Littles in a small wedding?

I definitely think it's ok to include little ones in your wedding, as long as you and your FS are on the same page after talking it out and hearing each other's rationales and viewpoints! The only thing I would suggest, though, is to ask your FSIL because the wedding will be at her house. For instance, does she have a maximum in mind in terms of how many people (total) her house can handle? That may get you closer to an answer in terms of the guest list/capacity. But I think 5 kids total is totally manageable. It could be that your FS is worried that all the adults will be focused on the kids the entire time, instead of relaxing and enjoying and celebrating....so perhaps a babysitter could be hired for a certain block of time? Also, your FS may be hearing from your FSIL that the FSIL is worried about her house not being kid-proof (just throwing this out as an example), so maybe the FSIL doesn't want to risk one of the kids slipping away and getting into some dangerous chemicals or fragile dishware or something like that. That may be another reason for a babysitter after the ceremony? So all the kids can hang out in one part of the house and be supervised?

It really doesn’t matter at all what your guests think about the number of kids in the wedding, but it 100% matters (or, 50% matters, depending on how you look at it) what your fiancée thinks. So I think you have to hear her out as to why she doesn’t want it and the same for why you do want it. I get not wanting to exclude any of your siblings’ kids, but you could also not include any of them , so they all stay on an even playing field, and *only* include your own, so, have a ring bearer but no flower girl. Them being their to celebrate you is still very much including them in your day, and I’m certain it will be memorable. You could also just get them each coursages or boutineers to make them feel special without having a real “role” or aisle walk.


But, I do think it is important not to put your sisters’ or kiddos’ feelings before your fiancée’s. A lot of your reasoning given here is not wanting them to feel bad, but, remember, it is your wedding and your fiancée’s wedding! And those are the feeling’s most important.
Also for what it’s worth, if it were me and it was all my partner’s family’s kids in the wedding, I may get in my feelings a little bit about my side being underrepresented. Even if I didn’t have any of my own nieces and nephews, I know there’s a lot of “sides” and fairness coming into play at weddings. A big fear I had when coming up with the guest list is that my family is huge and my husband’s is disjointed and tiny and I spent a lot of time concerned that my side would overwhelm the event. Not saying that’s going on here, just one personal example to say that there could be more behind her feelings than just it looking like a lot of kids !