i excused my maid of honor from the wedding party two weeks prior to the big day

View Quoted Comment 100% This. And she was sick. None of us chooses when to get sick.

At first I kinda felt sorry for your friend...but after reading your post a couple more times...I think she got lucky to get out of your "friendship" when she did. If I had a friend like you, I would run screaming in the other direction... As mentioned previously...the ONLY REQUIREMENT for a bridal attendant is to show up on the day of the wedding in the required attire. That's it. And for you to throw away a "friend" because they didn't spend enough time or money on you and plan extravagant OPTIONAL parties....is really crappy on your part. But I do feel sorry for the "replacement". It's a pretty crappy situation to be asked to stand up with someone 2 weeks before a wedding...clearly you don't think enough of the replacement to have asked them in the beginning...I'm sorry, but I think you need to rethink your ideas of friendship and how you treat people you supposedly care about.

As other PP replied, it isn't really her obligation to throw you any sort of party or spend any sort of money. She even felt embarrassed to go to the bachelorette? Really makes me wonder what was said and how it was said during the conversation you had with her about how you and the other brides planned everything without her. Also, sometimes people get sick. When I was 17 a friend was too sick to attend a party I had and I was pissed - but I was 17. I got over it a week later and apologized to HER because that was NOT the right reaction for me to have, and I haven't made a mistake like that since.

When I was asked to be a bridesmaid a few years ago I had no idea what my obligations were when I signed up - I just felt honored to be a part of the big day. But I soon learned it came with a lot of responsibility! I shelled out a lot of money between going to wedding expos, the bachelorette, dress shopping, planning meetings, the bridal shower, etc. And then I spent a lot of personal time helping out doing other activities too, like assembling wedding favors and creating invites. I had no clue I would be doing all of those things. Some maids don't know. It's important to have that conversation with them in the beginning, and to keep them in the loop throughout.

I don't think your reasons for dumping her were justified unless you had
a convo with her at the beginning about what her financial
expectations were. If you didn't, this is your fault and not hers. And
if you did express your clear expectations then it's hers.

View Quoted Comment All of this. Well put.

I would probably apologize to your friend. I mean, she was sick, right? I felt slightly hurt reading your post, and I'm not even the MOH! I think all of this was due to lack of communication, mostly on your part I would say. Sorry for the stresses you may be feeling, but I think you owe your friend an apology, if she's willing to hear it. This may have very well ended the friendship, unfortunately.

View Quoted Comment Hey Cindy! Planning a bachelorette for the bride is a known and common responsibility for the MOH. Your MOH also rsvp to the party. If it was pre determined that you would catch the upfront cost and then each member would pay their portion then she should pay her part. If she felt unsure about being able to make or not being able to afford the cost she should not have said she was going to come. Though, I do have to agree if she paid for the dress then she shouldn’t have to give it back. Maybe borrow it for the stand in and return it to her? Also, I am sure your stand in will be more then understanding and happy to participate.

She's foolish and definitely should pay you back for waisting your time and pretending she even cared!

1. No one owes you a party.

2. Did she buy her dress? Then you have no right demanding it from her so you can give it to her replacement.

3. She was SICK. If she'd showed up anyway, I suspect you'd be on here complaining she came to your party and now everyone has the flu.

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Hi, she did not want her to pay for the whole hotel stay, only her portion which is only fair since she cancelled the night before

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Hi, I am so glad someone else has said this!!! I feel like if you agree to attend a pre fix amount event.... like a vacation, night out, hotel that was pre paid and you agreed to go than yes if you can not go anymore you should still pay your portion as you are leaving others stuck with this amount. I am not sure about the dress situation but I also do think many people believe the moh atleast plans the bach I know I did when I was one and have always experienced the moh planning for others... I thought I was crazy because I felt like no one else mentioned this lol

View Quoted Comment Well she never said how much she wanted her moh to pay. It's not really fair for someone to pay for something that they don't use

View Quoted Comment I can’t speak for her because I do not know the full conversation, however I know booking mine everyone was informed of the cost of the hotel.... if the moh was informed of the cost and knew it was being split and did not show up than yes I think she is still responsible and it also puts more on the other maids because they have to pay more because they thought x amount was going but did not

View Quoted Comment If the moh was told the expectations that op had for the moh role, yes the moh is responsible. The situation isn't that simple because the moh got sick, she couldn't control that. It's not like she partied the night before and got super hungover and that's why she didn't go. It sucks that the price would go up for the rest of the people involved but hey, OP could just invite other people to join the bachelorette or something.

It is not a MOH, it and BM, responsibility to plan a shower or a bachelorette. Those parties can be done by any female family or friends who offer to do it. Only if they speak up and volunteer. Because you choose your bridal party from your closest friends and family, very often some of your BP, or all, volunteer to do it. And those who plan it, pay for it. But very often one or all of your MOH it BM do not volunteer to do it. You, the bride, or other BM, cannot just assume someone will do it. That was wrong on your part, not hers. And you cannot bill people for shares in a party, they are not planning . And you cannot bill people for shares in a party they do not attend. You made assumptions that are wrong, that she ought to do things to plan and pay for things, unfairly. Those are NOT job responsibilities of a MOH. Your being presumptuous and faulting her, when she did nothing wrong ( never volunteered) , has set you and likely others against her. You should apologize to her for putting the responsibility of planning parties on her. Not her job. And for being generally unpleasant and kicking her out, when you started trouble to begin with. I hope you paid for the dress. Since she did not owe any hotel bill
In weddings, and other social obligations, you can only hold people responsible for things they volunteer to do. You cannot assign them ( that is rude.). It is like demanding a gift from someone. It is not part of agreeing to be MOH, or BM.

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THIS!

They have no task except to stand on the altar with you and witness you profess your love. Anything beyond that is their call and should come directly from them, i.e., "I'd love to throw you a shower!" NOT "THEY DIDN'T THROW ME A SHOWER!"

"She also said she had a flu. The night before the party. She announced she was too sick to come. And sent me screenshots of her texts with other people where she was telling them she was coughing and her head hurt. I expressed that I would have to excuse her at this point because I found her to be highly unreliable.." People have lives and cannot always drop everything to focus on planning you an expensive party. People also get sick. Unpredictably. Why was she "embarrassed and on the fence" about coming to the party? Was it because she knew she'd have an uncomfortable conversation with you when she explained she just couldn't get one planned fully and/or didn't have a lot of support during the process? Hm.

View Quoted Comment Right? Can you imagine having to prove to your friend that you have the flu...? This poor girl...

View Quoted Comment How does one prove they have the flu? A bucket of vomit? Lol. 🤮🤢

I've been a MOH twice and a bridesmaid once and I feel like it's common knowledge that the MOH plays a large role in planning these kinds of events. However, bridesmaids and other family members could (and really, should) help out as well. It sounds like your MOH dropped the ball here, and from what you mentioned about sending screenshots, also sounds like she feels guilty about it to some capacity (why else would she try to prove herself, you know?).

With that being said, I think you'll need to eat the money. It sucks, and I get your perspective completely (I've planned enough bachelorette parties to know what it's like to eat the cost for someone else who didn't show up/pull their weight) but inevitably she wasn't there so in her eyes, that's a you problem (not saying I agree here, mind you).

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The BM and MOH can choose to play a big role, but it's not their responsibility. Their only responsibility is to get the dress and show up to the wedding. Anything else is gravy on top. Showers and bachelorettes can be thrown by anybody who offers (other than the guest of honor, of course). If nobody offers, you don't get one.

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I understand where you're coming from, but in my eyes that's kind of par for the course when you accept that r ole. All of the times I Was a bridesmaid that was part of the deal, you know?