Maid of Honor wants a plus one.

View Quoted Comment Maybe my idea of a MOH is much different than yalls but to me she should be making sure Im doing okay all night and get anything I may need.


Also she is staying in a hotel with me for the two nights before the wedding, she wont even be able to see him until after dinner at the reception. He isnt able to go to the rehersal dinner because our venue only allows 40 people and we are already capped. He qould have to get his own place for the whole weekend.

View Quoted Comment So A.) what you want is a servant, not a maid of honor and B.) you clearly have your kind made up that your best friend can’t bring her boyfriend to your wedding because she has to wait on you at the reception and won’t have any free time to have fun, so why did you ask for advice?

I'm not asking for a servant, but this is the biggeat day of my life and itd be nice to have someone to lean on aka my best friend. I want to celebrate with her!

View Quoted Comment With that being said I think your maid of honor would like to be able to enjoy a romantic experience with her current love interest while you're spending time with the love of your life.

View Quoted Comment You should be leaning on the person you’re marrying.

Yes, absolutely, you shouldn't even have to ask on this forum. She is your best friend and has gone through much of your planning being single and watching her best friend in love, but now when she finds someone you want her to feel single in order to wait on you? Not ok.
That said, yes you should have an honest discussion about your concern for her SO feeling out of place given the time commitment on her that weekend. And maybe that means you bending on other things too so she can see him a little more. I say this having had my best friend make special accommodations to last minute include my FH when we had first started dating and I was her MOH- and although ultimately I decided against having him attend I soo appreciated that she wanted to put my happiness above her inconvenience. It would have really dampened my attitude that weekend if I felt forced into that decision.

Let her invite hiM.

So what you're saying is that she's only there to be at your beck and call and her enjoyment of the entire weekend doesn't matter at all.

View Quoted Comment Exactly. She would not be asking to bring her SO if that was her idea of the schedule.

I would allow her to bring her SO and be clear about your expectations of her for the wedding.

View Quoted Comment You cannot be close enough to someone to go to their wedding, but not give any gift, though you attend each party and the ceremony, can you? Hahahaha! Watch them. Saying to themselves, if you have no respect for my relationships, why should I contribute to yours?
............... You are the bride, you can do what you want. So a few annoyed people RSVP then don't come? They are the guests, and can do whatever they want.

View Quoted Comment How many times have you been MOH or BM in a wedding party?
How many of these have been destination weddings, or where your whole side was away from home, on a hotel or lodgings?

View Quoted Comment Her entire family is going to be there and she knows my entire side. Ive never been a moh or bm since I am very young. We are all new to this. There is no night that she will need a hotel room to herself, she isn't even paying for her rooms since she is staying with me.

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OK, this is your best friend. Talk to her and make sure she understands she will literally not have any free time during the whole weekend. It's a sad situation but it does sound like her boyfriend might be happier staying home since you will be keeping his girlfriend so busy.

View Quoted Comment Why is it a bad thing for her to be busy? Bachelorette party rehearsal and wedding are three days in a row.

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I didn't say it was bad to be busy. I said it was sad that a girlfriend won't be allowed to see her boyfriend during a 3-day wedding "celebration". I enjoy connecting with my husband during weddings because the celebration is a nice reminder of our own relationship.

But my main point was about communicating to your best friend about your rigorous schedule so that she could come to her own conclusions about the suitability of bringing her boyfriend. Does she understand she won't have any free time?

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I'm sorry but if I was in a relationship that hadn't reached the "year or longer" mark yet so my significant other was excluded, I probably wouldn't attend either. someone's significant other of 6 months isn't just a "plus one," they are a couple and if you can't afford to invite one of them, leave them both off your list. it's customary to give plus-ones to your bridal party.

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Written by Judith:

You cannot be close enough to someone to go to their wedding, but not give any gift, though you attend each party and the ceremony, can you? Hahahaha! Watch them. Saying to themselves, if you have no respect for my relationships, why should I contribute to yours?
............... You are the bride, you can do what you want. So a few annoyed people RSVP then don't come? They are the guests, and can do whatever they want.

what are you talking about?? i think you are responding to a different Erin

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It's a bad thing because everything you are expecting her to do, such as "she should be making sure I'm doing okay all night and get anything I may need," is a Day Of Coordinator's job. That's someone you hire to take care of details, and getting you things, and generally taking care of everything so that you don't have to worry about it. You're expecting your MOH to do all of that, for free, and not allowing her to bring her boyfriend because of it.

That's really not cool. You should let her invite him, and maybe let HER enjoy your wedding for a few minutes here and there, too.

From Wedding Wire Hiring A Day-Of Coordinator: "But most importantly, a wedding planner “frees you up to be a guest at your own wedding,” says Janice Carnevale of Bellwether Events in Falls Church, Virginia. “It also frees up your mom, your sister, your aunt, and/or your bridesmaids to be guests as well, allowing you all to be present in the moment and not worrying about what is coming up next in the timeline.”

View Quoted Comment I have been in a HUGE number of weddings, and not just in my family or area. And what you are talking about sounds like something from a TV unreality show. Very different from any workable destination, or away from home wedding. It sounds more like a high school field trip. The biggest , most strange thing, is that you plan to be mostly with your MOH. And I presume, your Groom with his guys. Except in a very few cases I know, ( which led to huge fights or cancelling the wedding), in the couple of days before and after a wedding, the Bride and Groom spend mostly with each other. Themselves as a couple and other couples. Themselves as a couple and both families. Themselves as a couple, and friends not in the wedding party. Among the guests and WP, couples, those with SO on the trip, spend most time with that SO, and other people. There should be some alone time Br and GR. Other times, Bride and Groom and other friends or family in small groupings, that change. 3 hours of just Bride and her ladies, or groom and his guys, whether grooming, or a game of golf or sight seeing, is ok. But most of the time, the wedding party groups do not hang out with the bride or the groom. Aside from sleep, there is another 15 hours a day. 10 or more of which the Bride and Groom spent mix with any guests, and family, because you are the hosts. Plus, time for you and the Groom to do some quiet romantic things. NOT staying with your attendants morning to night. They are not there to wait on you or be your constant companion. Not there to plan, deal with vendors and parents and guests. Bride and Groom do those things. Except for the ceremony, and maybe 2 to 3 hours in a day , the Bride and Groom are together, without company of their attendants, who are doing whatever they want with anyone they want, including their SO......Now and again a Groom will act as though 90% of his time is with his guys. Everyone knows about it, because bride is either crying her eyes out, or furious at her groom. The wedding is not buddy time, it is a romantic time for you as a couple. Now and again a bride plans to spend near all her tome with her ladies. Until her family, or her groom days, what are you doing?Whether you have a few hours a day grooming, or partying just with your guys or gals, You are expected by everyone there to spend 5-10 hours a day with your soon to be spouse. Not girls club and boys club. Some with you two and MOH and her SO, a 4 some, or other groups and couples. In 3 days, if you are spending less than 15-20 hours with your groom, You have a serious problem. No one plans on hanging out with the couple, or with just B or G, constantly.
Now and then a Bride comes back to WW after her wedding, angry and disapointed at near everyone who was on her destination wedding
Because except for 3-4 hours in a day, everyone went off in couples or family or friend group, and had no plans to hang out long with the couple. Just a meal, or one activity a day. And people here say, there was nothing wrong with your sister and the bridesmaids and their spouses and boyfriends leaving the hotel or resort. It is their vacation to do what they want. Except a few hours a day and the wedding itself. What is wrong is that the couple expected their entourage to all be with them. Yhey had unrealistic expectatios of the role of WP. It is not cheerleading or soccer camp, where the guys team or the girls team stay together . Between official wedding dinners and Rehearsal, people all are free to do what they like. Most often with their SO. You, busy yourself being host. With your groom at your side. And take time for romantic time together. ****** An etiquette thing: when you have a fairly small group, 30-50, gathered for a wedding, it is not seen as polite to have some parties or activities that only a few people are invited to, and everyone else left out. Like a shower or bachelorette, where most people are excluded. It is in the etiquette category of not obviously separating some people for special treatment the others are not getting. Never having tiered weddings. Not posting a party or cookout at work when everyone is not welcome. Is there another time you can do a bachelorette when you are not at the wedding location with a large group, but only those going to the bachelorette would be there? Or just skip the bach, and do something special related to your destination. That anyone can join in, not a limited list. It would be more polite.