Is it really so bad that my wedding isn't fancy?

Ohhhh I have one of those without a filter... brush it off! thats all you can do!

Oh and I am sorry! I know how overwhelming those non filter folks can be! and I bet your event will be lovely!

Brian - I've told her that the budget is tight, and that we actually prefer a simple, modest party. But you're right - I should tell her that when she pushes me to upgrade the wedding, she makes me feel like I'm a bad hostess and a cheapskate.

I don't think you should drop her as a bridesmaid. She's not trying to be rude, she just sounds a little naive. I went to a private college and there were plenty of girls that didn't understand that money could run out at some point.

You could stop discussing bridal stuff with her or just ask her to give you feedback on what you have planned, not on what you don't want. And don't feel bad. If you watch 4 Weddings you'll know that a big budget doesn't equal an awesome wedding. More often than not the brides with a small budget win the prize for having a more personal, romantic, and unique wedding.

Tell her that wedding priorities for every couple is different, and that what you guys want and are having, is perfect for you, you just want to get married and want to start a familiy and don't need a wedding you can't afford to do that. Tell her you understand her tastes, but their not neccisairly your or your FH's, and she should keep her beautiful ideas for herself, because you know they are more her than you and FH. If she keeps insisting, tell her how it hurts your feelings because you cannot afford the things she is suggesting and you would appreciate it if she kept the ideas to herself.

I wouldnt even say naive is a good word... I just know that my MOH has no filter but she NEVER has... if thats the case they honestly cannot help it... but if she is typically reserved and then all of a sudden is acting this way Id be hurt too...

I'm with Brian. Having a frank talk will do you both good, but dropping her from the BP is something that you as friends won't recover from. She's trying to help, but she doesn't realize, its what SHE would want for her day, not what YOU would want.

Im sory i feel you im in your same position but i dont have bridemaids like that.. me and my fiance are playing everything on our own as well we have a dj but hes our friend ,

AND NO, it's not bad your wedding isn't 'fancy'. Your wedding is the way you want it!

That's frustrating. She's probably just talking without thinking. If she is your close friend I doubt she is hurting you on purpose. I would just remind her that you have many other things that you need to save for financially right now. Also, it is very possible to have a beautiful wedding on a budget.

I would tell her ok, good idea are you going to pay for it? she;ll say no and then that'll be the last time seh will say those rude comments.

Thanks everyone! FS is from the same county as FFP, so he finds her behavior a funny reminder of what it's like to grow up in a posh bubble. He has a thicker skin than me, too.

I'm a frequent hostess, and put great stock in doing right by guests. So when she says my wedding isn't nice enough, what I hear is that I'm a bad hostess - which tells me I'm awful at something I consider to be my special talent.

The way she sees it, FS and I have good jobs, so we should shell out for a fancy wedding because it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing. But it's not our values or who we are as a couple.

I don't want to drop her as a bridesmaid, but I will have to be very firm with her. "FFP, I understand that's what you would want, but we don't have those kinds of resources, and I would prefer you not comment on it. Because when you do that, I feel like you're saying I'm a bad hostess, which hurts my feelings."

"FFP, when you get married, I will support you when you pay tens of thousands of dollars for one single day of your life. I will wear a floofy puffy bridesmaid dress resembling a pile of cotton balls. I will do all of these things without commenting snarkily that you should have a simple, romantic, inexpensive wedding like mine. Please do the same."

I am one of those without the filter kind of people. I don't say things to hurt people, I just feel like honesty is the best policy. I have learned to tone it down, but not without the occasional foot in mouth moment. What I would suggest is that you tell your friend exactly what everyone else has suggested. "Thank you for your ideas, but unless you are gonna fork over some $$, we'll just have to wait until we start planning your wedding-- when is that going to be exactly? OH.... that's right!"

My filter has a few holes in it...

When she starts up agian, just tell her that you two have chosen a simpler more intimate affair, period. You don't need to spend alot of money to have a good time and you and FH are very ahppy with the things you have planned so far.

Tell her that you and FH do have good jobs, and make a nice income- but you have higher priorities for your finances than the wedding. It is a once in a lifetime event- yes- but it's not about the party. It's about celebrating the relationship and the union.

Tell her flat out that her comments are unappreciated, but her emotional support is invaluable to you!

A friend of mine told another friend that he was more concerned about a dream marriage than the dream wedding.

I agree with the masses here, I think it's ruder of your filterless friend to be making comments like that. But I think you sitting down with her and telling her what you said ^, would be just fine. I am the same as you, my FS and I are paying for everything ourselves, and huge lavish, over the top, really isn't our style. We work really really hard for our money and we have plans and dreams that we want to accomplish so for us it seems like poor planning to use all of our money on 4 hours on a Saturday just for our wedding. And someone else said it on here, but I have seen really expensive weddings, and some of them aren't that nice, they just have a lot of stuff. Then again I've also seen really cheap weddings and they looked romantic and sweet. That's what we're going for.

Theres no problem with having a less fancy, more casual wedding. Along with what the others have said, I would stress to her that its the type of wedding you really want and will look forward to remembering years down the road.

I am paying for mine myself also. I have been fortunate and had some contributions and offers of savings from friends and family. I can't have a band or DJ or photobooth or expensive favors and more. I'm sure that just like other BM's and MOH's that they only want the best for you (us) and when you start talking weddings, you start invoking the dreamy state of others who maybe have been planning theirs all the while. I think just telling her the truth about your limits and asking her to help you make the best of what you have to work with is the best route. Don't drop her. I've seen women on here with limited budgets make a beautiful moment out of their wedding day. Stay calm and don't allow yourself to go overboard. Good luck!

Props Jennifer!