Many Non-Gifting Guests

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Amen sister - totally agree!!! Just got married and we spent $30,000 with no assistance on our wedding with 157 RSVP'ed guest - beautiful venue, buffet dinner w/ pecan crusted chicken, salmon, braised short beef ribs, very popular expensive DJ, open bar, photobooth, personalized favors & seating chart and much more. In addition, I pretty much planned and paid for 90% of my bridal shower myself. I was soooo stressed trying to create this perfect wedding. We had about 20 people RSVP that did not show up, including my own brother and wife. We received about 20 gifts and two of the gifts were from guest who did not RSVP and could not make it. Yes, I had a bridal shower at Maggiano's were I paid for everyone's meal, personalized favors, cupcakes, donuts, desert/candy table with to go boxes, not to mention I made 75% of the desert treats myself - the bridal shower cost me $1500.00 (and had friends & family show up to the bridal shower with no gift ). Yes, I expected a gift at both events. I'm from up North and currently live in the South I don't know if it's based on the region you live in, but I would never go to an event without a gift even if its $20.00 let alone a wedding. We did have about 25% percent of our guest travel from out of state, nevertheless we've been engaged and planning for a year and a half. My husband isn't concerned but stated he does not want to hear any excuses because we gave people a year and a half to plan. We are so giving to our family and friends with our resources, time and money it's a little disappointing to see sooo many guest not bring a gift and/or card. Don't get me wrong it was a absolutely beautiful wedding and don't believe in living with regrets - its a learning experience. I know it may not be proper etiquette to talk about money and how much you spent on your wedding but etiquette went out the window. I wrote this to release the disappoint and focus on this new chapter in my life with my new husband.

View Quoted Comment Omg yes agreed what happened to etiquette??!

Our wedding is next Saturday, and about 70% of the guests have not sent any gifts. We have only 80 people on our guest list. My fiance' and I covered 100% of our wedding. And as much as I'd like to say the gift doesn't really matter, in reality it does. It takes a lot of effort to whittle down a guest list to 80 people, and for those we've invited it's because we would like to entertain them and spend the day with them. In turn, that doesn't give people the right to take advantage of the food and beverage provided by the bride and groom. Yes, we're happy to host a lavish dinner, and expect our guest to acknowledge themselves being invited to our big day.

You should not feel bad for being annoyed. I feel hurt. Several of our guests, who are close friends, did not give even a card. It makes me feel that they did not have a good time or only came out of obligation. This is especially true with folks whose weddings we attended and to whom we gave gifts. Strangely, it was people who we would never expect to give us a gift, either because they don't make a lot of money or had to spend a lot to attend that gave very generously.

It is incredibly rude and hurtful for guests to not acknowledge how special your day is with a gift so you’re not wrong to feel this way! Especially because you paid for them to come party the night away at your wedding. We just got married a few months ago and invited 220 guests and only had to order 55 thank you cards for gifts. I can’t bring myself to thank people simply for coming when we’ve already done so much. We had many bridal party members and even family members (immediate and extended) who didn’t give a gift. Even people who’s weddings we’ve attended and given gifts to did not give us gifts! Regardless if people think they spent money to attend your wedding or gave a shower gift, they should write a card expressing their congratulations and appreciation for being included, or speak to you to explain why they can’t or are not giving you a gift so you’re not left wondering. There are also heartfelt things people can do to show your gratitude that cost zero dollars. I give gifts for weddings I’m invited to and don’t even attend so I can’t imagine showing up to a wedding empty handed. It does make you question your relationship with those people who give nothing. Now the question is do you ask some of your best friends and family members why they didn’t give you a gift or just try to let it go? Do most of you still feel upset over it?

View Quoted Comment We got married on 10/6 .. we had 138 RSVP’d with 115 attendees out of that we got 20 cards do the math smh 🤦🏽‍♀️ times are a changing.

My wedding isn't until **** and I am very worried that this will happen to me!

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I'm not asking, I did mention to one of bridesmaid about not receiving gifts from wedding guest and she quickly changed the subject.

View Quoted Comment I'm not upset, disappointed. I will only be sending thank you cards to guest who gave gifts and/or cards.

I've always found this a bit odd. anytime I've attended a wedding (including when I've been a BMs) I've given a registry gift for the shower and cash for the wedding. I go by the rule of trying to pay for your plate, so if my now husband goes with me, we give more the wedding. I don't think it's necessary to give that much, but something is usually appreciated. i know not everyone can afford to give so much, but even $10 in a card is just a nice gesture.

Yes, I had uninvited Guests that not only ate, one took a to-go plate. They didn’t bring any 🎁s.

The uninvited guy in the 👕and👖came with someone in a 👗that gave me a $10 🎁. How do I know? She left the 💲General price sticker on it. I’d rather have had the damn $10 in a card‼️

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Be worried. It seems to be the new thing.

Wow I came on here wondering the same thing! We just got Married a couple of weeks ago and paid about $115/guest. We had open bar, buffet and party favors. We invited 84 and 4 did not show! 2
Of which has no excuses. That was annoying. We had 8 people not being a gift or card, most of which I am surprised with! It is hurtful really and it gets me thinking what’s up with that?

Oops sent it before finishing. My sisters in-laws gifted us $100 and we didn’t even invite them! And there were a few far away family who could not attend and gifted us too. How generous is that! Yet people who attended did nothing. One traveled from far away so I understand she did not give.

I have been internally peeved at the lack of gifts from a small handful of wedding guests, from our wedding over 3 months ago. Especially a few close friends, who I have heavily gifted them at their own showers, weddings, family events, etc. that didn't acknowledge us with even a card. My general rule of thumb is you do not show up empty-handed to any big event, or even small, like a small dinner party, as you are to acknowledge the host(s) for their efforts and celebrate them.

That said, we did not experience the disappointingly high numbers of non-gifters like Karen/OP and other respondents, with 50% non-gifting wedding guests! Yikes! Totally understandable that you feel annoyed with the no-show guests and lack of gifts/cards/acknowledgment.

Did they eventually give you a gift? Our wedding had 75 people and we had a hand full of people not give gifts too

We had same thing- about 20% no card or gift. I just wished if there was no gift they would have given an empty card so we didn’t keep wondering if it got lost somewhere... we sent them all thank you cards saying thank you for sharing our special day with us and hoping they had a wonderful time... just so strange and almost rude to not give anything...

Overall my husband and I invited who we wanted to be there because we wanted to spend the day with them. There were 3 attendees who did not give a gift. I don't mind this because two are not doing financially well at the moment and did bring cards but the third keeps reaching out on their own accord saying they're going to give me their gift any day now, which is the only thing that irks me.

Did you have a registry?

No you are not terrible. You feel the way you feel and honestly, I would be upset too. It isn't that hard to bring a nice note wishing congratulations at the very least. As newlyweds, your guests should realize that you are trying to invest in your future with your partner. If they can't afford to contribute (monetary, material, or other act of kindness) then they shouldn't RSVP for something that is going to set you back (their cost of the meal, booze, thank you gift ect).

Perhaps I am in the minority here, but with wedding costs as high as they are... the lack of RSVP is the kindest thing they could do at that point.

If these people are close and it is vital for them that they be there, perhaps include them in your bridal party or wedding process to which their love can be expressed by helping you plan ect.

Don't give people an excuse to be rude - really there isn't one. This is wedding. Surround yourself with love and support.

Note: Destinations weddings may be the exception here. The cost and effort to attend one can be a gift in itself. Still no reason not to bring a card or nice note.