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Just Said Yes October 2023

Kinda of depressing but need some advice.

Mckenzie, on June 13, 2023 at 7:55 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5

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My mom was a drug addict all my life when I was younger. She was in prison for about 7 years. She was let out when I was about 19ish. And after that for a couple years she was doing great and really was a good mom. However the past couple years she seems to be going downhill again. And getting more into drugs again.
I told her if she didn’t get sober she wasn’t allowed at my wedding about 8 months ago. And yesterday she was arrested with a dui. But not the drinking dui. Not sure what drug was in her System at the time. It’s hard to imagine my mom not at my wedding. But honestly I have a step mom that’s been more my mom than my biological one.
How do I decide if she should be at my wedding or not? I’m not meaning it as a punishment to her but more of mental health for me.

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Nicole, on October 15, 2023 at 5:10 PM

VIP January 2019
Maggie · on June 13, 2023 at 8:56 PM
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Try to imagine if you will regret it more if she is there or if she isn't there. Focusing on your mental health and your wedding experience is the right way to go here. Trust yourself and you will make the right decision.
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Super October 2023
Alyssa · on June 14, 2023 at 6:34 AM
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Just because you share biology with someone does not mean you owe them anything. Your mom failed you as a child. You were a legal adult when she came back into your life. There's not too much "Mom-ing" to be done at that point.

Personally I would chose to highlight step mom over bio mom. She stepped up and you even said she's been more of a mom.
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Super December 2022
LM · on June 14, 2023 at 7:57 AM
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I think it would help if you relinquish the idea that you are your Mom's caretaker. She should not get sober by your wedding deadline. Her recovery is her own to handle.
Invitations go out 6-8 weeks before. Ask yourself if you think you'll be worrying about birth Mom throughout your wedding day. If it's still yes by the end of the summer, then eliminate stressors and inform birth Mom you prefer her to not be in attendance. Say imposing your ideas of sobriety are inappropriate for her personal recovery, and you want to focus on yourself and your FI that day.
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VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on June 14, 2023 at 10:34 AM
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Would she make a scene or cause trouble for your other guests? It she can't behave herself she will ruin the experience for everyone else. If you're this hesitant, it sounds like a red flag.
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Savvy July 2027
Nicole · on October 15, 2023 at 5:10 PM
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Im a few months late to your post but i feel for you so badly. My mother is an alcoholic. If she drinks she makes a complete fool of herself and her family. If she can't clean up her act and behaviors or take accountability for herself i see no reason not to invite her. The day is about you and your happiness. It does not seem like your mom has ever tried to make herself better for your sake or happiness so why should you take her feelings into consideration if she is stepping all over your feelings? I am also considering not inviting my mother as well.
I hope you have a beautiful wedding and wish you all the best.
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