Making a Catholic wedding bearable?

Okay -- the OP asked for suggestions, so I gave a suggestion. Like I said, communion made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. For guests who are not Catholic or even Christian, they could very well feel awkward/uncomfortable. That's just my opinion. Take it or leave it.

The most important part of the wedding is the ceremony. In my opinion people will know what to expect when they see a church listed as the ceremony. If they dont want to sit through it, they can skip it and go to the reception.

As others have said, non-Catholics are not supposed to take Communion. You can either go up with your arms crossed over your chest for a blessing, or you can stay in your seat. No one is going to side-eye you. I grew up going to Catholic and Lutheran weddings so it's pretty much all I know. Our 10 minute ceremony is going to be weird to almost all of the guests.

Oh and possibly have music playing before while guest are entering? I plan on playing the first dance songs from our favorite couples weddings (aunts/uncles, parents & siblings) while people are being seated. lol any distractions away from time help.

My family doesn't get together that often, so for my cousins wedding before it started it was a nice chance to talk with our distant relatives.

I definitely agree with a previous poster about starting on time. And honestly, people just need to buck up and shut up about a long ceremony.

Want to know what makes it bearable? The party after!

Another thing that would make it "bearable" would be little airplane bottles of liquor tied to the programs, but somehow I don't think that would be allowed.

We're having a full Catholic Mass as well. I included a detailed programme in the invitations so that guests can be "warned" that it will be long and they can choose to skip the ceremony if they really want. I have one guest who decided to skip even before he heard it was going to be long simply because it was in a church (which kind of offended me, but I'm not about to ruin my whole day just because one person can't suck it up enough to support me).

Other than that one guest, everyone I know who is non-Catholic is actually very interested in sitting through the whole thing because they are curious to see the traditions in it and what makes it so long compared to other weddings.

We aren't skipping Communion, but we are having Communion only given to us (bride and groom) and not to the rest of the people because we are all a mix of many different religions and, for those who don't know what Communion really is, we didn't want them to be confused as to whether or not they had to have it. Communion is optional in my church...not sure about others.

My friend had a catholic wedding and I didn't think it was that bad. It didn't seem like an hour though I know that. It was kind of fun for me since it is the first Catholic type thing I have done. Your guests can just deal is my suggestion.

@Shannon S...my ceremony is only 15-20 minutes and I may take your suggestion of airplane bottles....maybe I'll change my programs to fold up like paper airplanes!!!

Anyway, I have been to and in many Catholic weddings (with and without communion). Communion doesn't add too much time unless you have a large crowd. I would take other suggestions of adding to program. My brother had a nice story on back of how they met.

Maybe print a little "I spy" type list. Include parts of ceremony to keep crowd engaged. Give a prize at cocktail receptio. For anyone who completes.

I agree with Jessie's Girl. It's an hour, and it's a huge event in your life. They can deal. I'm having a full catholic mass also. The only thing you could do to make it shorter would be to eliminate any traditions like unity candle, arras, lasso, flowers for the virgin... (not sure if you do any of those, some are mexican traditions)

As a Catholic, I would never cut communion. I don't even think that's an option at most churches, unless you are marrying a non-Catholic. You can't cut essential parts of the mass (but as I mentioned, the unity candle ceremony is not traditionally part of the Catholic rite and therefore would be a good thing to cut). I think all you can really do is choose shorter songs and readings.

Also, it might be a good idea to include on your website or insert or program that it is a traditional Catholic mass with Eucharist, and non-Catholics are asked to remain seated during the sacrament. Just so no one is confused about what do do. Non-Catholics are not invited to take communion in the Catholic Church.

@R I am not planning to cut out anything from the Mass to accommodate those who aren't catholic. I would possibly put something like "games" in the program if there were a lot of small childre, but we only have 2.

A lot of people have never been to a Catholic anything. Before I entered into the church 4 years ago I knew nothing of it, thus there is nothing to condone to people that just don't understand

I think your ceremony should be about you and your FH (I know, it's my day but I shouldn't be princess). However I am a very spiritual person and would never think about not having a religious ceremony or trying to make it shorter. I guess my question would be, do you really want a Catholic ceremony or are you doing it to please others? I have attended many weddings over the years and have found if I don't know the customs, I just follow the leader. People are not going to be mean or yell if you dont sit or stand at the right moment.

I'm having a Catholic wedding, and luckily, nearly every guest is Catholic. Regarding some other comments about distractions/games, it sounds to me like you want to draw attention into the ceremony rather than away from it. Make sure your guests know that you chose the readings and songs, they may assume that it's always identical. Using italics to highlight the lines or verses that really speak to you may help those who don't connect to the ceremony spiritually to connect to it on an emotional/sympathetic level.

@Christine, that is what I am meaning and that is such an EXCELLENT IDEA! I just don't want people to get lost and then feel like it is dragging on forever, you know? But the Mass is really important to me.

I have been to three Catholic weddings. I really loved that the bride and groom made it very clear it was going to be lengthy - so I made sure to EAT before we went. The longest one was almost 3 hours because they did communion and the choir sang and the whole nine yards. It was really fine and I did not take issue with it. The ceremonies were quite lovely.

I love that everyone says no one is going to side-eye you if you don't take communion... at the last 2 catholic weddings I have been to I was almost killed by the daggers people were shooting at me and my husband for not taking communion. (Granted they asked that everyone take it, even if you were not catholic which I found strange) We do not believe in it so we sat and i was appalled by the looks we got from people around us. I know that isn't answering the OPs question, but I just wanted to clarify that while it isn't always the case, yes sometimes, communion is very uncomfortable for other people. Granted it is usually more uncomfortable when done by another religion other than Catholic because they want to involve everyone, those last two weddings were a bit of flukes from my experience.

To answer the OP, make sure the program is easy to follow has any prayer you want spoken written out, and just generally make people feel comfortable about participating. I've been to plenty of Catholic weddings as a non-catholic and they are beautiful. Just try to keep it to an hour

RG--the reason I mention adding a note to the website is that I HAVE been to many Catholic weddings and have seen non-Catholics take communion. I respect your thoughts, but you're way off base to assume everyone understands Catholicism or takes the time to research what to expect at a different denomination's mass. If intercommunion were such a non-issue, why would the National Conference of Catholic Bishops have felt the need to prepare an explanation on the topic for non-Catholic guests? No need to attack people for trying to ensure proper respect of their faith is maintained at a diverse ceremony.

If you've chosen to do a Catholic wedding because it's important to you, then do it and don't worry what anyone else thinks. I've done plenty of weddings with chunks of friends and/or family who were equally freaked out that the ceremony was going to be led by a woman/not in a church/not have God language included, but when all is said and done, they got to experience something they never had, and for crying out loud, it's an HOUR. They'll live. Or they won't come, but if you're Catholic, this is important, and anyone you feel you should invite should respect that.

Are the majority of your guests Catholic? I find what tacks on a long time to a Catholic wedding is when most of the guests are Catholic and take communion. If communion isn't offered to the guests, or only very few guests take it, then that can significantly shorten ceremony time.

I've been to two Catholic weddings. The first took FOREVER and day because there were 250 guests, and probably 225 of them took communion.

At the second, there were 75 guests and maybe 1/3 took communion, so we got through the ceremony MUCH quicker. From sitting down to getting back in the parking lot, it was exactly 1 hour. So that was fine, I had no issues with it.

On the other hand, it's YOUR wedding and you should have the ceremony you want. If that means full Catholic mass, then so be it. If your guests really care about being there for you to witness such a special event, then they can sit through the ceremony, long or short. I mean....they are getting food and cake afterwords, I presume?