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Just Said Yes September 2027

Loner couple-unsure of how to proceed

Paige, on March 21, 2018 at 9:54 AM Posted in Planning 0 23

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We have decided to have a beach wedding. The problem with this is that we live in a landlocked state so our wedding would ultimately be deemed a destination wedding. Since we are a loner couple, we don’t have very many friends. Our guest count is hovering at 27 (he’s unsure who to invite) and we know the numbers are what determines your cost. We are unsure of who would attend because it is a destination wedding and we can not afford to pay for everyone to attend. Some of his friends would be coming from Cali which is the complete other side of the country. We both don’t think they will be willing to do this. Nor do we think the majority of our guests living here would be willing to attend if they had to pay for the trip themselves. My issue is that I obviously don’t want to spend all that money for a wedding that maybe two guests would attend. However, I also despise the idea or elopement/“shotgun” Weddings. I have considered sending invites and then determining based on the number of responses if we should have a “big wedding” or scrap the whole idea. Does anyone have any advice for this situation?

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Latest activity by Will & Tiara, on March 21, 2018 at 4:15 PM

Champion May 2016
OG Kathryn · on March 21, 2018 at 9:58 AM
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Why do you "despise" elopements??? It sound like thats where you're heading if you have no guests.
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Master March 2018
FME · on March 21, 2018 at 9:59 AM
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You're really going to have to weigh out the pros and cons here. What means more to you, having a beach wedding and marrying the one you love or having a bunch of guests show up? If the quantity of guests mean more to you than the location, have it local or in California where as many guests won't have to travel. Or have the beach wedding you want, and whoever shows up-shows up. It doesn't make you any less married.

And elopements are not "shotgun" weddings, there have been some beautiful elopements on these forums and I don't think they would appreciate their type of wedding being referred to as a shotgun wedding.
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Dedicated June 2018
Melanie · on March 21, 2018 at 9:59 AM
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An elopement and a shotgun wedding are two very different things haha
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VIP September 2018
HowCo Industries · on March 21, 2018 at 10:05 AM
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Elopement and shotgun aren't as synonymous anymore! Look into some elopement packages. Many, if not most, allow you to have a small handful of guests. Whittle down your guest list to the absolute musts and do that!
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Just Said Yes September 2027
Paige · on March 21, 2018 at 10:06 AM
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Because it’s what I had with my ex who was abusive (later was annulled) and also what my dad had with my current stepmom after cheating on my first stepmom and getting her pregnant. So I don’t have good memories attached to those types of weddings. Plus, what girl doesn’t dream of a big fancy wedding?
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Just Said Yes September 2027
Paige · on March 21, 2018 at 10:10 AM
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I was not referring to them as being the same thing. I was saying I don’t like either. Obviously what’s more important is being married but my issue is the money. We’re really going to have to save for a wedding anyway so we don’t want to spend a lot of money on a wedding that no one is going to show up to.
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on March 21, 2018 at 10:12 AM
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I get it. But what you are describing won’t be big, are you ok with that? Are you going to be upset that you spent money on 2-27 guests?
can you get married in California and atleast have those guests on the beach with you? How many guests live there versus where you are now? I would probably just marry where the majority is if it is important to you that people come.
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Devoted June 2018
SoKatiiee · on March 21, 2018 at 10:16 AM
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I would say like pp that you need to out weigh everything. Have you talked to vips? Even if that means just your family; have they said they are willing to travel for this?

I would figure out all of that then make your decision I get not liking eloping (although my future sister in law had a beautiful one) so if your vips say no you’ll have to figure out if the beach is that important to you or not good luck!
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Just Said Yes September 2027
Paige · on March 21, 2018 at 10:18 AM
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Out of all the guests only about 3 (not including their children) are in Cali. The rest are here where we live. I would be perfectly fine with paying for a wedding if I knew all 27 would show up versus spending all that money for only 2 to show. I guess I didn’t word my post right but my question was what would be the best way to go about determining whether to have the big wedding or not. I’m considering sending out invites before doing anything else and seeing how many say they’ll attend.
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Champion May 2016
OG Kathryn · on March 21, 2018 at 10:21 AM
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You cant send out invites over a year in advance, that isnt how this works.

Find a venue that has you pay per person and that way you will only pay for guests who are attending and rsvp within the month prior to the wedding. I mean, either way you arent going to have the big wedding you are thinking of if you have only 27 guests to invite.
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Master June 2016
Sarah · on March 21, 2018 at 10:27 AM
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You can’t send out invites and then decide. People will tell you they’ll come but they can’t actually know that this far in advance. The invites come after the decision. Since you don’t have that many guests on your list, why not just call/visit/text them and feel them out on whether that’s something they could attend. If not, you’ll have to decide if the beach or the number of guests are more important.
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on March 21, 2018 at 10:41 AM
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Sounds like a local wedding would be best. For 20ish guests I think a lovely restaurant wedding in a private room would be great. Find a place for the ceremony and reception. You can have live music as well, maybe someone on strings or a jazz quartet? Plenty of food and booze, show these 27 people a good time.
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Super May 2019
Jessica · on March 21, 2018 at 10:46 AM
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You can't invite people this early or without exact details. If it's your friends and family, just speak to them to see if there's any interest in traveling to a DW... you should be able to get a good feel for a guest list with just a few conversations.
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VIP May 2018
Red Queen · on March 21, 2018 at 10:49 AM
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I think if having guests is the msot important thing to you, then you need to readjust plans for a beach wedding. You can't be sure how many accepts you will get because you can't invite people to an undefined event. You'll have to have plans made first and then it could be any number of people saying yes or no.
If you want guests, I'd have a local wedding. Nothing wrong with having beachy theme items anyway.
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Expert June 2019
Anna · on March 21, 2018 at 11:20 AM
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Does your state have a lake or someplace with a beach? Maybe your wedding could be there as a compromise.
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Devoted May 2018
FutureLadyH · on March 21, 2018 at 11:37 AM
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You definitely need to decide whether you are having a wedding before sending invitations. Otherwise, what would be on the invitations? Additionally, even though you have a negative connotation with smaller weddings, PLENTY of big weddings fail or have similar issues to those you described so dont let that get in the way of being realistic. A wedding doesn't dictate the marriage itself.

As far as making a decision, it sounds like you will need to:
1. Determine a budget and desired destination
2. Look for venues in your desired destination. If you cant find anything within your budget, that may resolve the decision on the destination. You may also want to find a venue locally within budget as a backup.
3. Talk to your VIPs to see whether they can make the trip
4. If they say sure, book the venue you found. If not, find a local venue within budget and move forward.
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Master July 2018
RZ_ToBe · on March 21, 2018 at 12:01 PM
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First, I come from a truly redneck town and eloping is not shotgun. Go to any wedding in my home town and there's a 99% chance it's a true shotgun style complete with drunk rednecks with actual shotguns, a getaway truck to go mudding, and way too much camo for anyone's taste.

Eloping sounds like your best option. It's just a courthouse ceremony and it takes maybe 10 minutes. You can also get an officiant and do a very small wedding in town with your family and a few friends. You can do this in a backyard, park, or venue, depending on how much you plan to spend. Make your beach trip your honeymoon instead!
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VIP January 2019
NVV2B · on March 21, 2018 at 12:30 PM
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^^^ This. Do this.
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Super September 2019
Will & Tiara · on March 21, 2018 at 12:35 PM
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I think you should stick to your plan because ultimately this is what you want. I agree with the forum that you should not base your wedding on guests. It's different if it's your parents or grandparents, but that being said, write your list, plan your wedding, call everyone ahead of time and let them know what, when and where you will be having it and you understand if they can't attend due to location. Even if you have a few guests, it's your dream wedding and there is nothing more romantic than a beach. The people who really want to support you both should be invited and I am sure they will attend. Even if you have a wedding with ten guests, that's great. Don't worry too much about accommodating everyone. Make this your special time and you and your fiancé should be happy.
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Master June 2016
Sarah · on March 21, 2018 at 12:39 PM
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I really wish people would stop saying “the people who really want to support you will be there.” If I had chosen a destination wedding, my grandparents wouldn’t have come, not because they don’t support me but because they are elderly and can’t travel long distances.

While I do think couples should choose what makes them happy, I also think they need to consider VIP guests and not just say “well if they loved and supported me, they’d go”.
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Loner couple-unsure of how to proceed

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