Married before wedding

The day you actually get married. That's your wedding date

My best friend did. They technically were married in April so that she could go on her husbands insurance once she turned 27. The actual wedding was not until July. They go by the July date.

The day that you get married is your wedding date.

I think I would go by my wedding date..?

The date on your marriage certificate is the day you get married and have your wedding, anything after that is a vow renewal.

It's what you'd like it to be. You can celebrate it on the legal day or the symbolic day

The day that you get legally wed is the day you celebrate.

Whichever you prefer.

If you are married before your "wedding" it is no longer a wedding, it is a vow renewal. The day you get married is the day you would celebrate, although I do know some people that do something for each date.

The day you get married is your wedding day. Do you mean celebrating it on a different day?

Why would you celebrate any other day than the one you actually got married on? Your "wedding" isn't going to be a wedding btw, it'll be a celebration of marriage.

I have a good friend who got married on a specific day, then planned a vow renewal a few year later when her husband returned from military service. They choose to celebrate their anniversary on the date of the renewal ( there's only a few weeks difference between the two dates), but the actual wedding date goes on any paperwork/is said if someone asks the date of their marriage.

Celebrate it whenever you want. Twice a year even if that makes sense to you. Obviously, for legal purposes, your wedding day is the day that you get married but no one can tell you when you should celebrate the anniversary.

I have a couple friends that did and they celebrate on the day of the wedding celebration. Not the date they signed papers. It's really up to you. I asked a friend once and she said that the paper signing was just that. Nothing emotional or symbolic about it. It was just for insurance reasons. Their wedding celebration was when they actually felt married.

We are getting married through the church a year before the wedding to change my last name sooner. It will only be us and our parents to witness it. The wedding will be on a separate date, next year as a renewal of vows in front of our families and friends.

If you get married before, please tell your guests. I was in a wedding and spent a lot of money to be in the wedding and I found out a little before the "wedding" she was already married. They celebrate the fake wedding date and I'm pretty sure most of the guests don't know any different. If you get married before the wedding, your wedding is a vow renewal. Don't lie to people.

It can be whatever you want. FH and i are getting married at the JOP to be legally married before our destination wedding in cancun. There are just lots of hoops you have to jump through to get married in Mexico that we'd rather not deal with. But we won't consider that "our wedding date". We will consider the day we get married in Mexico as our wedding day.

Did I miss a memo about bait posts today, or...?

@Britny I don't understand. Why do you want to change your name sooner? What's the big deal?

It's impossible to get married before your wedding because the day you get married IS your wedding. Anything after the fact is not a wedding. It's a vow renewal.

Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Read this:

It’s time to address another very common question from posters. Every week, many new members find the Etiquette or Reception Ideas forums and post something similar to the following:

“Hi everyone! I’m just starting to plan my wedding and I’m looking for ideas on how to make it really special. My FI and I were married at the courthouse a few months ago, but now it’s time to plan our real wedding!”

or

“Hi, I’m wondering how to plan my formal wedding - where do I start? We signed our marriage license and made it legal last year because my FI lost his job and needed insurance coverage, but we didn’t get to have the wedding we always dreamed of.”

or

“My FI and I were legally married last year in secret because he was being deployed and we wanted to make sure I was covered by his military benefits and would be notified immediately if anything happened to him - now he’s back and we’re getting married for real! Any cute ideas for how to ask my friend to be my Maid of Honor?”

Hopefully, you get the idea. Couple elopes/has a very small, informal wedding for (insert extenuating circumstance here) and now they want a do-over.

Its often referred to this wedding do-over as a PPD, or Pretty Princess Day.

Let’s go over the many reasons why having a wedding do-over, or PPD, is never a good idea - PPD FAQ TIME!

Is it okay to have a second/better/real wedding if my original wedding was a disappointment/emergency/elopement? No.

But my original wedding was just me, my FI and a JOP - it was unromantic, none of my friends and family were there, and I regret it! Unfortunately, this is a hazard of choosing to rush and get married without considering how you might feel about it later. The fact is, you are already married - the day that you stood in front of the JOP was the day that you married your husband. In addition, disregarding JOP weddings as "not real" or not good enough is incredibly insulting to both those couples who choose to have courthouse weddings and are happy with that choice, and to same sex couples who just want to have the privilege to have that ceremony and all of the benefits that come with it, but can't in many states. A civil wedding is every bit as real as a religious one. A courthouse wedding is just as good as a country-club wedding.

But, it didn’t feel like a wedding! It didn’t have the trappings of a Western wedding, true, but it was no less a wedding. Marriage is a legally binding contract - the moment that you enter into the contract, you are married. Whether you had a fancy dress, or a bouquet, or a limousine ride, or a first dance in front of your loved ones is irrelevant - the only thing required on a wedding day is that a legal marriage is performed.

But, no one got to see it, now they can! No, they can't. They weren't there when you got married. That ship has sailed. Now, all you are offering them is a cheap re-enactment of that moment. It isn't the same and it can't be the same. While you may regret it, it's done, own your choice.

But, that’s not fair. I deserve to have the wedding I always dreamed of! It may seem unfair, but assuming you married after the age of 18 under your own power and authority, you made this choice. You could have waited, but you chose to get married when and how you did, and you should own that decision and move on. Also, remember that a wedding, complete with all the little details we all love, is not a right or a requirement. It is a luxury.

But, we were married at the courthouse and I always wanted to be married in my church! Once again, you made the choice to be married in a civil ceremony. No one will judge you for going to your place of worship and asking that your marriage be blessed/considered valid/etc under the tenets of your religion. But do it privately, or with a few close family members, and don't call it a "wedding" or have any of the other trappings of a "wedding." It's not appropriate or necessary. if you are looking for validation from your religion, then get it, but don't use it as an excuse for a do-over.

BUT, it wasn’t a choice really. I needed insurance/housing/(insert other benefit here)! Marrying for any one of these reasons does not make you any less married. IF you choose to get married quickly in order to gain insurance coverage, housing, or any other federal/legal benefit, the day you do so is your wedding day. You are not entitled to a do-over - even if you regret the decision.

Well, whatever, my friends and family love me and none of them has a problem with this! Be careful here. Peruse the boards for a few hours and you will find many, many stories of friends and family who were guests or otherwise involved in a wedding do-over who never said a single word to the bride & groom but still resent them/took issue with it/think less of them now for doing it/just generally had a bad time. Your friends and family will usually keep their mouths shut in this situation - not because they condone your actions, but because they love you and they don’t want to hurt you. Give them the same treatment in return, and don’t do this to them.

No one knows we are married - what they don’t know won’t hurt them. This will be our only wedding for them. This is possibly the worst case PPD scenario. Lying to your friends and family will come back to bite you every time. People will find out, and they will be angry/hurt/resentful. They will hold it against you indefinitely. Do yourself a favor - these are the people you love most in the world - be honest with them. They will feel tricked and insulted if you have a PPD and don’t tell them - even moreso than if you do it without lying.

Okay, I see your point, but I am still really sad that I didn't get to celebrate my marriage with my friends and family in the style that I would have liked to! Luckily, you still have some options. You can have a party celebrating your marriage - just take care to avoid making it look like a stage re-enactment of your wedding. It would be inappropriate to have a ceremony, big poofy white wedding dress, wedding party, tosses, cake cutting or first dances since you were already married. You can, however, throw a big party for everyone you love with a great meal, music and dancing. Invite your guests to join you at a celebration of your marriage, not a wedding. If it's been awhile (normally at least 5 years, frequently 10 or more) you can host a vow renewal.

Talking Points:

The day that you were legally married was your wedding day. You are not entitled to a second one unless your current marriage ends and you remarry.

The man you legally married is now your husband, stop calling him your FI/fiance.

No one is entitled to a big, fancy wedding - if that is what you want, plan it and execute it properly. Don’t take a shortcut and try to take it back later.

Do not lie to your friends and family - they will resent you for it, even if they never tell you.

Congratulations, you’re already married - we hope you have a wonderful, long, happy marriage!

As always, remember that this was written by a stranger who has no ill will toward you or reason to lie. It was written by someone who has been invited to a wedding do-over and was not happy about it. It was written by someone who knew many other guests at that wedding do-over and heard first-hand how unhappy they were about it. Remember that your friends and family love you and will lie to your face to keep you happy.