I wish I can turn back time and do-over my wedding...

Well, as horrible as that is, you can't. The best you can do is think about how you're going to interact with her in the future so she doesn't make you insane.

I'm sorry, but of course, I've seen it before.....families who look like they had a big mouthful of Draino before they posed. Who knows what gets into them? But don't take it as a reflection on you. Move forward in a way that is less toxic.

It is a shame when parents can't just be responsible adults. I agree 100% with Celia though - their behavior is not a reflection on you.

At the end of the day you married the love of your life and made wonderful memories with him. I hope that helps you when you think of it.

I know I can't. It just really hurts that she doesn't care for me as much as she does my brother and sister. I'm the oldest and she lives with me. What lead to that night of her binge drinking was when she tried to make me look bad in front of my siblings and their significant others. With all the wedding stress I was under, I flipped on her, and my siblings had to separate us. My mother has serious issues. And it doesn't help that my father had forsaken our family for his new one and wouldn't come to the wedding after I asked him to. I guess I was counting on having at least one parent there, but then having both absent felt like salt on an open wound.

Oh no that sounds horrible and I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

@Snarky, you're right. I did get to marry my best friend and we are happy. Even DH feels sorry for me. This whole thing just makes me regret doing the wedding this way. I should've done a DW like I originally wanted to. DH and I have talked about it. He's open to a vow renewal in 10-15 years with just us and the kids somewhere exotic. He's been an amazing support system.

Oh hugs date twin! At the end of the day there will will always be the "what-ifs" or "we should have". Im really sorry you had to go through that on the wedding day. At the end of the day you and your hubby are married and you have each other!

Thank you, date twin. You're absolutely right, at least DH and I have each other, along with our beautiful kids. My brother and his wife have also been super supportive and showed us so much love, which helps me feel a lot better. It's going to be awkward and tense around the house once my brother leaves. My mother and I haven't talked much since the wedding. She just doesn't understand how much she hurt and disappointed me. In her eyes, she is the victim and has done nothing wrong.

I am so sorry, sweets. My mom is an (closet, She doesn't admit it to anyone, and lies to me and my two brothers about it) alcoholic and would rather spend 60$/week on wine than save up 60$/week for our destination wedding (and then complain that she doesn't have any money. And then plays the victim and asks to "borrow" money. Anyway). I don't anticipate her attending my wedding either, and it BREAKS MY HEART. But what gets me through is that the day isn't about her, but me and FH so if she wants to attend, she will find a way, if not she will find an excuse, and it is what it is.

I am sorry that she made it awkward between you, especially since she lives with you. And I am so happy that your husband is your pillar of strength for you during difficult times with your mom. I can relate completely, and I know it is tough. Keep your chin up and remember that your wedding was BEAUTIFUL despite her absence. If you want, maybe throw an anniversary party next year and hire a photographer then? That might be a way to get pictures that you missed? Good luck

ETA: cut off last sentence.

I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that. Everyone has trials and tribulations they deal with in their family, some show it while others hide it well. The wedding is one day in the rest of yours lives together, the most important part of the entire thing is the moment the bride and groom vow to love each other and become one. If you decide to have children with your husband then become the parents you wish you had.

@danielleesme I'm sorry you have to deal with similar problems with your mother. An anniversary party sounds like a nice idea. Only thing is that my brother and his wife wouldn't be able to make another trip from Italy again. It's too costly for them. I'm thinking of taking our bleated HM to Italy for our anniversary and do a vow renewal for just us and my brother and sis in law there with us. As for pictures, I doubt my mother would want to participate in wedding photos when we do a do-over wedding photo session. I just feel like she doesn't care about me or what I do as she does my siblings. I only got one picture with her at the reception, and that was with my siblings in the photo with us.

@Ms2Mrs thank you for reminding me of the importance of that day, the moment we vowed to become one. We do have kids together already, and we are definitely trying to be better parents to them than our own parents are to us (DH's mother has issues, too, but that's another story). What's sad is that my 14 year old daughter (not DH's) has witnessed my mother's regressive behavior towards me. I don't like to hear her say, "that's how Grandma is," when she refers to her grandmother's behavior when the topic comes up amongst the rest of the family.

I'm hoping to do a vow renewal at 5 years, just my hubs and me someplace exotic. Maybe even do 5 years for you too?

@Snarky that's what I'd like to do. If not next year for our one rest anniversary in Italy (to visit my brother and sis in law), hopefully in 5 years in Hawaii or somewhere tropical with just us, and maybe the kids if money permits.

Crap, that sucks that your mom couldn't act like a responsible, supportive adult for your wedding day. I know right now you are feeling upset and hurt- and honestly, I would probably feel the same way. With time, though, you'll start to recognize more of the great things that happened during the day (especially the whole marrying your DH thing- that's huge!). Even though you don't get a do-over for your wedding day, as others have mentioned, you can definitely do a vow renewal later on. Hopefully by then your mom will have clued in to your feelings, be a better guest and make the vow renewal something you'll cherish

Sorry you are going through this. My mom sounds very similar to yours. I am sure my Mom won't show at the wedding. I really wanted everyone to get along just for one day, but I was fighting with my Mom this weekend and I am sure the next few months leading up to our wedding wil be no different. It's been like this all my life why would it change now.. ..

Wow, that sucks. I feel so bad for you. She is the only one who can control her behavior. If she is living with you, I would seriously re evaluate that if possible. Drama queens are in every family, but she should NOT have ruined your wedding day.

C & K....I've read quite a few posts from brides who want a do-over because their wedding vision didn't turn out to be as magical as they had hoped. Most of the time, I don't respond because I know they're still dealing with wedding withdrawal -- plus, I know that life will eventually prove to them that it isn't as important as they believe it is. Eventually, they will let it go and remember the amazing moments. However, when it isn't vendors a bride is talking about, I tend to think twice before I go back to the forum page to look for new posts. When a parent of a bride/groom does something that leaves either party feeling wounded, I do take it seriously.

What you are describing is a family dynamic you need to understand and accept. Is it easy? Hell, no -- especially when there are siblings in the mix who appear to be treated differently than you're being treated. Yes, it's horrible and painful to realize that your mother treats you differently than your siblings (and it adds insult to injury when your mother is living under your roof). However, that is HER isssue, not your issue. If seeing a counselor/therapist would help you understand and deal with this, then go for it. Honestly, you can gain a world of peace in a therapist's office (or on the silent drive home). Believe me, I know what you're dealing with is no small thing, but you need to be secure in the knowledge that this is about her, not you.

Focus on what you loved about your day. Surely there were many people in attendance who had nothing but the best intentions and wishes in their heart. Focus on them, not your mother or your (inexcusably absent) father. Life is hard --- in fact, life can be torturous at times. Remember, you had a beautiful day, a magical day, a milestone day. That your mother was mentally absent is something she will eventually regret (I promise). That your father was physically absent is a crime, and it is something he will eventually regret (whether you know it or not). You? This has nothing to do with you. Don't ponder it, don't consider it, and don't own it. Your life is just beginning.

Centerpiece nailed it. I agree with everything she said. So sorry your mom and dad let you down. It sounds like you have a great family of your own and hopefully as time passes, you will be able to focus more on that and less on your parents behavior towards you. Is there anyway for you to separate yourself from her since she is so toxic in your family's life?

As much as I would like to separate myself from my mother at times, I cannot just kick her out. I bought my house with her in mind. In our culture, it is customary for generations to share one household. It's an honorable thing to take care of our parents as gratitude for them giving life to us and raising us. If it wasn't with me she lived with, it would be with my brother. However, my brother is active duty military with no kids yet. I have kids, so she stays with us and helps us with childcare. I'm sure once my brother starts a family, she will go to him. All of my siblings know how our mother is. This wasn't the first time she's behaved like this. It just hurts more because it was on my wedding day.

Aww. I have a similar family dynamic, and deciding on a wedding was really hard because of this factor. My mother favors my brother. She is downright mean to me and says catty things that sound terrible coming from your own mother. She did this in front of FH's family once, so she will do it at the wedding too. I sometimes secretly dream someone will catch her talking like the way she does, call her out and put her to shame over it ... because if one of my friends ever heard her talking like that I'm sure at the age we are now, they would say something to put her in her place. She is just rude. My dad is now deceased, but less than 5 years ago when my brother got married and invited him to the wedding, he didn't go because ... in his words to me: "Barbara (his 2nd wife) would be mad at him." Nauseating! A man controlled by his jealous wife. Yes, I believe he regretted not going just before he died less than what was it ... ?? something like 2 years later! UGH. You are in a particularly rough spot having your mother live with you. Believe me, over the years my crazy negative mom lived with me and helped with child care ... thank goodness those days are over. I am totally going to focus on the positive on my wedding day. There will be a lot of negatives I'm sure, but I'll drive myself crazy if that's all I focus on or think about or eventually regret. No regrets .... focus on who was there and who did love you that day, focus on your beautiful life with DH. Come to acceptance that this is your family, and try hard not to repeat it with your new family. When I get down about MY family, I focus on the wonderful new family I am gaining by marrying FH.