Ignoring RVSP "add-ons"

What do you plan to do if they do show up then? I think if someone wrote a name in and you didn't acknowledge it, they're going to assume you're totally okay with it.

ETA: I would rather deal with them ahead of time then on my wedding day when I'm trying to enjoy myself, you know?

Uh, reconsider. It's rude to add someone to your RSVP, but it's just as rude (if not more so) to let them assume their other person can come and show up to your reception only to be publicly humiliated. These are your loved ones. Show a bit of tolerance and patience.

If you ignore it then you better have a seat for them when they show up (and they will).

Ok. I guess I do need to calm down and be a little more patient. I'm just slowly running out of patience though. Lol!

This is rude. You need to follow up with people who add guests to their RSVPs and you also need to follow up with people who didn't RSVP. What if their cards got lost in the mail and they come to your wedding dressed and gift in hand only to be turned away because you think they didn't RSVP?

I too self addressed and stamped my RSVP envelopes. And you would think that adults would adult and return the damn things. But...alas...no! So I will spend the weekend after my deadline calling, texting, facebooking, instagramming, tweeting, emailing and stalking all missing RSVPs. They will have until the following weekend to respond. No response...okay ...I did my part. If they respond after that I will point out that they received an STD 9 months out, an invitation 10 weeks out and an attempted contact 3 weeks out. I can no longer accommodate them.

And for the added randoms...I reach out and tell them no. We are 25 people over the fire code and cannot accommodate added persons.

So while I am all for bluntness please reconsider your plan.

Just say- " Thanks for replying back so quickly with your RSVP for Aunt Susie and You. FH and I have reserved two seats for you! Look forward to seeing you both!"

It's passive aggressive- but it gets the point across.

I know of at least one invitation that was not delivered. I had planned on following up with people anyway, but this guest reached out to me. She had been included in a closed FB group only for wedding guests. When it was a month out, she reluctantly asked me about the invitation. NEVER assume that people just aren't returning them. It could be a case of the invitation being lost OR the RSVP being lost.

You shouldn't just ignore them. What would you do if they all wrote in a name or didn't rsvp and then they all leave when they realize they don't have a place to sit.

Hi there Ms2Mrs, I totally hear you girl! I actually plan and coordinate weddings on the side and RSVP management is my least favorite thing to do because A LOT of people either do not respond or add on people, kids (when there are no kids allowed at the wedding) and etc. That being said, you are not alone. Not acknowledging extra RSVPs is not going to work, because when these people show up at your wedding and find out that their name is not on the guest list it's going to become not only your maitre'd head ache but yours as well. Therefore I would recruit your family to take care of this situation for you, let them make a call unless it's a close friend of yours, then you should pick up the phone and explain that unfortunately your room only holds "x" number of people and you guys are unable to accommodate but if anyone cancels you will be more than happy to let them know. This is how I usually handle the situation for my brides and I never received a negative response from any of the guests.

For those guests that do not send back their RSVP envelopes, they are considered to be a No. One exception is when your guest actually tells you in person, a phone call or a text message that they are coming, then you should count them in for sure. As a back up, after your seating chart is done, I suggest reserving 4-6 seats on the side to avoid the drama on your wedding day. Usually, instead of having 10 people at each table, we would put 8, this way if someone unexpected shows up the problem is solved quickly. Make sure that your wedding coordinator or your maître'd have your guest list in hand and table numbers with extra seating for "unexpected guest" situation available. Trust me, uninvited guest drama is the LAST thing you want to deal with on your wedding day, so it's better to be prepared than sorry later. Good luck girl and don't get too frustrated, this kind of stuff happens ALL of the time!

Oh no! I think adding people is super rude, but ignoring a problem will make it worse. For the sake of the person being added on, I think you need to address it ahead of time. Either let people know, you can't or wont accommodate them or plan on those people showing up. I'd be extremely hurt, if I was someone's date and there wasn't a place for me.

Definitely follow up with incorrect RSVPs as well as those who don't RSVP (the latter being more common). Do NOT take Diana's advice about putting them down as a no. RSVPs can easily get lost in the mail or even invitations not delivered. It doesn't take much time to just shoot out some texts and calls a few days after the deadline passes to follow up with those people and get their RSVP.

"For those guests that do not send back their RSVP envelopes, they are considered to be a No."

That is terrible advice! What if the RSVP got lost in the mail? What if the invitation got lost? Follow up with everyone who doesn't send back an RSVP.

Ignoring the problem won't make it go away.

If they add people, call them and tell them you are at your venue max and cannot accomodate any more people than originally reserved for them.

And you follow up with EVERYONE who hasn't rsvp'd...some people just forget to send them back in. Don't assume it's a no until you hear it from them personally.

Have you ordered your invitations? I added the line "_____ out of _____ ______ accepts _____regrets" to get rid of the problem of extra write in guests. I would recommend that you contact all outstanding RSVPs. I had several that never received their invitations and several who had filled them out and forgot to mail them (all were coming).

Are you being blunt or rude? You're being rude, and cutting your own throat.

Just because someone doesn't have an escort card doesn't mean they won't walk over and plop their ass down in someone's chair. If they're rude enough to come to an event uninvited (which makes me question why you didn't bother to call and set them straight in the first place,) or return their RSVP (and again, why wouldn't you call to verify if they were coming or not?! What if it got lost in the mail? Happens all the time.) then you deserve the huge ass catering and bar bill afterward to cover all of these people you didn't bother to check on and the extra labor of the venue setting up last minute tables (or having pissed off guests when they don't have a place to sit because rude people took their seats...) because you couldn't be bothered to do be responsible and follow up with people.

So basically, is it rude for you to be irresponsible? Yes.

We have had a few people move without our knowledge who are planning on coming. FH found out over the weekend that they didn't get the invite we sent a few weeks ago. Just another reason why the follow up is good.

Wow this is soooo rude! If you ignore it, then you need to have a seat, food and drink for them. First of all, you haven't had this happen yet. You can be prepared with a polite response, but you're worrying about things you don't need to be worrying about over 3 months out. Patience. Have a response, but worry when the time comes. You may get lucky and have no issues with and then you'll feel silly for coming up with this ridiculous plot to this scenario when you never needed to worry in the first place. What a waste of time!

We literally had two of my former employees ask to bring their daughters (totally fine because kids meals were cheap and we had other kids there), so not a big deal and my grandfather asked to bring two people in which he paid for. Also, not a big deal. You say you want to be as "stress free" as possible, but imagine the stress that will put on you, a coordinator (if you have one) and your vendors on the day of your wedding. I'd rather "Not Be Bothered" on my wedding day than just any other random day of the year. Just sayin'. I'd totally rethink your mindset and plan.

You need to follow up with people. What if their invitation never showed up to them because you either forgot to send on accident or it got lost in the mail? Same things happen with RSVP cards. People forget and crap gets lost in the mail. Accidents happen. Show a little mercy even though most people are just Irresponsible and rude. If I followed up with someone and got a "maybe" or crickets, then it was ok for us to assume NO and these individuals did not have a seat or food at our wedding. Fortunately no "maybes" or crickets showed up on the day of and we had no one bring a random guest that we didn't account for.

I hate to break it to you, but you're also going to have no-shows and people who will come but never give a gift. What are you going to do with those people? Whine and throw a fit OR let it roll off your shoulders even though you're really frustrated with those people and you've lost a lot of respect for them?

This is a terrible idea. A truly terrible idea. You need to either 1) designate number of seats or 2) suck it up and call or email those people who add people onto their RSVP. Here comes the snark: Being an adult means that we have to deal with uncomfortable situations. There is no way to avoid it. It will be way less awkward to pick up the phone now rather than turn people away at your wedding.

For your own sanity the day of, hunt them down. I am waiting on 80 people to rsvp and my deadline was July 1st. You want to make yourself clear before the wedding that add ons are not welcome. For me, i declined some add ons and accepted some. It just depended on my mood that day, the person and because we already had declines and i was tired of fighting people who felt entitled. For your own sanity, call these people.