Keeping your last name?

I will change mine but I respect your want to keep yours. No one should be forcing their opinions on you like this. I'm sorry this is happening; you don't need to justify this to anyone as long as you & FH are happy

I guess they assume that since you are "such a career woman" that you won't be having kids because you're focusing on your career? idk. I also think it's an outdated idea. And they also want to know if you do have children what their last name will be etc. Basically these people are just nosy.

I'm hyphenating my last name and I've gotten some stupid comments from people too. Honestly I don't really care if they call me Mrs. FH's last name. The thing that bugs me is when people say Mrs. FH firstname FH lastname, like suddenly I don't have a firstname anymore?

Anyway, I usually just ignore them or tell them that it's none of their business.

Tell them to SAD.

I'm changing mine but I don't understand why women get so much crap for not wanting to change theirs...especially in situations like yours where you're already professionally known by your maiden name. It's not that serious and not their business. And the whole "if you're such a career woman..." comment *insert eye roll emoji* Because a woman definitely can't have a career AND a child! *SARCASTIC GASP*

STFU? Sorry that's all I got. Sorry you're getting such rude comments in 2016. I guess they were in a coma for the last several decades.

Cats is right....

My mother didn't change her name and my parents were married in the late 1970s; still married, of course. She did get a lot of push-back, through the early years, but I wouldn't expect that, in this century. My grandmother/her MIL still addresses her birthday card to a hyphenated last name, but she's always been passive aggressive. When my uncle (that grandmother's other son) married, in the late 1980s, his wife didn't change her name, either, so there's no one who's Mrs. grandmother's last name. The four children, from both brothers, were given hyphenated last names, when we were born. We survived ...

I'm changing mine because I've always wanted to, I've always found it romantic I don't understand why people would be nasty to you about it though... I just kinda go with the flow on people's decisions. Everyone is different and their preferences on what they would like to be called are irrelevant to tradition that's fading fast.

I have chosen to ignore them or say, "We've both decided to keep our names." That tends to shut people down. I never go further than that, though. I hate giving any form of satisfaction to deliberately obtuse people. I decided a long time ago to never justify myself over things that half the population doesn't have to explain. It may be important for *them* to know why I'm not changing my name, but it's not important enough for *me* to explain it to anyone.

I'm doing the same thing name wise as you. I really don't understand why people care so much, I'm pretty sure my marriage will be just as valid without getting the dept of SS and DMV involved. I always say I was going to be Dr. myname long before I even thought about getting married and it's unfair to assume I'd want to give that away.

As far as the kids thing, I think it's rude to ask because that's so incredibly personal. If you want to answer (and want kids) maybe say "Why shouldn't I be able to have a family and a career? Men do it all the time."

I think my feminism is showing.

I will change my last name (again). I just had my last name legally changed back to my maiden name at FH's request. I was divorced, but kept my ex-husband's last name just so I didn't have to go through the hassle of changing everything. FH asked that I change my name so that ex-husband's last name would not be on our marriage license - I understood his request and honored his wish. I have not used my maiden name for 20 years, so I am no longer attached to it as I was when I was younger. I am excited to change my last name to FH's.

I have gone back & forth on this because I have used my last name professionally for 25 years. It's much too long to hyphenate. We won't be having children together, so that's not even a factor.

In the end, I decided to change it because it's what is right for me. It's no one else's business.

Co-workers had a good laugh at me the other morning, though. They are giving us new jackets with our name embroidered for Nurses Week. I couldn't decide what to put on mine. Would they even know it was mine if I used he new name, could I wear it before the wedding, etc. I had this whole conversation with myself out loud for about ten minutes. In the end, I decided on my first name and title.

Thanks ladies. @cats I just died laughing, that is probably the perfect thing to say.

It really shouldn't be an issue either way! One of my best friends growing up kept her maiden name and we were never confused about who here mother is.

The career woman comment, is from some of my FILs family. They are resistant to time changing and very nosy. I think I'm just going to chalk it up to them wanting grandchildren sooner.

I have no good responses for you to use, just some solidarity! I'm doing exactly what you are!

@gin my feminism always tends to rear up when the children/career topics come up! Thankfully FH is a full blown feminist now too... Probably why we're getting married

I plan on taking his (although we have considered both changing our last name to Beutivant which is a combo of both our last names....but Beutivant is awful so we aren't. haha). It sucks that you get negative reactions to wanting to keep your name. If it makes you feel any better, I am getting shit from my mother for NOT keeping my name. Which is absolutely ridiculous because my mother took my father's name. Basically people will have their opinions. But you do you, boo.

Tell them to step off your kool-aid it's not 1955 anymore. My mom is a career woman, has two kids, and got married a few years ago and hyphenated her last name sooo...........

I was originally going to keep my last name, then hyphenate, now I'm moving my last name to my middle name and will have one last name. Through all this FH has been like...whatever...he is awesome.

When people ask rude questions i give them rude responses. When they point out my answer was rude I point out so was their question.

Isn't great that people think they get to have an opinion about your last name? I changed my last name, but I used my maiden name as my middle name and I sign my name now as Callie Maiden Name Married Name. It's not hyphenated but I'm published under my maiden name so I totally get where you're coming from. My cousin was in your boat. She hyphenated the first time so she was Dr. Maiden-Married; after her divorce she met her new husband and his is also a PhD so she took his last name and now they're the Drs. Married Name. Sorry people suck so much and have so many unsolicited opinions.

Maybe just tell them that's what you and your spouse decided was right for you both and leave it at that. I don't fault other people for changing their names, but I'm not feeling the tradition myself. No one bats an eyelash when a man keeps his name, so why should they be concerned with yours?