If someone puts you in their wedding, should you put them in yours?

I'm having this same problem except its his sisters.....he has 3 sisters and I only put one in our wedding because she has us in her including our son!! But I was worried about being disrespectful or hurting their feelings!!

Well no I don't think you have to necessarily..some people just have more friends or family members or whatever..but I could see why she may be a little surprised..I had a BM who I was not asked to be in her wedding which was four months before mine..but I knew that she included friends she had known longer as well as cousins, so I was not offended.

Well, the reason I didn't want to include her in the wedding was because she tends to make everything about her even when it isn't about her. I know that sounds bad, but she would find a way to make herself the center of attention. She wore an ivory form fitting-dress to our other friend's wedding if that tells you anything....

Turn about is not always fair play. Things may have changed between you or you may feel like there are other people that fill the roles better. If you would like her to be a part of your day, but not in a BM role, ask her to be your attendant, a reader or other support function on your wedding day.

Funny story - my brother got married a year ago and his then fiancee thought she had to ask me to be in her wedding party because I was his sister. No other reason. Which lead to my husband having to be asked to be in my brother's wedding party because they needed a partner for me. I would much rather have enjoyed the wedding as a guest than as a token member of the wedding party.

I read somewhere, cannot remember where, that you don't have to feel obligated to put her in the wedding. I read this awhile back, so I can try to find it for you. I was in a wedding in November as well and the bride in that wedding is actually my personal attendant. We are keeping things very family oriented and only 5 BM/GM on each side.

When I did ask her to by my personal attendant she seem a little mad, but I did it because I know she wants to get pregnant a.s.a.p. So I personally didn't want to stress her out over being pregnant and being a bridesmaid.

I don't know about you being her maid of honor though, that's tough. I have never been a maid of honor.

I certainly don't believe it is required, however I can see how she might be upset since she had chosen you for her MOH and we was not included in yours.

It's kinda sticky with dealing with this. This was one of the main reasons that I kept my bridal party ultra simple, MOH and BM and that was it. I realized that once I would start adding in other bridesmaids, there would be other people I would feel obligated to include and I didn't want a big party. It has been very easy to tell people that we have having a MOH and BM and that's it and not have to worry about hurting people's feelings.

I wouldn't say anything else about it and be extra careful about talking about any bridesmaid stuff on a public place like facebook. Do you consider her as close of a friend as she considers you?

I don't think you should feel obligated and she shouldn't be offended. She should be happy for you as your friend. If she can't, then maybe you made the right choice.

Future Mrs. Ohler: I usually never post anything wedding related because I have heard some of the horror stories on here about what happens when you do! Haha However, the story with us is that we were great friends, I'd even venture to say best friends up until 4 years ago or so. She moved to another state and kind of never kept in touch. She wouldn't return my phone calls so I kind of just fell out of the friendship. Well, the only communication we had over those 4 years was FB chat which honestly, isn't saying much. Out of the blue, and of course through FB chat, she asked me to be her Maid of honor. I was shocked to be honest. Our friendship had slowly deteriorated over the course of the years and I really didn't expect it. However, I accepted because how do you tell someone, "No, I won't be your maid of honor?" She was still my friend, but I did not consider her like I do the 2 best friends that are in my wedding.

I would have asked my sisters and cousin, but that would have made up my whole party (I was in all weddings) and I just felt like "all or none" so I have strictly close friends.. I would especially love my cousin to stand up with us, but I'll do a special thank you to her since she's helping with a lot of things during the event..

I dont think so. I have a HS friend who's wedding I was in 3 years ago and now that I'm engaged I dont plan on her being in mine. Mainly because I have 6 other friends who I am closer to, 5 of them I also went to HS with. I dont think she knows that I've chosen my bridal party but I THINK she will understand. I'm trying to find another way to include her.

It's not required but I can understand how she may have thought she would have been included.

I'm kind of in the same dilemma but haven't made up my mind yet. I was the MOH in a wedding in October (it was canceled 3 days before, lost a ton of money, but that's for a different thread) and will be a BM in a wedding in April. The April bride is only having her twin sister as the MOH, and me. I feel really honored that both girls chose me to fill roles when I know they have a lot of other good friends, but I didn't initially plan to include them in our wedding. It feels kind of "wrong" - like if they see me as one of their best friends, shouldn't I feel the same about them?

Just caught your last most, mandee - I think she may not understand what you went through in "dropping out" of the friendship. She clearly wasn't as bothered as you were by not keeping in touch, and may not understand why your feelings have changed.

I don't think it's required but had my MOH gotten married and not had me in her wedding I would have been hurt. It's an honor to be in someone's wedding but even more of an honor to be their MOH. She obviously thinks highly of you and your friendship to give you that honor and then to turn around and find out she's not even included in yours would be a little hurtful and it may also make her feel like you are not the friend to her that she thought she was to you. Just my opinion though.

No. this is ur wedding. but if u want her to be in it then make her one of the BMs

Brittney: I see where you are coming from definitely! However, she is also very high maintenance and I am very low key. She wants the spotlight, I like the low light haha Also, she knows that I am her friend because after she had her son, I went and stayed with her for 2 weeks, then ended up staying another week on top of that because she had to have surgery. I took care of her 5 week old son throughout this entire time, got up and fed him all hours of the night, got a taxi to the hospital every day and sat in a hospital room 9 hours every day until her then boyfriend came and picked me up and took me and her son back to the house. I had to change my airplane ticket to stay out a week longer which cost me another $350 on top of the $308 I had paid for the original ticket. All the while, I was never reimbursed for any of it and really didn't expect to be reimbursed. However, she knows I am her friend and I guess that's why she assumed after doing all that for her, I was

Her best friend. But please don't get me wrong, she is my friend and I care about her. However, she doesn't have the money to be in the wedding and I can't afford to support all of her necessities (dress, airplane ticket, etc) I practically helped her plan her wedding over FB chat... lol I am still inviting her, but she later told me that she was okay with it and understood why she couldn't be in the wedding. She told me herself that after spending as much money as they did on their wedding (three times the amount of mine), she wouldn't be able to afford everything just 6 months after their wedding.

Maybe she is hurt because she was waiting for the chance to help you in return. I know you say she likes the spotlight, but maybe she has been envisioning throwing you a shower (even on a budget). I know in hindsight she realizes its for the best, but I can see why she initially would have been upset. Maybe I'm completely off, but it's just a thought based on an experience I had. Maybe you can include her in some of the bridal stuff when the wedding is closer.

I would love to, the only hard part is she lives in the Mid-West and I'm in Georgia! :/

View Quoted Comment Oh wow! I’m having the same problem. I was the MOH in a friend’s wedding. She thinks I’m her best friend, but she’s not mine (if that makes sense). Unfortunately, I’m feeling obligated to have her in my wedding party as a BM bc she is in the same circle of friends as some of my other BM. She makes everything about herself, she can be such a Debbie downer, and I don’t want to deal with those weird or bad vibes at alllll. However, I’m thinking it’s probably easier to just have her in it than not. I feel like she will cause more problems if she’s not in the party. Ugh. This is just awful. I swore I wouldn’t be one of those people who does things out of obligation, but I just want peace at the end of the day. Any advice?