Many Non-Gifting Guests

When i was younger (early years of college) the thought of giving a gift when attending a wedding didn't even cross my mind. So if you have a lot of young guests, especially unmarried ones who may not know the expectations of a wedding, that could explain why they didnt give a gift.

In a previous thread where I asked about gift giving froma guests perspective, i was told that it was rude for a guest not to bring a gift, but that if no gift was brought, the couple should behave gracefully. I thought that really summed it up for me--people will think youre kinda crappy for not bringing a gift, but they won't say it to your face.

I would be annoyed. EVERYONE knows (or should know) that a gift or card should be given when they receive a wedding invite..... it's been this way for centuries. Not sure where etiquette or manners have gone...

I'd be annoyed too, but it's one of those things you have to pretend doesn't bother you and you can never ever confront them about because that's worse.

Also if one of my guests was in a difficult situation, I'd take a heartfelt letter and zero cash and be very happy for it, but not even a card? major side-eye but keeping my mouth shut (except to my husband!)

Yep I'd be annoyed. It's completely rude, I don't expect a lot but at the very least a card would be nice. As others have said though there really is nothing you can do about this one.

This may just be me, but did you have a bridal shower? And did you receive many gifts then? I remember giving a gift to my cousins shower and it was a cute date night gift card set for them. When the wedding came I didn't think to give another gift, as we are paying for our wedding ourselves its not easy. Does that mean theres 2 gifts expected?? At least for me I'm always the "expect the worst but hope for the best" type of person. So some people have advised me not to worry about expenses so much when we will have so much money coming from gifts to tip vendors with or pay last minute things. I will not take that advice but I don't expect much back and I don't think anyone should. Not because of etiquette or anything but because realistically, not everyone thinks the same way

I had 50 people in my wedding 10 were children, so basically 19 couples, in all we recieved 7 gifts/cards. We are grateful, however I thought it would be nice if everyone brought a card at least . Surprisingly, Not one person at my wedding bought us something off our regristy., which i was really looking forward to that 40ish at a time muffin pan lol

I personally would rather not get a card. I'm just going to read it and throw it away. Save your money. I think a lot of people assume that if they purchased a nice shower gift they can skip the wedding gift. I've done this before. It depends on how much I spent on the first gift. I actually tend to spend more on baby shower gifts than weddings for some reason. After seeing posts like this I'm not expecting much. Sorry you are disappointed OP.

Personally I don't think that anyone is obligated to bring a gift and if they do so then that is very generous of them. Not all people can afford to attend a wedding and bring a gift especially if travel/childcare expenses are involved. I know generally most people bring gifts to weddings but it still shouldn't be expected.

I would be super annoyed. I did go to a wedding once where I was one of the 5 people to give a gift out of 50.

We had two people who didn't bring a gift. Normally I wouldn't be annoyed however one of them was DHs brother (who had a destination wedding 6 months ago that we attended) and the other was a close friend who talked about what she was gifting for a few months before the wedding.

I think it's odd that half of your guests didn't gift you. I've never and would never attend a wedding empty handed.

I know gifts aren't mandatory, but they are quite customary.

Bridal shower gifts are separate from wedding gifts, no?

Bridal shower gift = smaller boxed gift from a registry.

Wedding gift= cash

Although we aren't expecting gifts of any sort, I thought wedding gifts were customary? Do you send thank-you cards to those guests that did not bring a gift?

' I know generally most people bring gifts to weddings but it still shouldn't be expected.'

I would feel hideously guilty if I did not bring a gift to a wedding regardless of my financial circumstances. I think gifts are pretty much expected, now it most certainly does not have to be an expensive gift but a token of appreciation for the couple is just plain good manners.

Everyone knows they should give a gift. I don't care if you are in college. Unless you are living under a rock you should know. We actually had some people not give gifts too. Maybe like 20%? I don't care but it seems weird to me. I have never ever not given a gift at a wedding.

I have never heard of people not gifting anything at a wedding. For our wedding we got a gift from everyone; all monetary except for 2 physical gifts which were obviously re-gifts and were terrible but whatever.

In the end, I don't think you are wrong to be upset as it's pretty customary to provide some sort of small token of a gift when you are invited to an event and especially a wedding where lots of money, time and effort and a huge celebration is in place, it's shocking if someone gives nothing. Some people may not be able to afford something but if they show no sense of thought then that's pretty rude IMO.

We did not expect much in terms of gifts as we considered it a bonus but to not get anything at all is weird.

Elphaba- I think you are taking your rockstar position a little to seriously and reading into the CG a little to far, but whatever you were chosen by the people.

Anyways..... I would never show up to a wedding without a gift. I cant imagine that. I only had two people not give anything and they were in the wedding party so I really don't care. Their time and purchasing the outfit was enough. I have to say that 50% not giving anything is probably the worst I've heard on here. Sorry. Not much else to add.

We had a smallish wedding and were gifted 6 cards and 1 gift out of the 23 adult guests/couples. It would've been nice to get something from everyone but I found it's better to be glad that they wanted to be there with us and give us their time than their money/gifts. The gifts/money don't last but the memories and photos of their presence do.

I feel that's incredibly odd that HALF didn't!? I'd feel somewhat hurt if anything....

Hi all, thanks for the comments! I meant to include that we did not have any showers prior to the wedding. I agree it's totally acceptable to gift there instead of the actual wedding. We also kept it simple by including family in portions of the ceremony in lieu of having a wedding party. I also agree money spent as a bridesmaid/groomsman is plenty. I know there's the up to a year after technicality, but I'm not keeping my hopes up. These guests are mostly 30s and 40s, most already married, so I'm just really surprised. Agree, just a card would do it but that didn't happen either. Thanks again for all of the replies!