Married before wedding

Unrelated paperwork = alternate facts.

The date on your marriage certificate is the date you are married.

If you get married in March but then have a "wedding" in June, you are married in March. That's it. You have a Celebration of Marriage in June.

Legally, you are married in March. If you want June on your certificate and be legally binding, then wait and make it June.

Allyson we'll have to just agree to disagree. Your post, to me, was very offensive and dismissive. You can say unrelated, irrelevant, whatever. The point remains that you don't give credence to the legal act of marriage and simply see it as filing "unrelated" paperwork. To me, that's offensive. To you, it's just how you see it. I'll agree to disagree, but there really isn't anything I've read that makes it less offensive, in my opinion.

@Elizabeth Thank you, I respect that. I tried my best to explain my feelings, but unfortunately it is not so easy to do so on an internet forum. The purpose of my post was only to voice that we all have different views on a wedding and a marriage, and sometimes do things different ways- for many reasons. I did not mean to be dismissive toward your marriage, rather to the opinion that some of us are 'lying' because of the order we are required to do things. You're right, we probably will not see eye to eye on this, and that is ok.

Obviously when it comes to anniversaries etc you can commemorate whenever and however you please. You can either celebrate the day of your wedding - which is when you get married - or the day of the big shindig, like a vow renewal or a union celebration, which it sounds like you are planning.

LOL, Mrs.K&D gets a slow clap for copy / pasting a sticky from The Knot's etiquette forum and not giving credit to the source? Ok. That post has been on The Knot since 2013.

https://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1036614/legally-married-now-having-a-real-wedding-stop-here-first-aka-the-ppd-faq-thread

Your question, as phrased, doesn't have an answer because it presents a situation that is an impossibility. You can't get married before the wedding because they are simultaneous events. And regardless of what anyone believes about their own marriage (i.e., we're not really married although we already signed the license), there are plenty of government agencies who do care -- very much. The IRS and your health insurance company come to mind...

Elizabeth, I can totally relate to what you're saying, and I can see why you take offense at the idea that a legal marriage license, with all of the benefits attached to it, is nothing more than the filing of papers. I think of the images I've seen of countless gay Americans -- some so old that they are in now in wheelchairs -- waiting with baited breath for their turn on the courthouse conveyor belt to exchange their vows, and finally -- after years (if not decades) of waiting for the right to "file papers" -- they have their moment. For many of those people, this website wouldn't even be a thought. Why? Because gowns and tuxes and venues and bouts and buffets and wedding coordinators and bouquets and favors and invitations and DJs and bars and a photobooth and a wedding cake weren't part of their equation. Marriage -- pure and simple...and completely legal and binding. That's what mattered to them, and I do find a certain amount of carelessness inherent in written words that imply that the simple act of marriage -- something unattainable to so many Americans for a shamefully long time -- is as mundane, yet necessary, as filling out a questionnaire in a doctor's office.

And MrsWrs -- it is not "funny how people feel they have a say on when a couple celebrates their anniversary." -- especially when the reason they are sharing those opinions is because a random stranger cared enough about those opinions to sit down at a computer, log into a website, and solicit them. "Has anyone gotten married before the actual wedding date? If so, which date do you celebrate?" is a pretty clear invitation to have your say on when a couple celebrates their anniversary, don't you think?

@emilyS lol !!!

Yikes @ "irrelevant legal wedding." I'm not even gonna touch that.

I think it depends - if you have to get married a couple days before a destination wedding (because marrying at a destination can sometimes be tricky) then it's not a big deal. Celebrate the 10th, the 12th, whatever. But getting married and then having a "party" months later always seems weird to me. Do you just pretend you're not actually married all those months? I don't get it. But it's your anniversary, celebrate whenever you want, I guess.

I'm getting sealed on 6/17/17 and we are having a ceremony and reception on 6/18/17. We will sign our license on the 17 I believe. But we are going to celebrate it on the 18 because no one in my family knows we are going to be legally married the day before.

@allyson you do know that priests can do the legal paperwork part too right? You just bring it to your religious ceremony and they sign it. Is there a reason you aren't doing that? Also I'm pretty sure the government doesn't find that paperwork irrelevant. That's how you get benefits and such when your spouse dies or is injured etc.

@Centerpiece thank you for your eloquent post yet again. I agree with every single word.

ETA: @MrsWrs the fact that she didn't ask what day she should celebrate doesn't matter. People will respond how they want and Centerpiece is right that her question poses an impossibility.

The day you choose to celebrate being married is your choice. I swear no one will care.

At least I wouldn't if you were my family or friend.

Edited: But you should tell your family and friends of your plans

@MrsWrs only if you try and tell us your birthday is saturday

@MrsWrs The problem is when people get married in a civil ceremony and then lie about the renewal or celebration and tell everyone that is their date. They can celebrate whatever they want whenever they want. But it is disrespectful to lie to your friends and family.

Me and FH have to get married before the Destination Wedding date. We will celebrate the actual date of our initial wedding. And minor celebration on the DW date.

"@Elizabeth I know people will respond how they want. And I'm not telling them not to. But, I stand by what I said. It's funny people think they have a say. If my birthday is on a Wednesday, and I decide to celebrate on a Saturday, are you guys going to have a strong opinion on that too?"

If you lie about it, say it's on Saturday, and ask people to take time off work, buy airline tickets, reserve hotel rooms, get all dolled up, and spend a fortune to celebrate "on your birthday," yes, I will.

Emily, I wasn't trying to steal the info from the original source, I just thought it was against CG to mention other wedding websites/forums. Anyways, I thought it was a well written piece.

@MrsWrs and I totally get that, but a lot of times this situation comes about after the couple lies in the first place

@MrsWrs I don't think she did, but I thought I saw another poster saying something about it, my comment for more of a general statement rather than directed at OP since others get advice from posts that aren't their own