Lack of elopements/out of the norm weddings

Aw her elopement photos are so cute - i love the restaurant photo !

That is a beautiful wedding! I agree things have gotten out of hand a bit with weddings, and it only escalates as people try to "keep up with the Joneses". I don't mind spending a good chunk of money on the day, though. It holds a lot of cultural significance for many brides, and some of the items that we purchase or receive will remain in our family as stored wealth to hand down to our children.

View Quoted Comment For me, i dont feel this way. My mom divorced my dad and several women in my family don't even get married. More and more women in the US are skipping marriage all together and having babies by different fathers... statistically speaking. The wedding dress my mom wore was thrown out and so was my FMIL'S weddimg dress. Well, she left hers in a house that was later condemned and boarded up by the city.

View Quoted Comment I think it's different for everyone. We still have my mom's wedding dress, which her dad bought her. She also owns wedding gifts handed down from other family members. These items are part of our family tradition and also provide a cushion if we fall on hard times (all would be worth good money for resale and grow in value over time except the dress). Also, FH and I plan to have a large family (though we never know what God will give us).

That’s great! Honestly I follow this forum and I see all types of couples and weddings with various budgets, tastes, etc...and what I like about this forum is that it is open to everyone, and the people on it are caring & supportive of each other. If you look through the posts you will see there are lots of elopement or micro weddings taking place and in the planning stages. And if people can afford to have a more lavish or extravagant wedding, that’s fine too!

Personally we are saving and planning as we go along, and have a budget for how much to save and spend. We are taking out 0 debt and having a modest yet nice wedding.

My fiance and I are still having a wedding but we made a promise that we will not take out any loans, put anything on credit, etc. I agree with you not to go into debt over one day. Our budget is definitely over $5000, but we can afford that. But definitely no debt involved.

These pictures are so sweet 🍁❤️

I had a very simple elopement 23 years ago. Dress and accessories were super cheap and donated or borrowed. Just dH immediate family plus aunts as elopement guests, and a couple close friends. Small lunch for our engagement, that looks just like normal lunch plus a grocery cake. No reception and no honeymoon. Money was not there and we never borrowed money. The idea of borrowing or credit (except for mortgage) is mortifying to me.


23 years later, we are planning an intimate wedding as our vow renewal. We used our savings. The way I always wanted my wedding to be. No guests 😂 but splurge on dress, rings, hotel, etc

Beautiful pictures!


Some people feel like an elopement is not valid unless everyone they know is there. Technically an elopement is just you and your fiance with two legal witnesses and the officiant. There's a growing trend of people who have a courthouse or park wedding with a few people in attendance but they say they are not married and never had a wedding because it wasn't big like everyone else's. They made the choice for a small wedding with the legal paperwork to back it up. Embrace the small wedding if that's what you want but don't act like someone forced you to go that route.

View Quoted Comment Ok didn't mean to offend anyone. I feel as though you're being passive aggressive...

View Quoted Comment Good for you!!! I once had someone tell me I was stupid for going $22,000 in debt for university but the same person was in more debt for a wedding and he was already divorced! I just had to turn away to laugh in private... Whew.

Maybe you don’t mean to be but I feel like there’s a bit of judgement here on couples who choose to spend a bit more on their wedding. Choosing how much to spend on their wedding is a personal choice. And sometimes it’s cultural. My wedding will be over $5000. My mom has offered to contribute too since I am the oldest child and first child getting married so my parents wants to celebrate too. My mom is so excited she had been watching tea ceremony videos and asking relatives for advice. She has brought up the pandemic situation and would still like to celebrate even if it’s postponed.

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I’m not being passive aggressive at all

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I would rather much have debt for my education than a wedding!

View Quoted Comment Sounds nice. I plan to have a traditional elopement, which means absolutely no guests. Congrats for staying together and remaining happy 23 years later. Xoxo

Yes absolutely!! This is me I spent around $900 so far not including dinner but we didn’t want to spend so much in one day and our goal next year is to get a house 🏡 And plus it’s with immediate family less than 15 people for the health and safety of everyone ❤️

View Quoted Comment Omg, isn't your big day tomorrow?! Please post pics when you get a chance.

Everyone's idea of extravagant and expensive are different. This forum is full of questions/posts asking how to save money and tight budgets. Most of the wedding pictures shared are for modest events. There are plenty of courthouse, park, and backyard covid couples here. Just because people are spending more money than another person might spend doesn't mean that they're going into debt, aren't responsible, or are just trying to impress eveyone else. The amount of money people spend on their weddings doesn't minimize the love they share, their educational background, the ability to buy homes, the vacations they take, the children they may choose to raise, or their longevity.


For many couples, a wedding is more than "just a day." And some religions and cultures require certain steps, locations, and traditions that may require more funds than a wedding where those aren't required. We just have to be mindful not to unintentionally insult or offend our fellow WeddingWire posters, or any couple getting married.

The photos you posted are lovely. Thanks for sharing.

Wedding come in all shapes and sizes, and while I totally agree with you that no one should ever irresponsibly go into debt planning a wedding, shaming other couples for building weddings different than the one you deem as perfect is not okay. Every couple has a different vision for their wedding day, both in terms of design as well as cost. Your cousin's wedding looks beautiful, happy, and perfect for her, but it does not speak to me at all. Therefore, we will build the wedding that meets our dreams, even that means responsibly spending more than you have considered appropriate. This community should support and encourage each other, not create divisiveness on what the "right" type of wedding is.

It’s tough to get a tone across online (just like sarcasm) but it’s how I read it, the certain words you emphasized, the mention of brides having extravagant weddings during a pandemic, and a “reminder” with your cousin’s wedding photos. I think other people here are reading it the same way. I’m not insecure but similarly, I wouldn’t remind someone with a $40K Acura that a $22K Honda can also get them from point A to point B. Like I said, maybe you don’t mean it and you say you don’t, and you care which is great. Your cousin’s small wedding is lovely too and most importantly, she’s happy and having fun. But to each their own.