Invitation upset my mom...

Wow...I don't think I would have ever left either of my parents off our invites. B/c DH's parents are divorced and remarried AND my parents are divorced and my mom is remarried...we thought it was in our best interest to write "Together with their parents" so it felt like we included ALL parents who helped raise us.

I can see why your mom would be upset and offended. She raised you...and has probably been thinking of your wedding day your entire life.

I always thought that you just listed the parents no matter what or "together with their families" if you have a complicated family tree. My FMIL is contributing nothing, but I was planning on putting her on the invite too. If you are not close with your mother, than I would explain that you wanted to be traditional on how it is worded. If she is will ing to pay for this, it might be easier for you to fix the invite and move on. It is your decision, but as others mentioned, it will make you relationship issues known if your mother will be in attendance at the wedding, but not mentioned. If you choose to leave it as is, try to incorporate your mom in the programs, or have her involved with the ceremony.

I wasn't going to put any parents on there, 'cause they're not paying. But ultimately, I at least gave them a mention: "Together with their parents, xx and xx request the pleasure of your company..."

Your father is paying for everything, so he is the host, and it sounds as if your mother has been emotionally and physically absent from a good deal of your life. I would leave the invitations as is. If it's a public statement of a slight, so be it. A good couple of years doesn't always erase the pain a person has had to feel from the childhood. Your mother is reaping the sorrow she has sown.

We are paying for our wedding so our parents were not listed on the invites.

That's a tough situation.

I was in the exact same position!

My dad was paying, mom wasnt parents are divorecd. FFIL were not contributing to the wedding, but covering honeymoon and rehursal dinner. NOW, after running all options:

Mr W

and Ms. W

and FFIL

OR no FFIL or no mom etc.

we decided to go with: "Together with their parents" instead of listing their names for the sole reason that nones feelings could get hurt.

Ettiquette wise how you did it was appropriate.

I understand where she is coming from. Because my FH mom helped us a little and so did my mom and step dad, I made invitations to say our names instead....I would be hurt if I was your mom too. This is a special moment for her as well and she wants everyone to know it. I would get them re-printed.

FH and I are listing our children's names on the invitation as the hosts. I havent mentioned it to my parents yet. I know my dad will think it is cute, and my mom will be offended. But for us, it is more about FH and his daughter uniting with myself and my son. That is the "theme" of our wedding.

Brandy,

I'm going to support you on this one and I don't think you need to redo the invites. I would advise you to acknowledge your mom's feelings and let her know you followed etiquette and did not mean to offend her.

I got married the first time around 13 years ago. My mother was and still is an alchoholic and from the time I was about 12 my dad raised me after the divorce. My mom was not there for me, we had a very strained relationship on and off while I was growing up. I too went by etiquette and listed only my father's name on the invite beause he paid for everything and my mother did nothing to support me in any way and was totally uninvolved.She was pissed .She didnt come to my wedding and we haven't spoken or seen each other since. I can understand the viewpoint that it may have hurt her feelings, however this is YOUR wedding and you thought you were doing the right thing by following "etiquette".

I agree with Amber on this one. It's your wedding & your mom is going to have to get over it. It is fair to give your father the credit for raising you into the women you became & for paying for the wedding. He is the host. Your mom didn't contribute to raising you nor to the cost of the wedding, she isn't the host. You should respect your fathers wish here (and your own decision). Your mom's reaction is probably coming from her own insecurities and perhaps even some feelings of guilt that she wasn't more involved. Try to be understanding with her but also be firm about your decision & that changing the invite would be extremely stressful to you even if she paid for it & you don't want the added stress.

I recently was talking to a friend about wedding planning and her advice was to not work so hard to please everyone else. She loved her wedding but her one regret was trying to please everyone. It isn't possible to make everyone happy and it creates too much stres

Tell her politely that it is just an invitation (piece of paper), and in no way minimizes her as your mother.

I don't think you should feel pressured or badly one way or the other. Go with how your heart feels. If you truly want to include her in it get a reprint. If you feel she doesn't deserve to be on there then leave it as is. It's entirely up to you.

I'm not putting either parent name on our invites as we are solely paying for everything. That's the best thing about paying for your own wedding - you don't feel obligated do anything to make anyone happy but yourselves.

I just put "Together with their families" so we didnt have to deal with any of that. Both mine and FH parents are divorced and remarried so it would been a list of 8 people because they are all helping pay for everything.

We put "together with their parents" simply not to offend either sets of parents. Mine are divorced, his dad is deceased so that added to the complicated wording.

I did run it by all our parents first though, just out of courtesy. My mom mentioned not being named but oh well.

I am an MOB & my ex is paying the larger portion of our daughter's reception. I would have been extremely upset if my daughter left me off the invite It is a very public slight. DH & I may not be writing out the check for the venue to the tune of $25K, however, we have paid for her day of attire, which included her RD attire, shoes, veil, etc. We also covered all of the other extras including the invites. I have also been her wedding planner.

On the other hand, I have raised my daughter since her father walked out. Both her father & I are also walking her down the aisle.

Her invite does not include "steps" &my DH was just fine w/it

Her invite reads:

Mr. Ex Hubbie and Mrs. Carole M

request the honor of your presence to the Nuptial Mass ...

Cate

to

Dom

son of Mr. and Mrs. Dom's parents

Oh yikes! I would NEVER include one parent and not the other. I am using "Together with their parents "

Even though it is just my dad and stepmom are offering up some money, my mother and her husband are not, nor is FH's parents, but ettiquette says that grooms parents go on there even if they haven't paid anything if your parents do. Did you put his on there?

I wanted to avoid any mishaps and upset. I actually just wanted to use our names but compromised with the wording I will be using.

We also did "Together with their families".

It sounds like your relationship with her isn't that great. I think a nice gesture (if you're comfortable with it) would be to ask her to write the engagement or wedding announcement for the paper for you.

Considering your relationship, I don't think it needs to be reprinted if you don't want to. It's similar to the issue of whether a father who has been estranged for most of a girl's life should walk her down the aisle or not. These kinds of things depend on how the individual bride feels IMO

We are not putting anyone's names other than ours on our wedding invites, because no one is contributing and my parents are no longer a part of my life, and aren't even invited, so I don't feel they deserve to be on there. One of the reasons I did not want to get married at the ILs church was the Pastor's insistence that they put both sets of parents' names on the board outside the church. DH's parents won't be on there, because it would be weirdly lopsided and awkward if only one set were on there. Do what you feel is right.

I agree with Michelle S. and Trista and I support your choice. (I can so relate to you about your mom leaving with a boyfriend when you were younger). I don't think you did it out of spite and your dad does deserve to be named on that invitation if that is what you want. Afterall it sounds like he did his job and hers in raising you and is now still being there for you and helping you and your FH with the wedding expenses. I think people can tend to forget that a wedding is about the Bride and Groom getting married and what they want their special day to be about. I hope this blows over for you soon so that you can enjoy your special day.

Both my parents are not in my life for the most part. They are not coming to our wedding post STD notification, so our invites will have no parents names on them. We actually were able to find great wording to have our daughter and son present us. I agree that not putting her name down brings more inquiry as to what the relationship between you and your mother. Yet, I understand why you did not put her name. The invites have already been made. It's about how you move forward from this now. She is going to be hurt but I think for her, her guilt into how it will look is also adding fuel to the fire.