I had to fire a bridesmaid....Long story inside

I'd be pissed. It's so easy to say "you shouldn't expect so much from your bridesmaids" but if you're the one who's bridesmaid AKA friend is not there for you for important miles stones in your life it's hurtful. That's a friendship thing not a bridesmaids thing. Hopefully you can continue planning and enjoying you're engagement on a less stressful level.

Congratulations on the BM upgrade!!

I'm one of those people that's really not expecting much of their bridesmaids but to show up to rehearsal and be free the entire day of. But I still agree with you and your decision. You didn't ask for much and you shouldn't have to he around such negativity or feel stressed. I'm glad things are better now.

From the moment i heard she had something to say about my ring, she would have been GONE! OMG... I am so glad she is out of your wedding. I was hangling on to your story word for word, so interesting but I had you had to go through all of that. Sounds like she was never a friend and a tad (to say the least) envious. God bless your day and nuptials!

I'm kind of on the fence about this one, but I don't blame you. My BMs were my most stressful and disappointing thing of the wedding. I was going to drop one several time (well, just have a back up plan for when she didn't show, because she wasn't showing up for anything with lame excuses). Turns out she has all kinds of issues going on, but didn't want to be a downer. But if I had known, I would have completely understood, I just thought she was being a flake.

I think she was okay until you rejected her Nashville plans, as you should have, $600, that's ridiculous. Then she went crazy. Ain't nobody got time for crazy!

I'm glad you feel better, and deep down she probably does too.

I am also someone who does not expect a whole lot from my BMs. However, what I DO expect is for them to fawn over my ring, dress, and definitely ME on my wedding day

So for that- she sounds like a real biotch, and definitely not a great friend!

What I have learned if someone does not want to help you in the first place, there is no point making them in the Bp, they often did not accept the role because they want to help you it is because they feel it is their chance to shine or look pretty in pictures. If I could have redone my selection it would have been different. I picked someone because of the long term friendship I had with them but it turned out to be very one sided.

I was always helping her in life, so when it came back to asking help, i was told back 'that is not my problem, why do I even need to help?' It took me by shock. In the end, it is better to not be in the presence of those who bring you down, and who knows it could be she is jealous or just did not care for the responsibilities.

I just decided not to have a bridal party., to avoid this type of drama and keep it simple. Moh mad best man that's it. Honestly though I didn't require much of my MOH but to show up at the wedding and the color of the dress. I have not fired a bridesmaid, but lost a friend for a short period of time due to wedding related issues. Sorry to hear of your situation, hope you and your friend can work things out. I'd give it a little time and I'm sure things will blow over.

Personally I think you kind of had a lot of demands.... but that's just me. Congrats on being free from your BM, I'm sure you'll be less stressed now that it's sorted out.

From what you have written some if it seems valid to be upset, other parts seem silly to expect certain things. Were you two even that close?...it doesn't seem like it.

I'd like to hear her side of the story in order for me to consider it all.

In the end I'm glad you feel you've made the best choice and that both are okay with the decision. But I feel bad that even though you've made her anonymous that she was talked about behind her back on here...if I were her and read it I'd probably know it was about me given the specific details stated.

I hope the rest of your wedding planning is better and stress free.

I thought you sounded pretty demanding to be honest and although she was acting poorly in some cases, so were you. You had quite the list of demands. Like seriously, would it have ruined your wedding if she had done her own nails? Things like that are so petty. Brides do not get to demand how BMs spend their money. I would also never "replace" a bridesmaid. Bridesmaids are people, not props for your photos or assistant wedding planners. Replacing a BM is both an insult to the one replaced (not that you care since you will no longer have her as a friend) and to the the new BM who will always know she was a second choice. It's just wrong.

You sound really demanding. Like a PP I'd like to hear her side of the story. Sorry you had to deal with such stress, but seems like you helped cause a lot of it since so many things you wrote sounded petty. Usually, if you're making them get their hair and nails done you pay for it. Its only good etiquette and expected. I'm making my MOH get her hair and make-up done therefore I am paying for it. Yeah she dropped the ball in Nashville, but I don't think we're getting the entire story.

No offense, but if youre requiring her to have her hair and make up/nails done and not giving her the option to do them herself then you should be paying for it.

I clicked on invite to connect because I thought it may lead me to sending you a message about my situation where I had a bridesmaid pretty much quit on me. I share your stress and having a great friend to fill in and was going to tell you about my story in a private message if this site has that capability. I too felt a weight off my shoulders once things were figured out and glad they were done in enough time to fix the problem. Was never going to be the end of the world if my bridesmaids were uneven or anything I was just so concerned about how our friendship would be after this. If the message thing doesn't work let me know and I'll share my story with you on here.

I agree with ForeverYours. Some of the things you say she did are definitely a little crazy, but your demands were a little over the top. I get wanting them involved with the shower and bach party, but you really were surprised that she didn't want to do craft nights? And I agree with some others that if you wanted her to have professional hair and nails then you should have paid for it.

It does sound like you weren't that close with her anyway, so it's not that big of a deal. But I kinda cringed when I read you replaced her.

I fired my first made of honor. I texted and called her several times and she still hasn't replied back to me. That was several months ago. I have a new maid of honor who can fulfil her duties and keep me from stressing out about things. Now the bridal party consists of my closest friends. I fired on of the groomsmen to. He gave me attitude and I don't give people more than one chance. If I have to walk down the aisle with no one but my FH then that's ok with me. I'm determined not to let people ruin my day. Now planning is almost stress free.

I havent asked my bridesmaids to do anything, pay for anything, have a bridal shower, or planning craft day, or bachelorette party. They arent being asked to pay for a bunch of activities pre wedding. They all chose the dress, and I paid for them. I understand she let you down and she was being snarky and negative, but I'd never ask anyone to jump through that many hoops without feeling like a super mean controlling bridezilla. But then again, I was raised by hippis, so that might be why.

Meh she sounds like hard work. I do wonder why she agreed to stay in the BP after she was informed of what she had to pay for. Most reasonable people would state in no uncertain terms that their budget would not allow for hair/makeup/nails/parties if that was the case.

Do consider lessening the burden on your other members of the BP by paying for the things that you are requiring of them, like the hair/makeup/manicures, or allowing them to do their own.

If you have to write a story this long for strangers on the internet about your frustration, you made the right decision removing her from the bridal party in my opinion...

I actually feel you in most if the issues.

Yeah it could seem like you were asking a lot. 3 showers, but I'd assume it would have been nice if she came to ONE. She wanted nothing to do with any of them.

Huge issue with the Nashville trip. I'd imagine HER suite would have been comped if everyone else had paid theirs.

If you paid for her dress, I see absolutely no reason she couldn't have paid for her hair and nails. At this rate, she'd have gotten off with paying 100% zilch, while others had to pay for all their stuff.

Snide comments? Smack that biotch and yank her weave out. For real.

Some of us should step back into the old days. When hunter green taffeta and white lace with gloves were staple BM attire. Or when you'd wore whatever horrid satin number the brides mother picked, while she relived the wedding she never had.

Bet some of us wouldn't be so damned bridezilla now, would we? I've got 1 who looks much better than she feels, and has argued every single step of fashion possible. To the point where we have 3 months...and my girls don't have dresses! Bc even when it was "davids bridal, black and satin", it was still an argument.

So, I definitely feel you :-)