’t budge on that. That’s just not the atmosphere I want even though I am having a small wedding of 50 (I actually think it would be less of a problem if I were having a larger wedding, though I still would not want them at the ceremony). Newborns do just fine when left with a responsible person for a day. They do not have to be with their parents 24/7. If you don’t think you can do that & if your sister won’t budge, then you are at an impasse. You can leave them with your husband, go by yourself & have a great time, or you can decline. Don’t try to talk her into making an exception (imo only).

It sounds like your sister is trying to force you to pick between your baby and her which is completely unfair. But as a mom myself, I wouldn't be comfortable leaving my baby with a stranger especially such a young child. What I would do is go to the wedding by yourself and have your husband watch the baby in the hotel room so you have the option to leave as needed to feed your baby and your sister will just have to deal with it. Weddings aren't really the best environment for newborns. We took my daughter who was 6 months old to a wedding and the ceremony, she was perfect for, but the reception wasn't fun. The music was way too loud and she couldn't relax at all. She is normally a very calm chill baby, but she hated it. We ended up leaving basically when the dance floor opened because I knew if we stayed any longer that my daughter would've been a nightmare.

View Quoted Comment I'm very worried about how to get around the feeding constraints honestly, even if we find a reliable sitter. I'll have to step away every hour or two and I won't really be able to control that.


I think I won't push her to make an exception, but I at least want her to be fully informed of what my options are and the reality of what being a new parent entails. She can have exactly the wedding she wants but my husband may need to sit it out. Her wedding is 45-50 people so I'm not sure she'll be thrilled about that option either. If it were a friend's wedding and my newborn wasn't allowed, I'd just plan to not attend but it's really not an option here.

As a new mom myself, this is definitely a tough one. If it's any reassurance, I recently attended a wedding without my 4-week old newborn, and it was surprisingly a breeze. I brought my breast pump with me and the venue coordinator gave me a key to a private room to pump. I missed the entree but they set it aside for me (I had to pump 3 times throughout the reception). But by 4 weeks postpartum I was making more than enough milk to leave a sufficient amount with the babysitter. Of course, everybody is different and you won't know what your supply will be like until you have your baby. However, I wasn't in the wedding and our apartment wasn't far from the venue, which is different from your situation.

I'm in a super high cost of living city and had no problem finding a reputable babysitter for $20/hr, which is generally the norm here. Where are you located where people have to pay $40/hr for babysitting? I certainly don't envy that!

If I were in your situation, I would probably get a sitter at the venue or your hotel. If you're exclusively breastfeeding, then you can step aside into the room you mentioned as needed. But by 2 months, most babies don't feed on demand anymore so you likely will be able to time the feedings, which will make things easier. Of course every baby is different, but ours only ate every 3 hours by 4 weeks old. I think the best option would be to have a sitter (or your husband) tend to the baby in the dressing room of the venue or the hotel. I also wouldn't want to bring my newborn to a wedding because the first round of immunizations isn't until 2 months and bringing a baby to a crowded event before these shots is a bit risky.

It's a tough spot to be in and I feel for you!

I think you're sister is being totally unreasonable. There is no way I would get a sitter for an entire day for my 2 month old. Honestly, if my sister didn't reconsider, I would tell her I couldn't attend.

You and your husband need to decide what works best for you and stick with that decision, regardless of how much your sister tries to pressure or guilt you into doing what she wants. Part of having a child free wedding is accepting that not everyone with children will be able to make it work, so if you decide that your husband missing the wedding to take care of your newborn is what is best she is completely unreasonable to be upset over it. Personally, I think it's unreasonable to exclude breast feeding infants in the first place, and especially if it's the child of a sibling and/or bridal party.

I would also stop worrying about upsetting her. If she truly was concerned about you and your husband being able to enjoy yourselves as she says, then she would actually listen and be considerate of the very valid concerns you have been telling her about instead of just continually pushing her wants onto you and getting upset when you don't give in. You have stated that neither you or your husband are comfortable with getting a sitter, and you're going to be spending the entire day worrying about how you're going to work out feeding your baby regardless of if you get a sitter or your husband watches your baby, so you're not exactly going to be able to relax and enjoy yourself anyway.

Your priority is the well being of your child, while your sister's priority is fulfilling her perfect wedding vision. She has chosen what works best for her (no children allowed) and is standing her ground and not letting your feelings affect her decision. It's time for you to do the same when it comes to deciding who will take of your child during the wedding.

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The distance from the venue does not make this situation any easier, if it were within the city it would be logistically much easier for us. I'm based in NYC and unfortunately the cost of any childcare is extremely high (our monthly daycare will be almost the same cost as our rent for example), and the cost of a regular nanny is about $20-25/hr. But for a one time, day-of babysitter who is experienced with newborns, that skyrockets. Since most people in NYC don't have a car, we plan to find a sitter local to the venue who can drive herself, but then we won't really be able to have her meet the baby beforehand.

I think having my husband sit out of the wedding is our best bet for health safety of the newborn. He'll have just had all vaccines before the wedding and I read that a newborn's immune system isn't mostly developed until 3 months. My sister won't be thrilled with my husband not attending but it seems to be the best option that we feel comfortable with.

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I wish my newborn would be 6 months by the time the wedding rolls around! The timing is really not great, if it weren't my sister, I'd likely decide to not attend as well. That would definitely really hurt her though, so I think I'll plan to explain the reality of having a newborn like you said and hope she understands if my husband doesn't attend the wedding so that he can care for the baby.

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My sister is absolutely not a bratty bride by any means, but I think she isn't clear at all on what a newborn vs toddler is like, and probably also doesn't understand that she can't make the decision of who cares for our baby for me. I think we may introduce formula for the baby in conjunction with my milk so that my husband can skip the wedding entirely and care for the newborn while I attend, like you said. I'll still need to pump and there's literally nothing I'll be able to do about that so I hope she comes to terms with it. We haven't picked bridesmaids dresses yet either (hopefully she'll be flexible regarding shape) so I'll need to go for something that's easy to maneuver in/out of.

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What if you go past your due date and the baby is only 6 weeks old? Or you have a c-section and are still recovering. You have to be prepared for the unexpected. Also, after giving birth many women feel uncomfortable with the changes in their body. For the dress I would recommend something as comfortable as possible. If your breastfeeding, your chest will be larger than normal, sensitive and prone to leaking.

For some women, pregnancy birth and the newborn stage are a breeze. For others, any one of those things can be difficult and for the unfortunate few sometimes all of them. Be good to yourself, talk to your sister and make the best plan for you, your body and your baby

Your sister is not being reasonable IMO. I'm allowing kids, BUT if I weren't I would definitely make exceptions for parents of young babies. My sister is also due a few months before my wedding, and I can't imagine giving her that same treatment. Not to mention that's my niece, I want to be able to see her on that day too. I'm having my sister bring her to my house while we all get ready, her husband is going to have the baby during the ceremony, and then my grandma offered to go back to the hotel with the baby after dinner, so my sister and brother in law could stay and enjoy the reception, but I'm not holding them to anything, I remember what it was like being a parent of a newborn, it's exhausting, stressful and committing to something that is a full day event can seem completely overwhelming. I would never want to make that more stressful on her. I'm sorry you're going through that!

Honestly I think you sister just has no idea of what taking care of a newborn means. I recall going to lunch at a coworkers house when I was younger, before I had kids. She was out on maternity leave with twins (plus she had a one year old!) a group of 5 of us from the office went , and I was shocked that we were all bringing our own lunches and drinks… I was like geez how hard could it be to make us some sandwiches. She’s not working and babies sleep all day. Oh boy!! Ha!! How young, naive and completely clueless was I! I went on to have my own twins and literally slept 2 hours total a night if I was lucky for the first 4 months. What an eye opener! I don’t think your sister is being selfish she just has no clue. She will once she has her own but that will be too late. I would have your husband sit it out, and she will just have to come to terms with it.