i excused my maid of honor from the wedding party two weeks prior to the big day

I don't think you'll be seeing that money or former friend again.

Why would your moh pay for the entire hotel? I agree with pp, you won't be seeing that friend again

View Quoted Comment I paid 620. Her portion was 152

You were completely justified in letting her go. Weddings are stressful enough regardless of having someone being flakey and irritating.

LET ME PLEASE CLARIFY. I PAID 620 FOR EVERYONE. HER PORTION WAS 152. ??????

View Quoted Comment Please read the post before leaving comments like this

View Quoted Comment I read the post, you dumped your friend because she didn't spend a ton of money on your wedding and throw you parties. Did she know what responsibilities and expectations you had when you asked her to be MOH? If you were sick, would you go to your friends bachelorette? It sucks that she agreed to go to the bachelorette but life happens. I think you're overreacting

View Quoted Comment She spent zero money. Zero time. Zero attention. You’re pretty bold to assume i would dump a friend for reasons you stated. You also accused me of demanding the entire hotel cost from her. Do YOU know what it means to be a maid of honor?? Or her duties??? Obviously don’t. Don’t come looking for fights when you don’t understand what I’m saying. Bye.

View Quoted Comment I did not say you demanded the entire hotel cost from her, but you didn't mention how much she owed you for the hotel. I know that people have varying levels of expectations for their MOHs, so that's why I asked if your moh knew what your expectations were. Don't post on a public site if you want to avoid someone disagreeing with you.

I can understand where u are coming from and I agree 1000%. A MOH should be reliable and dependable. Especially when you ask so little. I had to approach mine and talk about how I was feeling because she wasnt helping- said she would help do DIY bouquets and hasnt made time to see me to assist, and does not even ask about the wedding. The other 4 BM (my mother is one) dont even reply back to group chats, the only one who replies back has been my mom. So I can understand your stress. Planning a wedding is hard enough without people being undependable

If I were your MOH, I’d sell the dress before giving it to you and I wouldn’t pay for the hotel either. When you remove someone from your wedding, you’re likely ending the friendship whether you feel you were right to do so or not. Why would she then do things for you (pay for the hotel and give you the dress) if you aren’t her friend anymore?

View Quoted Comment You’re right. I’ve been the worst maid of honor, literally did NOTHING for your wedding, so why would i start being a decent person AFTER being excused?? Makes perfect sense

This is sad. You dont pick a MOH based on what optional parties they can throw for you, you choose them based on your relationship with them. I feel really bad for your ex-friend.

Okay I'm going to respond to your original post but as a previous poster said you're asking for people's opinion on a public forum so maybe not everyone will agree with you. Yes as brides when we choose our maid of honor and bridesmaids we do expect a little bit more of them than just show up on the day and stand by our side. However, that is really all she is obligated to do is to Stand By Your Side on the wedding day and in the chosen attire and look nice. It is not her job to plan the bridal shower or bachelorette party. In fact there are times I've been a bridesmaid and it was the mother of the bride that planned the bridal shower. I get that maybe she didn't meet your expectations and I don't know the backstory but I will ask did you make this clear in advance? If not, it sounds like you expected a lot from her without communicating that to her. Also usually when I have been a bridesmaid it's not always just the maid of honor that plans everything rathet the whole bridal party so did any of those ladies step up to plan a bachelorette or shower? I'm having a maid of honor for my eloping ceremony and she asked me yesterday if I'm having a bachelorette and I said I would love one and gave some ideas that I had. I did not put that expectation on her but I also don't feel it's fair for her to pay everything and I'm going to sit with her to help plan and pay because she has kids and she has her bills. The reality is this whether we like it or not as brides, bridal shower and bachelorette parties are not obligatory, they're optional. Anyone even someone outside of bridal party can throw them for you. I even know Brides that have planned their own bachelorette parties and there's nothing wrong with that. I am not sure if you communicated earlier that you wanted some type of shower to your bridal party because maybe if so one of them would have stepped up to plan something. I do understand why you're frustrated and it does suck that for whatever reason she did not come to your bachelorette but if she was truly sick I would not want to attend either and get everyone else sick because that would have been more annoying. As others have said when you do choose to remove someone from your bridal party that is a friendship ending move so as others have stated most likely you're not going to see your money again and two of you most likely will no longer to be friends. I know that's not what you want to hear but if someone would have kicked me out of their bridal party because I didn't throw them a shower or attended their bachelorette that person would no longer be my friend. None of what I'm saying it's just to upset you but it's just to tell you the reality of things even if that's not necessarily what you want to hear so please don't take things the wrong way. Some Brides will fully agree with what you did but I'm just playing Devil's Advocate on the matter here.

Based on your responses, it doesn't seem you want to hear any perspectives different from your own. So, having nothing to do with you and your situation, FYI there are brides who do not expect anything from their wedding party members other than the fact that they show up for the wedding in the requested attire.... Some MOHs do not and are not expected to host/organize showers/bachelorettes/etc., but their brides are still thrilled to have them stand up with them (and they maintain their friendships loooong after the wedding!). That might be why some pps are giving you the feedback they are -- they do not have the same expectations you do. Given your expectations, I'm sorry your MOH was such a disappointment to you. It's possible she may have had a different understanding of the expectations and thought her friendship was enough.

I have to agree with PP's on this. Bridesmaids/MOH's are not required to spend their time and money planning optional bridal showers/bachelorette parties. If they offer to do so then that's great, otherwise it shouldn't be held against them. As mentioned previously, a bridesmaid/MOH is only required to stand by you on your wedding day in the appropriate attire.

Putting your expectations for you MOH aside, I don't think she owes you for "her portion" of the hotel at all. She didn't go to the bachelorette party and you kicked her out of your wedding. Had that been me in her shoes, I wouldn't have given you a dime either to be honest. I also wouldn't have given you the dress, I would've tried to sell it to get my money back that is now wasted because you kicked her out of the wedding. I also think it's very poor manners to ask someone else in your life to be a "stand in" bridesmaid as her replacement.

As PP's have said, it doesn't sound like you really want other people's thoughts on this situation, even though you asked for them. The best advice I can give you is to take a step back and really look at your actions here. Your friend deserved a lot better than the treatment she received from you. ALWAYS be a friend first and a bride second. Wishing you the best on your wedding day.

This is horrible of you. Your MOH isn’t obligated to plan a shower or a bachelorette party (it’s really nice of your other bridesmaids to have done it at all...) and you’re calling her unreliable and asking her to no longer be your MOH because she’s sick....? Yikes.

Wow, your poor former friend. You aren't coming off well here, OP.
You aren't entitled to a bridal shower or a bachelorette party. I feel horrible for her that she felt she had to prove she was sick to you. She didn't owe you money for the hotel, she certainly wasn't obligated to give you the dress which I assumed she paid for.
You did not treat her very well at all.

No one is obligated to come to a bachelorette party, I couldn't make one of my friend's parties because I had family in town; the MOH for her tried to ask for money for it even though I RSVP'ed that I wouldn't be able to make it. I refused to give her money, not my fault they did a poor job budgeting for the hotel rooms. To me I don't expect a bachelorette party at all, if I have one great if I don't I don't care. All that matters to me is having my best friend by my side when I marry my FH. My mom is throwing me a shower. Your friend was doing what most expect for their bridal parties which is show up with the dress.

Everyone’s views on the duties of a MOH/bridesmaid differ. Did you clearly communicate your expectations for a shower and bachelorette party to her prior? And was she agreeable? If so then I’m sorry she didn’t follow through on her word, but if not, you can’t expect someone to automatically put a lot of time and money into optional parties. The way your post sounds is that you kicked her out because she had the flu. As far as the dress, unless you paid for it you had no right to ask for it back. And who is really gonna “stand in” with less than 2 weeks to go? That’s an insult to whomever you ask, basically telling them you didn’t value them enough to ask last year but now that you are in a bind they are good enough. Overall I think you need to take a long look at what your MOH means to you and your friendship. Is it really worth throwing away over this?