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Just Said Yes July 2023

Maid of Honour for my bff but not going to the day 2 party at her wedding!

Sm, on December 19, 2022 at 4:03 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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I was asked to be maid of honour by my best friend for her wedding. I live in a different country to her now so we haven’t seen each other in a few years due to COVID etc. i was unable to attend her engagement party due to alternative plans I had in the country in which I now live. I organised her bachelorette party and paid for it all (which was a 3 day event in the country we are both from so I travelled for it). I have been back x2 times on top of this for dress fittings. She organised a bridal shower in her parents home which I planned to travel to but unfortunately got Covid so I couldn’t attend. Her wedding is fast approaching and she has told me she having another party the day after her wedding. Unfortunately I cannot attend as my finance was unable to get another day off work and we planned to travel back to the country we live in on the day of the day 2 wedding party. She seems upset that I am not going and I have a lot of guilt. I don’t want to upset her by not going to the day 2 party. I feel that as I missed her bridal shower, engagement party and now this that she is unhappy.

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Latest activity by Michelle, on December 20, 2022 at 1:15 PM

Master October 2023
Cece · on December 19, 2022 at 7:20 PM
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Bless your heart, you have to be the most kind and generous friend ever! You traveled overseas for multiple dress fittings?! That is WAY above and beyond the “call of duty” (as MOH, or a friend)! You have absolutely zero reason to feel guilty for not attending a party the day after her wedding. I truly hope your friend is not so selfish that she would be upset with you over this! It’s one thing for her to be disappointed that you won’t be able to attend, but she has literally no reason to be angry with you.
On the contrary, she should be thanking her lucky stars for being so blessed to have a friend like you!
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on December 19, 2022 at 8:22 PM
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Her expectations are ridiculous. Attending the wedding is more than enough. You have already spent so much time and money on her
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on December 19, 2022 at 10:28 PM
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Wow, your friend is really over the line with the expectations. She gets one day. One.
No is a complete sentence. You've done enough. If she complains, hold your ground and your boundaries.
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on December 20, 2022 at 8:21 AM
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I cut the bride some slack because planners get very self-involved, but hers is a doomed plan. Having a formal party the day after a wedding is a mistake because couples and their guests are always exhausted and/ or hungover. I've only seen informal drop-in brunches, continental breakfasts, or trips to the beach. When it's your wedding, I hope your BFF will similarly fly in multiple times for fittings!
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on December 20, 2022 at 1:15 PM
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Set and maintain boundaries with consequences. Learn how to say no and mean it. The bride gets one 24 hour period plus the rehearsal and dinner the night before. You are not under obligation to attend anything else and she has no right to guilt you over any of it.
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Maid of Honour for my bff but not going to the day 2 party at her wedding!

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