Lying to guests about already being married?

This debate tends to become a heated tangle of circular logic.

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/court-house-then-wedding/ec5feecfc7439e2f.html?page=1

I could care less. I had a friend marry privately so that they could move in and save money (religiously they wanted to be married) and still had a wedding. I found out later, it didn't bother me at all.

This is one of those topics that always causes a stir and then people have a huge internet fight. Different strokes for different folks!

Ab: keeping a pregnancy a secret, isnt dealing with something that's legally documented. This isnt just any subject you are keeping a secret. It's something that is legal, legally documented! Oiy whatever. I am allowed to express my opinion. The world is gonna continue to think secrets like this are fine. I'm glad I'm not lying about my wedding, I wouldnt want people celebrating with me under false pretenses...

So, if someone were to do this should they write on the invitation, "already married, but come watch us have a wedding ceremony and reception!" Or what?

FH and I considered doing this so I could be put on his insurance a couple months before the wedding. I have some health issues that I need to be on maintenance medicine for and could not be without insurance. Luckily I was able to be put on his insurance before we were married, so we didn't have to. But since everyone was already planning on coming to our wedding, and it would still have been our wedding, how would everyone have liked me to broadcast that?

Why would it be any one else's business? why should anyone even know? how a person decided to get married is personal thing.

@Tatiana - You could just write "Come to the celebrate the marriage of..." Or the "renewal of vows"...there are plenty of ways to word it

I'm not a fan of lying ever. What's the big deal?

It isn't lying if it's their business, who really worries about whether they are married or not anyways? I think most people get legally married a few weeks before the ceremony anyways. And what is really being said so it could sound like a lie? This is too much.....let them live

Nafina, but you said keeping a secret IS lying. So some are okay, some aren't. Exactly, there are exceptions to everything..It's a personal decision, everyone decides for themselves for various reasons what to divulge and should not be judged for it.

To each his/her own. :-)

ETA: Soonyee- if your sister does do this just make sure that she knows there are people out there (including yourself) that will be upset for whatever reason if they find out..If she is okay with that then fine.

I think it really depends on the situation, but I'm not ever a big fan of people not telling their parents.

So I have half of you on one side of the fence and half of you on the other.

I'm stuck in the middle and have no idea what to tell my sister! haha

If you are trying to keep your personal life private - then why have a wedding later - is that not personal?????

Just to add. . .

I just think it's sad when adults feel they have to lie. Can you really not own your decisions and actions? Isn't that part of being an adult in the first place?

If you feel like you have to lie about it, why do it? Lies rarely work out well or end with a favorable result.

There might be more to the story than what is being told. Who knows.

All I know is that this would be the perfect time to test the "Does anyone object" question.

I really don't understand why it's such a big deal. I'm sure people that do it have a good reason for it...and their reasons are none of my business.

People have their personal reasons why they might keep it a secret. To be honest, if the couple was super close to me, such as my sister or best friend. I would be upset but get over it! I would still enjoy the wedding and have fun. If it was anyone else, it wouldn't be a problem. I don't know why some other people would make a big deal about it and leave. It's not like the couple did something so horrible directly towards them.

Also, I don't see how people think because a couple got married at the JOP or courthouse that they aren't allowed or deserving of having a big wedding. People have their reasons to go that route and who are we to judge. If we are invited, then we should be happy that they wanted us to share their special day with them.

Pertaining to this situation…

Soonyee heard that the couple was already married. If she heard this, maybe they did tell immediate family and close friends and the news spread like wildfire? In that case…they did share the news with the important people and unfortunately it backfired on them and now everyone is finding out.

Ultimately if they are feeding me, getting me drunk, and giving me a place to dance my butt of…I wouldn’t care if they were married or not.

What's the big deal? Let me tell y'all something!!! We did it, we're having our big wedding in a couple months, people are just finding out we got married 3 years ago, and they are happy, and excited for our wedding, I have not came across someone telling us that it wasn't right, or that they won't be going to the wedding. No one is mad.

Considering the way vow renewals get bashed I don't think I'd want to advertise it either.

I know someone who thought it was tacky for a couple that was renewing vows after 10 years of marriage, when he had been married 6 times. think at that point his longest was about 5 years.

as for cohabitation I know a woman that lives with 2 men (only legally married to one of course) and they have to be one of the most stable couples I personally know. you HAVE to work on a relationship like that to keep things working!

to each his own, let others do what works for them. there is no 'one size fits all'