Married on paper before ceremony

We will be doing the same thing, for the same reason. (We live in the Toronto area and are getting married in Mexico). Ours is still pretty far out though, so I'm not sure what we will do for the legal ceremony here in town. We may or may not invite our parents to come with us... or we may even invite one couple who we know would not be able to make it to Mexico for our actual wedding.

Either way (just us, or not) I will probably dress up - mostly just because I would feel weird getting married in everyday clothes (not sure why, I just would). I haven't shopped for anything yet (again, too far out).

I had a cousin do this because getting married at his destination wouldn't be recognized by the US. I don't think it's a big deal at all. When they got married at the court house, both he and his bride dressed up and there were about 10 people (friends and fam) in attendance.

I don't think this is as rare as you might think for DW so I would consider carefully about keeping it a secret. Maybe involve parents or siblings? That being said, I think a casual dress would be fine. This might sound strange but putting an overemphasis on the court ceremony kind of seems like cheating. If you're purely doing it for utilitarian reasons, keep it that way. While obviously the legality is the whole point of a wedding, if you're still having everyone fly to Mexico to witness your personal vows then keep the emphasis on that day.

Like Jeanne, I can see the purpose in doing this, but I would strongly reconsider your plans to keep it secret. If your guests found out, they may feel very deceived in spending likely thousands of dollars to fly to Mexico to see what is essentially a reenactment.

We do tons of this kind of ceremony, and I highly recommend it because having a USA issued license, (assuming you're going to be living here) makes everything you need to do that requires it, easier.

Most of my couples treat the 'signing' as a mere formality, without dressing up, doing rings or anything that makes it feel like a wedding.

I'd tell your parents; anyone would understand the logic in doing the legal part this way.

Could we stop with the re-enactment stuff? No one is going to care, trust me. Your parents will probably be relieved to know that you are actually married (because trust me, I've had THAT phone call too.....)

Well, some people do care, that's why it's a thing to say that. I completely agree with you about it being a formality, without wearing a wedding dress, exchanging vows, etc., and most people probably don't care, but there are some that do. I love that some people are relieved to hear that the couple is actually legally married! Such a different perspective

I was at a wedding in Vegas last year, and the couple was "secretly" already married at home. People did find out and were upset. We (FH and I) knew ahead of time, and still chose to make the trip, because Vegas! Fun! But there were some people hurt by it.

Count me as someone who would be annoyed to be asked to spend all that money to come see vow renewal. I can't tell you why, it's completely illogical, and I consider myself usually a practical person, but the only reason to spend all that money and take all that time, IMO, is to be there when the couple actually ties the knot. So, either tell everyone and let it be known, or don't do it, cause it WILL come out, and some people (probably those you would least expect) will be ticked.

I don't think there is anything wrong with this - it just makes it easier, legally. I don't see why your guests would care at all.

As far as what to wear...I would probably wear a cute white dress...like similar to what most wear for their bridal shower! I agree with others, maybe invite close family to be a part of it!

I say yes to dressing up for the Court ceremony and I would also invite those absolutely closest to you (parents, MOH, Best Man).

We did this and told everyone. No one (that I know of) felt like it was a big deal. Just don't lie to your guests, because asking them to come see you get married and lying about the fact that you are already married is a slap in the face. And frankly, we should be honest to the people spending thousands to attend.

But like I said, no one who attended our cared at all. They just wanted to see us speak our vows and then party.

It is a practicality and I'd hardly call a court ceremony a week before a destination wedding a "vow renewal." Come on now.

I would NOT invite anyone to the court ceremony...sure, it's the legal thing you have to do but your WEDDING will be in Mexico.

When is your DW compared to your court paperwork?

I ask because there's a huge difference between:

scenario a: signing the paperwork domestically to make it easier but it not being meaningful at all, then the next week having the actual ceremony. I know this is common in other countries, for example, Mexico, which doesn't recognize church ceremonies as being legal and so they have to be separate.

scenario b: signing the paperwork for insurance reasons or because you want to keep it small or whatever, then a year later deciding you want a do-over and to have the big party, so pretending like you never got married.

The first scenario is totally ok, and that's what this sounds like. Most people object to option b because it's dishonest.

And Celia, yes, people do care about watching their loved ones actually get married. I think it's odd for an officiant to not realize that there are many people in the world who place a special importance on saying the vows and who genuinely like to be present for their loved ones when that moment happens.

I thought everyone knew this? Why would you want a marriage license from a country you don't actually reside in? I can't imagine anyone would be upset about it. That would just be silly. For the paperwork part, if you want to dress up, go for it. My friend said they just went into an office and signed the papers, so it's not as formal as you would expect.

I agree that it should be kept simply as a formality, just signing papers, strictly legal and professional. No rings, no fancy dresses, no celebrations after.

If you're going to keep it secret, then don't tell ANYONE, and how will anyone find out? if you tell one or two people, then yes others are likely to find out, and may get upset (even though I think thats silly to get upset..) Your wedding is the start to your marriage, and it sounds like you will be celebrating your wedding as your anniversary date. The date on the marriage certificate is just the marriage certificate legal date....

I also come from a somewhat religious background ... where in my religion if you don't have a religious leader marry you , you aren't really married in the religion.

We almost had to get legally married the day before our wedding- we couldn't find our license and thought about flying to Vegas to make it legal- luckily we found it.

I wouldn't worry about it... your wedding is not about the piece of paper- it's about you and your FH celebrating your future with all of your favorite people. I wouldn't dress up too much- I've seen full on brides at the court house and it looks very out of place- but I also wouldn't want to wear jeans either. Invite your parents/siblings- its part of the wedding process- go out to lunch after- make it a nice day.

Don't lie to or keep this a secret from your guests. Some people actually do place importance on the legal marriage and view the legal wedding as the real wedding. They will be angry to find out that they spent thousands to attend a destination wedding when the bride and groom were already married. If you decide to become legally married prior to the ceremony in Mexico you should tell your guests ahead of time so they can choose whether or not they wish to spend the money to attend a non-legal destination ceremony.

Most guests have no idea of the requirements of the legality. The people I marry consider the celebration with their friends and family their wedding.

And if you don't think so then just don't go. If you won't spend the money to go to that celebration because the legal license has been signed, then just stay home. If keeping legal score is more important than being part of your friends/family's celebration, then by all means, stage a protest and stay home because getting married the way YOU wanted them to wasn't going to work for them and you'd feel better if they MAYBE got married in Mexico instead of ACTUALLY getting married before hand.

We signed our legal paperwork the next day, and treated it like a non-issue, it was done in 5 minutes. Our wedding was when I came down the aisle, said vows to my husband, and celebrated with my friends and family, not when we signed a document in a commissioners living room . We called it filing the paperwork for a reason, it's important but our wedding day was more so.

Are you referring to me or to the plural "you", Celia? I said the OP's situation seemed fine.

Not to hijack this thread, but I'm genuinely curious, Celia - what do you think about option b like I posed above? Assuming that for the first year after signing the paperwork, they refer to each other as husband and wife and consider themselves married, but don't tell other people that.