Is anyone else marrying an "Engineer"? I need your advice!

YES! CIVIL ENGINEER! and he's soo quiet about everything very stern look on his face.

So I wanted to write our own vows. I'm very expressive and open w/ my love for him. I can describe it perfectly. Like your FH mine is the same way!!! exact same! So he's picked just the standard vows and that's it.

OMG! ME! I TOTALLY GET YOU. subsea engineer (and ex navy nuke).

FH isn't a total robot, but yeah. getting him to get excited about anything other than food, alcohol and the cake... "whatevs." he's actually pretty sweet though, and really wants to write his own vows. wow. but yeah, no, i totally get you.

he's very logical and analytical about things. and he also has a set order in his head of how things are supposed to be planned. when i try to talk to him about something that we won't be getting to until later next year he always tells me it's pointless to talk about it now because we aren't at that stage yet. he keeps saying how he's just not going to get as excited about things as i am and that i should learn to deal with it. if he's married to me at the end of the day, he's happy and that's all he cares about.

he's just... very... i can't even explain it. you totally know what i mean, i'm sure.

Tho I wish it was something more lovy and sappy.lol oh and to top it off he's an Army Ranger--hard-butt. lol

When you said he's terrible at writing, I thought of this.

JENNA---OMG!! You are living my life. HAHA! He always says, "the only thing that matters to me is marrying you, I don't care about anything else" and it's like, I know that he is that way I just wish he would care about it a LITTLE! this made me feel a little better knowing it's not me.

Oh Jenna- my FH does that too. "why are we talking about it now when it's months away?" ugh it's so annoying hahahaha.

Yours isn't an engineer problem, its an introvert problem. Welcome to the Club!

http://www.geeksaresexy.net/2013/07/15/a-guide-to-understanding-introverts-comic/

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/302696/

PS I hope you realize how romantic what he said about remembering how he felt in that moment-- that is very sweet.

Hahah my FH and I are both engineers I can't really help but I laughed when I read your post. My FH feels the same way about most of the details, so I'm trying to surprise him with little things he likes and is part of his culture (his Filipino), so that will probably stand out to him. Is writing your own vows completely out of the question? I've been to several weddings of engineers where they shocked the brides with how well and heartfelt their vows were written.

Yeah, lol, that sounds like my fh who is also an engineer. I don't expect him to find the actual word of the vows meaningful or remeber them. In fact one of his only requirements for the wedding was that he will absolutely not write his own vows. That's just not him and if I wanted to change that I wouldn't be marrying him. I decided to go with the "I do" style vows because neither of us wants to have to say mushy things in front of people. I don't think that means the wedding ceremony won't mean a lot to him/us. He just dosent vocalize things that way.

I work closely with about 15 engineers (I'm their tech writer)- that's kind of the same thing. LOL

They are a unique personality for sure, but supposedly engineers make extremely loyal husbands. IDK.

I am an engineer and married one! A lot of engineers are just introverts and pragmatic about things. I really think they do something to us in college to make us worse or maybe it's by putting us altogether in a college we bring out the engineer syndrome in each other. DH and I wrote our own vows, and they were very meaningful, but after the wedding we were discussing the vows, and we realized we wrote them in a very pragmatic way like less flowy/emotional vows and more like a legal contract vows. And, honestly, I don't remember a whole of the vows just how I felt, and really to me and DH that's all that mattered. You might be over analyzing it; he seems happy with just remembering how he felt and that sounds great. Maybe you should just do a ceremony as you would like with some feedback from him. Usually DH would just say if he hated something; otherwise, he didn't care and just wanted me happy.

I'm also marrying a mechanical engineer, and we are not writing our own vows. Neither of us was really interested in trying to do that. Honestly, I don't want to have really, personal vows because I am pretty sure he would write better ones than I could, and I would bawl while he read them.

A lot of my friends are engineers (mechanical, electrical, structural) and DH majored in mechanical engineering in university, got kicked out and is now doing engineering technology.

We didn't write our own vows, we just took the basic ones that we offered by our church. We were more concerned about joining together in front of our friends and family and also having fun. Most engineers I know love to have fun and drink!

Look hard at what you're asking, Alicia-- *you* want the words to be important to him, but he doesn't care. So is this about you or him? Oh, and I'll let you in on a secret-- he'll probably care more than he realizes when the time comes. My dh is a computer eninerd. We had written our own, completely non-sappy vows. I blanked on them and had to just make stuff up, and when he said *his* he got all chocked up, whereas I (the therapist) hadn't teared up at all.

I guess I'm saying, "respect his wish not to be pressured about this. Pick what's meaningful to you- it *will* be meaningful to him."

@Alicia - what kills me is he says that ("the only thing i care about at the end of the day is marrying you...") but then i bring up ideas and he's like, "meeeh... i don't really like that idea. but whatever. do what you want." it's like, obviously i'm not going to want to do something that you aren't crazy about! just tell me! talk to meee... lol.

and he does care... about the price of everything. he's upped our budget twice to accommodate what i want and he's SOOO pinchy about money. and i totally get it. i agree, it's ridiculous to spend so much money on certain things... but he hardly budges at all. specifically when i start talking about decorations! i swear it's like he thinks our wedding is just going to be some chairs and tables and that's it. no, babe. we aren't spending all that money on everything and having it look like crap. sorry. lol.

he's amazing. i love him to death. but this planning a wedding with him so far is making me want to pull my hair out. lol.

Not marrying one, but both my dad and my brother are civil engineers. I wouldn't worry about cheesy ceremony. Just pick what you want, he will be fine with it. If he really doesn't like it he will speak up. Eventually he will write his vows.

First and foremost-- THANK YOU ladies! I read these to him last night! I can relate to each of you and it is nice to know its not -me-.

@Zoe M.- I get what you are saying and how it can seem as though I am being selfish. BUT, it's not about "me" wanting something, it's me wanting something for him if that makes sense?

@Jenna-- Are you sure we aren't living the same life? I felt like I was reading my own thoughts/experiences!! He says the same thing but then criticizes a choice or is very "blah" about it and then I don't want to do it. He is like, "why? I just said you can/we should?" but he doesn't realize that if he isn't impressed/doesn't like it, I don't want it, but then he doesn't understand.

And o..m..g.. "He does care...about the price of everything"-- STORY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! When i told him we were going to meet with a florist he was like, "why? What a waste of money" (which i somewhat agree) or "why do we have to put something on the table?" And I understand, but HE picked a venue $5k more than our "budget" NOT me! But it's because he thought it's what I wanted (and I did/do, I just knew what our budget was so I wasn't going to say yes). And I thought the same thing! Why spend all this money if we arent going to "decorate" it-- we should just have a house party then! haha

My fiancee's a Machinist/Lathe Technician. He fixes machines for a living. So, not an Engineer, but he doesn't have the typical career that a lot people do. He's also a volunteer firefighter so he's always been a very balanced, quiet person.

I make fun of him all the time because he never gets excited or emotional about ANYTHING. It's just not his nature.

I'm the complete opposite. I'm all over the place 95% of the time.

He will give input but he wants me to do what I want to do. As far as the vows, he said "no" immediately when I asked if he would write them.

He just said don't make our ceremony super over or non-religious, something in the middle because that's just who we are.

@alicia - omg, i'm so freaking happy that someone understands what i'm going through. lol.