Making a donation instead of giving out favors?

Personally I don't see it as an actual "favor". Favors are a gift to the guest, a donation is saying you'd rather spend money on a charity instead of favors - which is sweet, but defeats purpose,of favors. Your guests might humor you and say it's sweet, but as some have stated here, they would believe otherwise.

Personally I just don't like the idea of calling it a favor. I understand if you made cards saying you made a donation "in lieu of favors", but calling it a favor seems off-putting.

Sunday cupcake - that is perfect. If someone is going to do - to me, that is the proper way of explaining it.

In lieu of favors, we gave a donation to an organization that held special meaning to us. We just made a note of it, with almost that exact wording actually, plus the name of the group, on the bottom of the program. This was positively received by our guests and people were naturally curious about the organization.

A wedding is a very "indulgent" event and we thought of it as a nice way to give back, and it was also a way to add another personal touch to the wedding. And at least at the last couple of wedding where I helped out, half of the guests seem to leave their favors behind anyway! My friend did a candy table thing and had literally pounds of candy and dozens of little boxes left.

Your donations are between you, the organization you donate to, and the IRS. I am totally failing to see where the wedding or favors come into that equation. For all the reasons 2d Bride and Reenski said. If it's about sacrifice, then the couple should ask for donations to charities in lieu of gifts. That's the only move that makes any sense. BTW, I do not believe favors are necessary, and we didn't have any at our wedding.

Also, people usually have very strong opinions about charities and causes. Particularly if the donation is made *in the name of your guests*, that can easily be perceived as rude. I, for one, do not like other people doing things in my name.

Also not a fan of the charity "favor". i'm also in the NYC area and this was only done at 1 wedding i went to so its really not a common thing in this area. This wedding mentioned that the bride and groom had decided to donate to the american heart association and also gave out a favor of hershey kisses. The charity favor to me is trying to win a medal by announcing it to your guests. if you want to make a donation thats great, i am all for it but why wait until the wedding to do so

I'm doing it, and I really don't give a shit if a guest is offended. We're donating to an organization that fosters pets of people who are trying to leave abusive homes. If someone doesn't support that cause, I'd prefer they'd let me know right now so I can uninvite them from my wedding. I think it's just a way of letting guests know why they're not getting a favor. I also hope I can encourage people to support that organization as well.

It's so beyond me why we give favors anyway! Here is a 100.00 dinner, dancing, drinks, cake, oh and a gift for walking in. Wtf?

I've thrown out all my favors. They're stupid. (most of them anyway) Unless it's food or drink save it. I don't want a candle, or a pin, or a snowflake. I don't want card or some other cheap crap thing. I will leave it on the table or throw it away.

This is not me being rude it's me being super honest. Donate to charity or do nothing is my motto.

Donate to a charity and don't rub it in my face, is my motto. The donation itself isn't offensive to me, it's the need to tell me about it like I'm supposed to think it makes you special. Donating in my name is the same as giving me nothing, which I would be fine with. And I agree with Tabatha, I don't understand the need for favors at all, so just don't spend money on it. And donate on your own time, because you want to.

But again, you're gonna do what you want, we aren't your guests. As with so many other questions asked on here, we'll give you pros and cons and you make your own decision.

How about a compromise..

You could always say in lieu of favors the bride and groom donated to charity. On a small card on the middle of the table. Or if someone asks you can tell them. I think it's the "in your honor" that sounds rude. lol

Oh we made a donation to charity "in your honor" with out speaking to you. Favors aren't expected anyway so it's kinda like we did this because you wouldn't, feeling comes up. I don't just rambling at this point.

Not a fan. I'm not going to freak out and stomp out of a wedding over it lol, I just shrug and figure it was good-intentioned but misguided and head to the bar. But I hate the reasoning behind it.

IMO, if you REALLY want to support a cause that's important to you, make it YOUR sacrifice. Buy a cheaper dress, downgrade your flowers or donate a chunk of the cash you receive after the fact. Don't skimp your guests out of a $2 cookie they weren't even expecting in the first place. That seems selfish to me. Unless all of your guests are all truly big supporters of the same cause - and that is possible but rare.

To anybody who says they'd rather do that than give people a crappy favor - just don't give out crappy favors. We gave homemade cookies and had a dessert bar. It was a big hit. If we hadn't done that, we wouldn't have done favors at all, and NOBODY would have missed them.

Lol at some of these comments. I guess I don't equate favors with the dessert. We had plenty of dessert, including cookies.

Nobody is making a donation to rub it in your faces. "Donate on your own time?" Uh.....if a wedding isn't your time, I don't know what is.

Obviously, we could go back and forth all day. A favor isn't even necessary. It's not required, and many people would not miss it, being that they'd been fed, had drinks, had enteratainment. Favors are a frivolity.

By telling us that you made a donation for any reason to me is bragging. I donate to the causes I choose because I support those causes. I don't go on FB and share how I gave money to whomever. I don't care what causes others support, that's their business.

But if you are going to donate in my name (and get a tax write off for it), I want to be able to tell you where your money goes.

A wedding may be about you and your FH, but when you add all sorts of guests, you are now on their time as well. Make the donation, don't tell guests about it, don't have favors and no one will probably notice or care.

But for the third or fourth time, you'll do whatever you want to do. We're giving pros and cons. Do what you want.

Junebug - Favors can be food, candy bars, I've seen famous people like Gwen Steffani gave out Krispy Kream donuts in a box from her wedding. It's cute and will be eaten 9 times out of 10.

However a candle that smells like the ocean will probably be forgot about or trashed. Most people are picky about stuff like that. A starfish, I'd throw away. Things like that.

I think people are simply saying the "In honor of you" is what bugs them not that donation it's self.

BUT I do not see it as selfish to donate instead of giving a cookie. Lol I think it's probably the least selfish thing you can do.

Omg June bug.. lol I totally missed the bar when writing that comment. Basically what I was trying to say is most people still have "dessert" at their wedding. My meal comes with dessert and we're having wedding cake later. The "favor" candy is to take home. Not part of the meal. lol

I don't think it's selfish to donate at all. What I find ironic is that if the cause is so important to you, why not take it out of the budget in some way that actually affects you? Like your dress, your flowers, your HM, your gifts?

I feel like people just take it out of the favor budget b/c it's easy, it doesn't affect them at all, and they can't think of anything else to do. If the end result is that a great cause gets $200 that's wonderful but.....it's not actually coming out of your pocket, you're going out of your way to tell guests that you decided not to give them something so that you could donate to something else. Selfish is maybe a strong word but at the very least I'd call it ironic or odd. Especially since favors aren't even necessary to begin with in most circles. Why not just skip them and donate privately? Again - unless the cause will be really touching/important to all of your guests, which I think does happen sometimes.

Meh, to each their own.

Wow I never expected so many heated responses. It's like we were debating abortion or something! Lol but I wouldn't be making a donation as a tax write off. I've never actually used a donation as a tax write off because that isn't why I am doing it. I just thought that guests would appreciate it because the money would be used to help American soldiers wounded in combat (we are having a military wedding where 80% of our guests are either active or former military). I guess you won't please everyone but I don't think I have the kind of guests who feel entitled to a favor since that typically isn't the mentality of someone in the military. I am still going to do it but I appreciate all of your responses.

@Bride to Be, you may not be doing it as a tax write off, but from an outsider, it's something that might cross your mind.

And yours is a situation, where if the vast majority of your guests are military and support a similar cause, it can be taken quite well, like Kris mentioned.

You're right, you can never please everyone, you just do your best. I hope we could give you different points to think about, and you go from there. We won't be at your wedding, so our thoughts don't matter nearly as much as yours and your guests.

Oh, and I hope you'll update that avatar (the rings) to a unique picture we can remember in the future (and to help tell you apart from those pesky spammers!) Here how to do that: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/welcome-to-the-weddingwire-forums-please-read-if-you-are-new/b433c40c1a62b96a.html

I 100% agree with Reenski. If weddings don't have favors, I never notice. Do your charity work on your own time without making others feel bad that they don't or haven't done the same.

What I find ironic is that if the cause is so important to you, why not take it out of the budget in some way that actually affects you? Like your dress, your flowers, your HM, your gifts?

I feel like people just take it out of the favor budget b/c it's easy, it doesn't affect them at all, and they can't think of anything else to do.

- GOOD POINT KRIS !!!

But that's exactly the point - most people do not believe they have to get a favor. I have never heard anyone complain about not getting a favor. So just skip them.

P.S. There's absolutely nothing with using donations as a tax deduction.