I now understand invite drama!

Amen! i feel you on that. I gave into my MILs request but come on you hadn't seen these people in years! i wanted a small wedding! (it was still small lol) but getting people added to a list that was "final" really sucked glad its done.

Ugh so true!

I was told by FFIL and FMIL that "So and So taught him how to swim" so they should be invited.

We just laugh it off when we think about it. If they would like to pay for the wedding, then they have a say on who is invited.

It is easier said than done and I feel you. We haven't even sent out save the dates, but I am bracing myself for the drama!

LMAO that meme!!! People suck.. For some reason all logic seems to disappear when it comes to weddings.

Oh my gosh, something similar reared it's ugly head at Thanksgiving. Out of the blue, FH said to his uncle that he needed to get with him soon, then says goes on to say that we are not inviting cousins to the wedding. This uncle made the comment that, yeah, the family is just too big. I thought it was totally inappropriate and completely out of the blue. On the way home, I asked FH where that came from. It took several tries but he finally admitted that his mother told him he had to talk to all of his aunts and uncles amd explain that their (adult) children were not invited. She was originally upset that all the cousins were not going to be invited intil her sister (our planner) stepped in and said it didn't make sense for them to he invited (hers included). I sort of (ok, did) go off that in this case his mother is completely wrong, you do not call up people and tell them who and why other people are not invited, you only explain if someone asks, and furthermore, this uncle got married last year amd didn't invite FH - did he call or email why? Of course not, because tou don't so that. I even went so far as to say that his mother came from a time when you invited every person you knew, but receptions were also cake and pumch amd didn't cost thousands of dollars. I had to remind him that no one really cares about this wedding except for us (& maybe my mom who is so excited and keeps saying do exactly what YOU want). I refuse to have any drama and will lay out any person that tries to create any. Threaten not to come - don't come, we'll miss you, but you are not needed there! (Sorry for hijacking your thread for my rant).

Haha kimi it's okay, that's what this is for!

His father refused to come if his sister, who has never been in FH's life other then the occasional visit, isn't invited. The big family joke is how she doesn't care about them and only comes to stay with them so she can go shopping and not pay for a hotel. My FH is very direct. No she isn't invited. She's not taking a spot that a close friend could have. Then FFIL pulled the "well all of Sarah's family is invited". Actually no they aren't and you have no idea what you are talking about.

OMG, why do grown ups do that? I'd be fuming too - sorry this happened as if wedding planning weren't stressful enough as it is.

Did they actually through the "we're not coming if they aren't invited" temper tantrum though??? That's pretty good. I'm impressed lol.

He said he wouldn't come, then FMIL called and said she would give up her meal so that the aunt could come. Umm no it's not about the money. They just don't get it.

I couldn't imagine. I am so stubborn that I would call their bluff.

We are having the same issue! FMIL has about 20 people on our list that neither FH or I have ever met! Her excuse "they invite me to all of their kids weddings, and birthday parties." UGH yes they invite you not us how is that argument even valid. I feel for you and any other bride on here going through this.

I'm great at saying "just say no" as well! That's how I let my guest list go from 55 people to 187 by the time invites went out (don't worry, we had the space and could afford it, but we originally wanted a "small, intimate wedding" ha).

Wow, refusing to come is taking things WAY too far. At that point the stubborn redhead in me would be like screw em. I know that's not very practical advice but it's what my first instinct would be, lol.

Reggie - That's pretty much what FH said. Let them kick themselves after the fact for not coming to their sons wedding. He's at the point of just not giving a crap.

My in-laws kept wanting to invite extra people as well. I told them fine...if they paid for those people.

They have absolutely nothing to contribute to the wedding... up until FH lost his job we were actually giving them money each week to help pay some bills. Hence why FMIL offered up her meal. Which is not going to happen. Plus it's more a principle of the thing for FH. The other two aunts that she insists we invite live very different lifestyles and they just aren't people FH wants around on his wedding day (excessive smoking, swearing, alcoholism, and buying a hooker for 18yr old b-day are his top objections).

Wow- that's brassy- I definitely would have been "well fine- don't come". That's ridiculous!!

My fuse of "eh" to "fuck them we're getting married with or without them" ... is EXTREMELY short. #temperproblems LOL

never the less NO- is a great word- and probably should be used more often.

So this gets me thinking though- and go with me here... I know- it's an afternoon on a monday- just go with me:

you know how if a guy asks you out- and you say "no thank you" sometimes that isn't good enough- and they get quiet pushy and usually the breaking point is "I have a guy- I'm engaged- I'm dating- I'm married" whatever- which honestly it annoys the ever living shit out of me. B/c it means- my words aren't good enough- my NO isn't good enough- you have to have the thread of another man "protecting his property" for you to back off.

do you think ONE of the reasons we have this is because in society our "no" rarely means anything? it seems like it can be a fight all the time in these cases and I wonder if that's part of it- that under the surface impression that our no never really means no...

anyway- I have nothing at work- I am just sipping on hot chocolate thinking about women in society today apparently.

I'm with you. my FMIL wants us to invite his friend from 3rd grade and his mother. They haven't talked since then sooo that would be awkward. Not happening.

I think you're definitely right JoRocka. Nowadays unfortunately peoples no's don't always mean no and yes not always yes. There is a constant struggle between being stubborn and being polite. Not offending but staying true to ourselves. We tend to apologize too much for our actions. So we say no but then apologize for it. No, sorry, I can't go out with you. Why are you sorry? You don't want to go, you have nothing to apologize for, you know?

JoRocka you hit the nail on the head. It's teh entitlement thing and somehow it's trickling up from the kids to the adults. Little Timmy throws a fit because you told him no. You're embarrassed about it, so you cave or you offer something else. People don't follow through with their no, and it's creating a mess in society.