Lying to guests about already being married?

I think keeping things a secret is fine. My friends got married for insurance reasons, but they really didn't think of themselves as married until they could do it in a church in front of their families. I found out later because my FH and I were thinking we might have to do the same thing (we didn't). I think if it's just for a technical reason especially, you don't need to tell anyone.

I think they should just be open and honest about it...i'd be a little annoyed if I found out they were already married and trying to hide it...I would still go and support them but I don't see anything wrong with getting married in the courthouse and celebrating later with family/friends when you are able to

I don’t really think it’s anyone’s business but the couples. If I went to a wedding and found out the couple was already married, I wouldn’t feel like they lied to me. I would just feel like they decided to keep it privately to themselves for their own reasons and didn’t feel anyone needed to know. At the end of the day they are hosting the event and I’m just a guest honored to be a part of their day, so it wouldn’t really matter to me.

I think it's something that guests should know. I don't see the point in trying to hide it. Lots of couples get married and then later have a wedding. Especially if it is for reasons like the military, I think people would be very understanding.

I think lying is general is not acceptable. It is just deceiving your guests. Would it matter to me that a military couple got married at the courthouse because it was needed and then decided to have a celebration that they originally wanted to have with friends and family but could not originally - not in the least.

Would I attend if I found out i had been lied to - probably not because I do not like being lied to by my friends or family - makes me wonder what else they would lie about.

(a little white lie about something minor can be acceptable but marriage is not minor!)

I think it is absolutely between the husband and wife. That is part of being married - you have information that is to be kept between the two of you.

Part of getting hitched early was a technicality. Even if it wasn't, they should be able to keep it to themselves.

The guests should be happy they are being asked to be a part of the celebration of them. I swear sometimes people forget that it is about the BIG picture - a lifetime together. The pomp and circumstance of the wedding isn't the most important thing about that day, it's every day after that.

If I was a guest and found out something of this nature, I would like to think I would understand - especially a military family. Being invited to the celebration is an honor and I think sometimes guests forget that.

No big deal imo..He is in the military. Let them have this. If guests get wind of it and they don't like it, they don't have to go.

Its really no big deal. He's in the military, that was a practical decision for them. FH & I are getting legally wed at the courthouse the day before our actually wedding. We don't even consider our courthouse ceremony our actually wedding. Its purely a formality since we are having our ceremony in another state and can not take off enough time prior to that in order to apply/pick up our marriage liscense. Even if it was months before, it is no ones business. You are going there to celebrate their marriage, does it really matter if you missed the court process?

A lie is a lie is a lie... A little lie, a BIG lie, any kind of lie is BAD!!! When you lie about your real marriage date & make the wedding seem real, that's pretending - Pretending is cute - when you're kids. As adults, it's a lie. No matter how you try to pretty it up. Getting married prior to the "wedding" is acceptable, done for many a good reason, & I will never say THAT is bad. But keeping it a secret??? Some say it's none of anyone's business if they're married already - oh really, then why have a wedding at all? And I'm sorry but anyone who says they love their family, but is willing to lie to them, that's not real love. You should never have to hide from your family. They either accept you non-conventional marriage (prior to wedding), or they dont. It's immature & not moral to lie, about something that really has no good reason to lie.

Ummm I would be incredibly angry and might even leave. I certainly would not bother to drop off any package or card that had not already been delivered. Sorry but if I am there to celebrate the beginning of your marriage I expect to be there for the beginning. Now on the otherhand if I was told "Hey well we had to go get the license early because we had to have it for insurance/housing purposes I would probably say "ok, no biggie." But I am sorry to me if you already had your vows said etc and then have another one and lie and say its the first it seems an awful lot like you are double dipping.

I don't like being lied to/deceived in general - this is no exception.

While I agree that they don't have to share everything about their relationship, I think blatantly lying to everyone you know and love is different

Jaime: um no, sorry but it pisses me off when people in general think lying is acceptable. I've dealt with enough liars in my life, I am entitled to my opinion.

I agree with laudie on this one. I think the closer I was to the couple the more surprised I'd be. I'd still support them but being honest is a good policy. That being said I don't care what anyone on this site does, because it's none of my business.

@Nafina relax chica, its only 1:11 p.m., you don't want to have a heart attack over a forum post.

Unless it was my immediate family, it might irk me a little but it wouldn't hugely bother me. I do think it's better to be honest about it.

DH and I also did the courthouse for military reasons with the big wedding later. Everyone knows we are married and everyone is still just as excited for the big wedding. I love calling DH my husband and do not understand why people lie about this.

This would bother me. I think mostly because I can't really see the point. I get keeping your personal life private, but I just can't see any reasoning behind lying to your guests. The only one I could come up with is because the couple would think that their guests wouldn't come or wouldn't bring as nice of a gift, which then it would really bother me.

I don't think I would be mad or refuse to attend or anything like that, I would just feel like I wasn't important enough to the couple. Unless it was like my sister or a best friend--I think then I'd feel hurt.

There are some family/friends out there who might care so much about your happy union, to send you a anniversary card or gift. Or someone sees you on the street, "oh happy anniversary, what are you doing tonight?" How awkward will that be, to know your anniversary is legally a prior (be it weeks or months a ago). Just have to lie about that too.

I don't think it's that big of a deal..it's the same kind of thing as people having vow renewals.

Fine, then what about keeping a pregnancy a secret during the wedding? If people are upset about the marriage thing then by principal are you upset when brides do this as well?

Keeping things a secret isn't necessarily lying..I'm moving soon with DH but haven't broadcasted the fact on FB, just told those here in my city and close family members. Is that lying? Semantics people, semantics.