Sarah
Expert October 2021

Living with your significant other

Sarah, on December 26, 2020 at 2:01 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 69

My fiancé and I have been living together for all of almost 3 months and we are already getting on each other’s nerves. My fiancé and I talked about it, we love each other and want to get married, we are having a hard time figuring out how to live together. We have about 10 months left on our...
My fiancé and I have been living together for all of almost 3 months and we are already getting on each other’s nerves. My fiancé and I talked about it, we love each other and want to get married, we are having a hard time figuring out how to live together. We have about 10 months left on our apartment lease. We are going to try and make things work. I feel like I’m at my breaking point. Because I want to marry him, but every little thing he does annoys me. I don’t know if I’m getting cold feet because I don’t feel ready to be with the same person for the rest of my life or if it is because I want to date more to make sure my fiancé is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I need advice, if anyone has been in a similar situation let me know how it worked out. Also was it hard for anyone else to live with their significant other?

69 Comments

  • Jai
    Rockstar May 2020
    Jai ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    O yea def sit down and talk about how you feel with him and see If that helps. My hubby has ADHD so sometimes he cant help it and sometimes I'll make a list for him and that will help him he says. Even a gentle reminder "baby dont forget to do...". I dont do it all the time but sometimes I do
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    My fiancé and I went in on renting a place together, our lease is up in 10 months. We are going to spend the next 10 months figuring out who we are, talking more (my problem is I keep everything bottled up), going on more dates (we got a lot of restaurant gift cards for Christmas), and spend more quality time together. Because I don’t want us to break up because I’m only 10% sure that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with my fiancé.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    That’s what we did, my fiancé and I agreed to put the wedding on hold. We are going to try and work on things ourselves with our relationship before we go to counseling.
    • Reply
  • Llcool_Kay
    Expert July 2021
    Llcool_Kay ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with a previous PP on here. Maybe you should try counseling. Both for yourself and with your fiancé
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Have either of you lived with anyone else before?
    How old are you?
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    My biggest problem is I have commitment issues. Every time in the past when I would get close with someone in dating they would cheat on me. So it is always in the back of my mind that my fiancé is going to cheat on me. Plus my parents are divorced. I think both of those things are making it hard for me to commit the rest of my life to my fiancé.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Absolutely takes getting used to! There’s also gonna naturally be pet peeves and things they do that might annoy you even over time haha
    • Reply
  • Caitlin
    Devoted May 2021
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    10000% Agree
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    It sounds like you would benefit from counseling to work through these things. It’s not fair to hold things other people did against your FH and not working through that will only make it worse over time.
    • Reply
  • Rachael
    Savvy April 2021
    Rachael ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Sarah,
    Although COVID-19 makes it more difficult to go on those spontaneous weekend getaways, y’all can still go on those short drives that you love. Skip the restaurant and bring a picnic! You could also host a virtual social hour with friends. If you and your FH are creative you could also set up your own wine/paint class at home. I’ve learned to get creative during this pandemic!
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    Definitely recommend couples counseling. It can be so helpful to helping understand how to peacefully cohabit together. Also read the book How to Not Hate Your Husband After Kids. It’s relevant to not just having children lol, it’s really just about living peacefully together and splitting up domestic responsibilities, dealing with annoying habits. etc
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I do not mean to offend but I really think you should seek therapy which may be limited during the time of COVID as many people are struggling. It sounds like you have some baggage you need to deal with before you commit to being someone's wife. I am a product of divorce and my husband is the first decent guy I have been with after being lied to and let down many times. He is also a product of divorce and that did cloud his judgement on marriage but we knew we wanted to be together and committed to each other. I know that naturally when you have been hurt one builds walls up but you need to trust that your husband to be will be good to you and you cannot base your parents' relationship on your future one as that is not fair to him. Your almost deciding the fate of your marriage based on past bad examples and that is not fair to him. Would you want him thinking he can only see being married to you for a set amount of time or be faithful to you for a set amount of time?

    I hope he is a stand up guy but your personal feelings won't be resolved rather you need to take the steps to work them out even if it is to read a book someone suggested. I do not say this in judgement to you rather to put yourself in a clear head space because every relationship will have its rough spots as you are seeing now with living together and you are saying you are at your wit's end and possibly having cold feet ready to see if dating others would be best and questioning if you want to spend forever with him. If a relationship is not strong between two people emotionally then other factors are going to easily break you two down. Only you can change how you think and feel towards him. Of course I hope you have the wedding and marriage you want but I think taking a step back, no planning, and working on yourself to make you a better partner for the relationship will help and if there are things he can do that is fine but you do not want to enter what is supposed to be a life long commitment with the fear he will do you wrong and due to that fear you do not see committing to him forever.

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Getting a book to read about this is definitely a good idea. Since I’m scared being committed to someone the rest of my life. The thought scares me.
    • Reply
  • Alyssa
    Super December 2021
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I didn’t take time to read past posts like this poster did, but I can tell you that if she’s right, this is a serious deal breaker. I have lived with 2 guys. One was my ex and one was my husband before we got married. The difference was night and day, and I thought I was going to marry my ex (I dumped him before he proposed).


    There are differences between normal annoyances in relationships and living together, and red flags in your relationship that come out when you are forced to be together all the time. Does it annoy you that he doesn’t roll the toothpaste and he squeezes it from the middle instead? Fine. Get one for you and one for him. Does he refuse to take responsibility for the dog or cat and make you do it all? Ok. Red flag if you want potential kids. Does he refuse to back you up in front of family? Big no no. You need to be a team. I’ve been there, I’ve been through that. It doesn’t end well.
    I wish you well, I hope things end well, but you need counseling ASAP.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Expert October 2021
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    My fiancé is the greatest guy I have ever met. He is always buying me what I want. He is nice and likes to make people happy, he would give the shirt off his back to someone in need. There is no romance though and that combined with my being afraid of commitment is more of our problems I feel like.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Hmmmm....I think it is fair to have that conversation about romance. Guys are not always by nature romantic or maybe for him he feels he is romantic but you expect something different. As someone said communication is key. I mean maybe open up to him about the fears you have. I am not saying romance is not important but a dependable, nice guy goes a long way. I think maybe give him ideas of what you want in regards to romance. There is this guy on instagram and his handle is lifeofsal and he did a little video called losing the spark in the relationship and he made some good points about two people working on the relationship and how life is not a fairy tale. You should watch it. He made some good points.

    • Reply
  • Devanne
    Just Said Yes May 2022
    Devanne ·
    • Flag
    Honestly the first 6 months are HARD. I have been living with my (now) fiancé for 5 years. It gets easier! We fought a lot in the beginning. But after a while the things that used to bother you, bother you a little less as time goes on.
    • Reply
  • Nikki
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Nikki ·
    • Flag

    Moving in with someone is not easy. It takes time to adjust to each others habits and work out who is responsible for what chores. My finance loves leaving dirty dishes in the sink and doesn't move the dishes to the dishwasher. It drives me bananas, but at the end of the day its not a deal breaker. He pulls his weight in other ways. Unfortunately living with him for 3 years and that habit hasn't changed no matter how many times we discuss it. Can I live for the rest of my life with him doing this? The answer is "yes".

    It is also helps taking time for yourself. My fiancé and I do our own hobbies throughout the week to get our personal time. I go out for walks, take long showers/baths, read in the bedroom etc. He plays his video games and tv shows during that time. It took time to come up with a schedule that worked with for both of us.

    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    So sorry you had to go through the painful experience of being betrayed in past relationships. I think most of us have had to go through it, and it’s definitely tough. It sounds like there are a lot of deep seeded issues going on with you- personally, with your past, with your current relationship and with your family. Working through these issues is going to be so important for your relationship, and for you personally. I would strongly suggest therapy to help you work through all these things. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound as though your family has been a source of support for you or your relationship. A therapist will help you sort out your feelings, work through them, and provide you with tools to better communicate with your family and fiancé; and help direct you to a happier, healthier life. I know there are several services offering affordable therapy sessions via video chat right now. Maybe try one out and see if you think it will be beneficial for you.
    • Reply
  • Holly
    Savvy September 2021
    Holly ·
    • Flag
    I understand what you're going threw. With my ex i had the same problem. And yes right now its going to be hard and yes everything is going to annoy you. This is the hardest part sweetheart you both are learning how you live. My best suggestion is these two things sit down and write everything that annoys you. Then at the same time hun write everything that you love about him and as you're doing that write the pros and cons. And see which one out weighs one. Then the second part sit down with everything you wrote down and talk to him and work on a compromise. Everything will work it self out. And remember you said yes for a reason sweetheart and is it good enough for you to be with him forever. I had to do the something too.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics