Lying to the priest

Why does your partner want a Catholic wedding so badly when you aren't going to go to Catholic church after the wedding anyways? I'm just trying to understand this further.

I don`t think I would be getting married there, I think if it were me I would talk to my FH and tell him I am not comfortable, and who is the priest to that you have to raise your future children catholic?!! To me that sounds VERY controlling!

I'm with Jen on this one..

I agree with jenn. I would honestly feel really really guilty and uncomfortable lying to a member of the clergy. BUT that's just me.

Hi there and thanks for all the prompt replies.

Well my partner want to get married there because thats where she was brought up as catholic and it means alot to her, I explained it would mean alot to me if the kids were allowed to chose their own religion later in life.

We have settled on bringing them up as I was as protestant. I dont feel comfortable about lying but the more i think about, if the catholic church insist on having me bringing my children up in a manner i dont want to then i will insist on lying to them, i just wish they would understand and let us decide

ct

Well from what I know about the Catholic Church, there is NO understanding. It's their way or the highway. I would not feel comfortable about lying to the priest, especially when you two have already agreed how your future children would be raised. It's obviously something important to both of you since you guys have already discussed it. Now, if you hadn't discussed I could see you going through with it. I'm sure there are lots of people who have been married in a Catholic Church and have made that promise, but end up not raising their kids Catholic because most people's beliefs change/evolve throughout their adult years. Why not just have a protestant wedding?

Hi Jen,

I would to be honest or even just a Civil service but she feels more strongly about having a catholic wedding than me wanting a protestant wedding if that makes any sense.

Well, I am catholic. and that is not true about having to raise ur kids in the catholic church if you get married in the catholic church. You will raise your kids as you see fit. The church has no control over it. So just agree you will and when that decsion comes along you can make that one together as one. =]

I honestly don't know Catholic "ways" but can you have a mixed religion ceremony in a different church say..not a Catholic one?

Also, have u told them that this wedding is about you and u FH not ur kids???

Do you currently have children together? Or are they talking about any possible future kids you might have?

Hi Future mrs.conway - thanks for reply, i wasn't sure if my partner would be breaking any sort of rules by raising them the way we want.

HI guys- no we dont have kids yet , we were going to say we were not going to have any but apparenty this is a no no.

I would get married somewhere else but my partner has her heart set on this place and there isn't much i can do about it now , the wheels are in motion , 15 months to go.

Question: I can understand your desire to allow your children to choose which religion they want to be later on in life, but how does raising them protestant allow them to do this? Would that not bias them to your religion? If you really want them to choose why not educate them in several religions and allow them to really choose? I was brought up without religion and as an adult made the decision to become Catholic. In many ways I feel I have a stronger understanding of my religion, even being a newbie, than my cradle Catholic FH. Now - to the real issue at hand: Personally, I would be less concerned about lying to the priest (even though it is a sin) than I would be standing up in front of my FW, family, friends, and most importantly - God and lying to them. I just feel that you need to commit to all of your vows, not just some of them.

I know part of the pre-marriage counseling for the catholic church, that you do have to state you will raise your children Catholic. Obviously, they don't come by in a few years and check, but I think John's issue is putting down on the form that "yes they will raise them Catholic" when they know that it is not the case.

John - you never know what will happen in the future, you could both decide to raise your children Catholic, Protestant etc. So is it "technically" lying or saying sure, but we don't know what will happen in the future for sure. I know I'm trying to bend the rules a little, but if she hasn't been a practicing Catholic, then I don't think it one answer or another on the form will make that huge of a difference.

I am protestant and married a catholic, I signed the form. We raised Sara Catholic but not because we agreed to it with the church, just because. She now goes to a non-denominational church, which is fine with me.

I am with Sharon- Do you really know you will not raise them Catholic? What if you move to a new town and all your new friends end up being Catholic attending the same church and it just seems like a logical place for you to go. I was raised in the Methodist Church and as a adult felt it was not right for where I am in my life, so we attend Friends Meeting (Quaker).

Jessica- your right raising them protestant does bias them and I would have preferred not to but my partner said if their not going to be catholic she would like them to have some sort of "protection" and a protestant christian would be the next best thing. I'm not into religion to be honest , it seems a bit complicated this whole catholic wedding seremony, I just found out that i have to go to Marriage course which takes place over several days to teach us about marriage, i think its a little ironic that the course is being tought to us by a priest who has never been married before,I think my parents might know a little better. I'm starting to feel a bit resentful towards the catholic church at the moment, something i dont want to feel.

Hartshead- thanks that makes me feel a bit better , she goes to mass and chapel etc but i never knew anything about it until recently, she didn't talk about it much

When my FH and I were starting to talk about our wedding he wanted a Catholic ceremony, too. He's a "holiday Catholic" so I was slightly confused as to why it meant so much to him. I was raised Baptist but consider myself non-denominational. When FH talked to the priest, he said our marriage would not be considered a sacrament before God and that the Catholic church would not recognize us as husband and wife. FH was extremely (and I mean EXTREMELY) upset about this and questioned the priest for quite some time. In the end, my FH couldn't understand why his church would say that his God would not love his wife as much as he does and he broke his committment to the Catholic church. You might do some research of your own and present this to your FW. It might change her thoughts about the way marriage is regarded by the Catholic church.

I hope I don't offend anyone with my post, I'm just sharing what happened to us.