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Expert September 2012

Invitation upset my mom...

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Brandy, on July 25, 2012 at 11:59 AM

Ok, so I was looking up etiquette for invites, and it said that the people who are paying for the wedding basically are the ones listed as the host in the invites. My parents are divorced and my dad is paying for everything so I got the invites to say "Fathers name requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of his dear daughter..." etc etc. My mom saw the invites at a bridesmaid get together I invited her to and is all offended now that her name isn't on there too, I told her its not like I'm slighting her or anything its just who pays for the wedding goes there, and I can't put mr and mrs lastname because they aren't married anymore. So she made it this huge big drama thing, and all of them were already printed out...and it shouldn't even be about who's name gets to be there, its about me and him getting married! I honestly didn't ever think this was going to be a huge deal, or anything at all >.

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42 Comments

Just Said Yes July 2013
KS · on July 26, 2012 at 1:28 AM
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Including one parent, and excluding the other on your invitations, regardless of who is footing the bill, was extraordinarily thoughtless.

I sincerely hope that you are able to mend fences with your mom. Especially after she was so generous to offer to pay for re-prints after your blunder.

I really do understand that the invitations seem clunky, even ironic, if there have been several re-marriages. Isn't it wonderful though that all of your parents, steps and future in-laws want to celebrate your love and ceremony of your wedding?

Good luck with the re-prints. This is definitely not a case of your mother being oversensitive. I wish you had done more research. If your dad is offended, you simply try to explain that acknowledging your mother's love in do way diminishes from your love and gratitude that you feel for him.

Good luck! and Sincere Congratulations!!!
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Super September 2012
Allison · on July 26, 2012 at 6:34 AM
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That is certainly a sticky situation and I don't think any of us on the outside can know what's "right." Is it understandable that your mom would feel hurt and offended to not be on the invitation? Yes of course. But does she deserve to be on there? That is another question altogether. Financial issues aside, if she has not been there for you most of your life then it may be unfair for her to ask you to include her in this situation.

Sometimes it is sad how stressful this process can be. We just sent out our invitations last week and FH's family is pissed about the wording. They have made a contribution to the wedding but my parents with FH and myself are paying for 75% of it. I was nervous about it but my mother insisted the wording be "Mr. and Mrs. ______ request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter ____ to _____ son of Mr. and Mrs ______" Well now FH's mother has become really short and snippy and is clearly angry. It's very upsetting.
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