Inviting My Psychotic Mother To The Wedding?

She beat you viciously before you graduation and attacked you at work. I don't understand why you're even considering inviting this woman. You can forgive her without her being a part of your life, and for your sanity and your family's sanity (future children included), I suggest you never allow her back into your life.

The invitation doesn't need to include anything about your mother. My parents paid for most of our wedding and the invites simply said "Together with their parents..." But you don't need to mention parents at all, there's lots of examples on the web for that.

Welcome to WW, you'll find lots of advice and support here. I hope you'll stick around and update your avatar (the rings) to ANY unique picture from Google we can more easily remember. This post tells you how to do that: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/welcome-to-the-weddingwire-forums-please-read-if-you-are-new/b433c40c1a62b96a.html

I can understand your desire to have her there, but if you can't trust her to know where you live, then you can't trust her to behave at the wedding. Send her a photo after.

As to the invitations, I guess it depends who is hosting. You and your fh? His parents?

This wouldn't even be a thought in my head. There is no way in hell she would be at my wedding. Mother or no Mother.

It sounds like you don't HAVE normal moments with your mother...and I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry...but your wedding day is not the day to chance it. She's attacked you physically and your relationship in any way she can manage. Forgiveness doesn't mean daily inclusion in your life, your children's lives or your future. You can forgive her as often as you feel you need to...but that doesn't mean you invite her to dinner.

As for the invitation: Ashley & (Insert FH) Are Getting Married! (Your presence is requested at the celebration of our marriage.....")

No invite. I'm not inviting my psychotic mother. She will not know when I'm getting married either.

I have to agree with the other ladies. You don't want to have one more thing to worry about on YOUR big day. As for the invitations this is what I did... my mother is helping with some of the wedding but I still did not want the wording on the invites to say anything about parents. We are having a family ceremony so I went with wording that reflected that.

FH & I have done this all by ourselves.

I'm actually getting pressured to invite her by "relatives" on her side who feel I should just let it go & that she'll behave if she is there. Basically they won't come if she wont come. I only have 1 person on that side who will come anyway but even she wants me to make peace.

I grew up an only child and my parents are only children so if I don't let her come, I will have 4 people besides my bridesmaids there to celebrate for me (the other 105 people who will be there are my FH's side of the family) I'm not really concerned about the number so much as I'm sick of not having support from the people who have known me all of my life because they are afraid of how she will react.

& thank you for the welcome. Pictures aren't even loading because I'm on my office computer. I'll update them when I get home :-)

Tell those relatives to shove it.

And save the money that you would have spent on them coming. If someone doesn't understand why you don't want to invite a person that has PHYSICALLY ATTACKED you and been abusive in many other ways to your wedding, they they suck and probably shouldn't be a big part of your life.

Your FH's family will be your family, too. Invite your family, don't invite your mother and let them decide to do whatever they'll do. Get support from the people that love and accept you and stop seeking it from those that would excuse such monstrous behavior. Their relationship with your mother is their's to figure out.

Lol @shove it. FH's family is an issue all their own everyone I have met has been kind since we met except for his Mom.

His mother and I are not close (i made the mistake of telling her she should ask her son if she wants to know personal details that I am not supposed to tell her) needless to say she's not my biggest fan. It doesn't really bug me only because thats her personality with everyone.

Seems like she has a history and won't care if it's a special event. The possible drama isn't worth it. The rest of the family I agree with Reenski just shove it and thanks for not coming.

I don't think you should invite her... Why take the chance? Relatives have opinions on everything, sometimes you just have to say "I'll consider it" and walk away!

@ Lynzey I'd regret both, i'm trying to let go of the anger i feel that I even have to have this dillema & i don't want to keep up tradition my parents didn't invite their parents to their wedding.

@ everyone Thank you for responding, ladies. I've been wrestling with this issue in my head for months now and your input has been helpful. The woman who is making my wedding dress is also a friend of my mother's (the one I mentioned will come either way but wants me to make peace) & she made a suggestion that I write a letter to her telling her how I feel(my mother likes to write me letters). In a sense maybe if she sees it in Black and White, it might break through some of her denial.

The craziest part of this is that if any of you met my mother, you would think she is awesome (very beautiful, charismatic, highly intelligent & accomplished) but all of that doesn't translate well where I am concerned

No no no....I agree with Reenski.

One issue I see is that if you invite all of her relatives who want her there, they might just end up bringing her without your knowing. I personally would say forget the lot of them.

Invite your family, DO NOT invite your mother. If they don't come, that's on them. Make sure that you have a plan in place or a security guard in case your mother shows up so that she will be barred from entering. If you get married in a church, you probably can't keep her out of there if she shows up because it's a public place, but you can keep her from the reception.

@MrsStobe that is an issue which is why I haven't handed out save the dates/invitations on her side cause they might try to sneak her in as a +1. I also have people who are telling me they won't come if she comes. My half-sister on my Dad's side hates her & refuses to come or let her children attend if my mother is there. I'm not really to worried about the sister coming because she is anti-love & relationships anyway (which is why she is not in the wedding party) but I will be very sad if my niece and nephew can't come. I also can't seat my dad with her & because my mother (who works in t.v.) has a tendency to like to get on the microphone, I can't let the DJ who is also a mutual friend of ours let her come near his booth or tell her that he's going to DJ for me.

I thought weddings were supposed to be fun. Someone lied to me LOL

Some people you just have to cut out of your life. She is a poison, giving birth to you does NOT make her your mother. I have a very similar relationship with my ex-stepmother and I swear to god if someone tries to sneak her in to my wedding or bridal shower or anything I WILL CALL THE COPS.

Weddings aren't that much fun to plan, I thought they were supposed to be too. Lol!

It's just hard when your knee jerk reaction is WTF is wrong with this woman & why the hell can't she be NICE for 1 day. Just 1 day. Hate me tomorrow. Let me have this nice friggin normal moment LOL. FH's family is always there for him. I don't have that & i don't envy it but it would be nice to just have 1 day where everyone can put aside their issues and just celebrate that the child you made, gave birth to, watched grow is marrying a wonderful man & starting a new life with him.

@Karen, the security guard is a great idea & @HalloweenBride I did not speak to her for years. FH wanted me to give the relationship another chance and was horrified when he saw for himself how bad it was. Out of respect for my Grandfather(her father who doesn't like her either) I've attempted to repair the relationship. He was a monster to her growing up so she cut him off and he wants us to not go down the same road that he did.

Ok. This is something that I can relate to. Does your mother have mental illness? IF you are already feeling this way you need to invite her. I say this because when I was younger I was married (it was a forced marriage due to military long story) My mother has mental illness and she was protesting against my marriage, (she was in an episode back then I didn't know she had manic depressant bi polar) I did not invite her to my wedding. My heart has hurt for the past 12 years or so. It's something I never could get over and I know it hurt her deeply and still does. We have become very close and I wasn't sure if I would ever get married again. Thank God he put the most amazing man in my life and I am getting married again but for most this doesn't happen and i'm sure this wedding will last forever for you You have to really think deeply about this because it may be a regret you'll have to live with for life that will tear at you emotionally. You may become closer.