Is it selfish of me to actually want a bridal shower?

I completely get where you are coming from. I don't think you're selfish but I feel the same way you do. We are doing a very small wedding (15pp) bc we can't afford a huge one so I'm not having a shower either (feel weird since nobodies invited to the wedding). You're def allowed to want one & I'm sorry FHs family makes u feel this way. If you make it into a party for girls instead of a shower then I think it's okay to host. You might need to be a little more assertive. I think the bigger issue is that you feel like your friends left when u had kids, what about play dates with other moms? A better circle of friends could really help too & then you'd feel more supported.

A little off topic, but im seeing a bigger issue here. (im really not trying to be rude here, hope it doesn't come across that way) Sweetie, it sounds like you've got a little bit of depression goin on. You said you have no friends, you're home all day with 3 kids and never have any other adult interaction. That is certainly enough to make anyone "feel like they're loosing it".

Is there any way you could talk to someone about how you're feeling? Are there any 'Mommy and me' play groups in your area where you could at least meet some other moms? And you are way over due for a big old dose of YOU time!!

Can you at least tell FH how you're feeling, maybe he could introduce you to some "work wives"? or something. anything!

As for the shower... you absolutely deserve one!! Shame on your families for not making that happen for you!

Not going to get into the baby shower issue, but it's not at all selfish to want a bridal shower! Beyond the gifts (which are nice too), it's a unique and fun chance to gather with your friends and family and celebrate your marriage.

Can you talk to your mom or FMIL about it and let them know how you're feeling? I like Jamie's idea of mentioning a recipe or a wine party. And if still no one wants to throw you a shower, maybe you could just invite a bunch of your friends over or out to lunch instead.

Around here people who have second or third baby showers call them sprinkles I've been to a couple. I myself only had one with my first child and that was it. As for a shower I am having one and I don't think you are selfish to want one. It's part of the whole "bridal experience" my fsil and fmil are throwing mine. If I lived around you I'd do it for you. Maybe take a day and go shopping buy yourself some stuff for the house or for you. I'm sorry you feel let down

I'm so sorry to hear that! We have 3 children as well and I'm a SAHM but my sister has offered to host a bridal lunch for me and I said no gifts. It's just the women in my family getting together for lunch. Maybe you can do something like that? I know that feeling of not really having anyone to talk to once you start to have children, I joined a book club to get out of the house and I'm looking for a play group. Maybe you can do that too?

I think everyone deserves a bridal shower and I don't think you're being selfish. There is no reason to treat you like you're NOT a bride!

My cousin and his wife just got married this month, they have been together for nine years, my cousin owns the house they live in, he has a daughter from a previous relationship, she has two daughters from previous relationships and they have a daughter together, yet our family still treated her like a bride and threw her a shower!!

It is actually not correct to have a second baby shower, you can have a celebration or party or gender reveal, but you are not suppose to have a second baby shower. The whole point of a baby shower is gifts to help you get your family started and with a second or third kid yo already have the essentials so while you can have a party it shouldn't be called a shower.

Now for a first time wedding you should have a shower if you want one. That is your MOH and BMs duty. You haven't been married before so you get a bridal shower!!!

I'm not trying to hijack the post or anything, but I'm going to ask again, why can't people have more than one baby shower? For example, say they had a girl the first time. All of the baby stuff is probably girl themed (at least for me it would be), and then say they have a boy the next time, they can't use all of their girl clothes and girl themed stuff for their baby boy....so I'm just really confused on this.

You deserve to have a bridal shower!!

Am I missing something? If it's not for the gifts, why is it that you want a shower?

@ Lori, proper etiquette dictates that you only get one baby shower, if you have a baby shower for a second or third child it is considered 'tacky' and 'gift hungry.' You can have a celebration if you would like but calling it a shower means you want gifts which is not considered acceptable if you are in to proper etiquette. That's just how it is and why people now have sprinkles bc you sprinkle gifts instead of shower gifts on to the couple.

There are lots of posts on it online that you can look up, I just know my grandmother would be horrified if someone were to invite her to a baby shower for a second child bc "it simply isn't proper!"

I understand your feelings about this. Why don't you talk to your bridal party and throw a "come as you are Jack 'n Jill" BBQ in your back yard. Everyone could bring a dish, a bottle of wine, you could make spiked punch, hot dogs, burgers and some fixings and someone else can buy cupcakes/cake for the occasion; and do a small candy/cookie sweet station. It will be a nice way to incorporate your closest friends together, and with the kids, have a lot of fun without spending a lot. Just decorate with paper lanterns and buy .99 frames and get a nice photo of you and your hubby to give out as a favor. I think this will make you feel better and it's nice to celebrate with both of your pals.

I think LR has a great idea.

Lori, to add on to what CeCe said, the idea behind not having more than one baby shower is that after you have your first, you probably already have a lot of the big items and will not have to buy as much for the second child. Plus even if it's a different gender, you can still re-use a lot of stuff. A lot of people will still give you gifts, so a full shower isn't really necessary and can seem like a bit of a gift grab.

@HisMrs it's just me. The way I have been since a toddler pretty much. It could be depression. I don't know. I'm just quiet and keep to myself. I honestly can't remember having friends.

I don't have a bridal party besides my children.

My FH isn't working because he had back surgery and they won't allow him to.

So if I had friends the Jack 'n Jill" BBQ would be a good idea.

@Celia, you do realize you come off awfully strong right? I'm not kidding. I'm not sure if you intentionally do it but the way you speak gets to me. Wanting people around is apparently insinuating gifts? Ok. I have never been to a bridal shower or wedding. SO apparently a bridal shower is just for gifts. In that case I find it to be in poor taste in it's entirety.

I want stress relief!

@ Desiree T.

A party then! You deserve a fun celebratory pre-wedding party, just don't call it a shower if you don't want gifts, seriously, that easy! And it might solve your problems because people love parties. A shower is named because the people that come shower gifts on to the person it is being given for.

I know how you feel. I am a stay at home mom with very few friends (especially ones that live close by) and no MOH. If you lived closer I would throw you a bridal shower just because every bride deserves one. Not just for gifts but for a small gathering of family and friends that will be focused on you for just a little bit of time. For me it's like I am constantly "mom" and kind of have lost that sense of just being a woman or bride. I don't see it as depression, just kind of a blah feeling. Hopefully you can express to your mom at least how much a small gathering of family would mean to you before the wedding. Call it a gathering for tea or a luncheon instead of a bridal shower??

Desiree, it was a question, okay? Nothing more. I wasn't insinuating that you wanted gifts, I just wondered why you wanted one.

All you needed to say was that you wanted the experience, the party, the gathering.

geez.

I am in a similar situation. No one is throwing me a shower. I don't deserve one I was told. All I want is a celebration. Gifts aren't even necessary. I planned the entire wedding, it would have been nice for the bridesmaids to plan a little something for me.

Yes, you are extremely selfish, be an adult and accept that wedding gifts are enough.