i don't want to have this wedding anymore

Usually deposits are on refundable... but in my opinion if you dont want to have a big wedding then dont do it. This is about you and him. If you want a small private ceremony then that's what you should do. Dont worry about what others want or even if they'll be upset. Who cares. It's not their wedding. It's yours.. and you should have it how you want it.

Non refundable*

I felt Like that maybe 3 months out, but I had already bought my dress put down payments or paid off everything just about. So i would just lose more money than I could stomach. Plus all bridesmaids had their dresses and flights from Cali to Michigan which I’m in no position to pay back. But if I were at your spot in the planning game I would switch it up! Talk to your fiancé and do what you want. I originally wanted to have 10 people my invite list went out at 50 hoping for only about 30. So do what you want when you may lose out on couple hundred bucks rather than thousands or have a day you hate.

Deposits are normally non-refundable, that's the purpose of deposits. You could always check your contract to find out. If both you and your FS want a smaller, more intimate wedding, then have one. I would rather lose out on a $1k (or however much) deposit than regret not having the wedding that I wanted for the rest of my life.

Could you adjust your plan to have a smaller, more intimate guest list at your current venue? I wouldn’t feel pressure to have a huge party. This was the biggest point of contention between my fiancé and I. He wanted a big party and I wanted a small backyard wedding. We ended up going with the big party, but we compromised on the location of my choosing (we chose a town I spent my summers growing up in, so it is very sentimental for me). He sees it as a chance to have a great time with all of your favorite people there, which helped me feel more comfortable with a larger group than I envisioned. Maybe that mindset will help you? I guess it depends on who you’re feeling the pressure from, who’s paying for it, and who it is appropriate to compromise with. Unfortunately I don’t think you could get your deposit back.

The deposit you put down on the venue is probably non-refundable but there may be few options.

Could you still use the space and have an intimate wedding? Is there a smaller room the in space for a ceremony and catered meal? Have you invited anyone yet? If not, could you chop down your guest list to just the people you couldn’t imagine not being there? If you can’t use the space because of minimums or whatever, could you plan an intimate wedding and live with losing the deposit money? Is the stress related to feeling behind on planning and not actually the size of the wedding? What can you get done to lighten the stress? Is there room in the budget for a wedding planner, if the stess is from self-planning?

These could be some questions to ask yourself and your partner. Hopefully it can spark a converstation into what you both think and want for the wedding. It’s definitely not too late to change the plan if that’s what you want to do, but talk it out and then start making some decisions. Best of luck

View Quoted Comment I agree &if you have only spent on this, you still may be saving more in the long run. I’m assuming you haven’t sent out STDs or invites so you’d already be saving on the guest list. Or, is it not possible to still have the small wedding at that venue? I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way!

First of all, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this and that you aren't getting help planning. With 8 months to go, you have a lot of time to remedy whatever is causing you to feel stressed. Can you pinpoint exactly what you don't want? It seems like it's mostly the money and the complexity of the planning, but is there anything else you're dreading?

I would just shorten your guest list up as much as possible, maybe do digital save the dates/invites? Perhaps a buffet for catering (so you don't have to worry about meal choices, dietary restrictions, etc). Can you have the ceremony privately - literally a courthouse the week or so before - and then just do the reception? That might be helpful in minimizing the stress of people's expectations. It's your experience, so just do exactly what you want - and no one else. I'm not doing dancing, bouquet tosses, garters, cake cutting, etc. I'm not having myself or my bridal party being announced, etc. - I'm basically having a short ceremony followed by a big fancy dinner.

What exactly about planning is causing you so much stress?

I know for me I get caught up in little details which makes me very anxious about whether this color or that flower is the right choice. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and say that I don't want to plan anything anymore. I also have no one actively helping me. For me, forgetting about the little details for a moment and seeing how much planning I've actually accomplished helps me a lot. I've booked my venue, photographer, cinematographer, DJ, bought my dress and shoes, and picked all my songs. That's CRAZY for me! I honestly can't believe I was able to make all those decisions and commit to them!

If you're overwhelmed by planning, take it day by day. One day, focus on ceremony songs. The next, favors. Then another, color and decor. And if your budget allows, just hire a planner! It may be hard to figure out how to plan a wedding when you've never planned an event before (most brides haven't!), but the internet is your best friend. Use weddingwire as a resource. Fake it til you make it!

I’m one month away and I still feel the exact same as you. Sometimes I want to cry and I’m angry and resentful. I don’t want this wedding either. I want to marry the man I love, but I’d love to cancel everything and elope at the beach instead. I felt the same way you did also 8 -10 months ago, and I can’t wait until this is over. I don’t feel like a bride, and I’m not excited at all. If you can stomach the loss of the down payment, do it. You won’t regret it. I would be screwed financially if I canceled everything now.

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Hi, just wanted to say I completely relate to how you're feeling, I'm also just over a month away and can't wait for it to be over! I so wish we had eloped now but as you say so much money has been spent and I know a lot of family would be disappointed. I'm sure we will still have a great day but if I could plan it all again it would be very different. I hope you do enjoy your day x

View Quoted Comment Thanks Jenny, it’s only a few days away, and I’ll be so relieved when it’s over.

View Quoted Comment It ended up being more special than I thought. Still celebrating our special day internally.

We we just got some sneak peek photos from our photographer.

http://ambientsky.com/wedding-photography/skamania-lodge-wedding-jordi-jon/

Jordi

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Hi, Jordi! I'm late to this thread (I looked it up on google because we only announced our engagement to our families a couple of days ago and I'm already feeling like I want to take it all back!). But I just wanted to say that though I'm sorry you lost so much sleep and felt so nervous, it looks like all of the hard work you poured into those details really paid off - your photos are gorgeous. I love your unique, romantic wardrobe choices and the venue is simply stunning. The photos where it's just you and your husband are the best - you can really feel that special connection as you two get lost in each other. And that's what it's supposed to be all about in the end. Congratulations!

I am in the same boat and I am 17 months out. lol I am fine with vegas and my FH wants the big wedding. I have a very small family and he has a large wedding. Anytime I talk wedding talk to our parents they have to be negative or not seem to want to help. We have 250 guest and im just lost. like WHOSE paying for this. my FH isnt really helping me plan it and i tried talking to him about it and he said we can get a loan.... UH no im not okay with this. If its mainly your family than shouldnt your parents be paying for it! We have only booked the hall and also have the same option both ceremony and reception same place.

I am stressing already because who else is planning the wedding if i don't want to?? I am open to listen about how you feel because I am in the same boat!

View Quoted Comment Thank you Astrid. I hope you enjoyed the holidays. It looks like your announcement made it even more exciting for your families.


The wedding day itself ended up being really beautiful, and our photo album turned out amazing. Even with all the stress and feeling miserable, being with Jon was worth it. All our close friends and family came through for us too.
Just curious, what are your feelings behind wanting to take it all back? I know the stress brides feel is a little different for everyone.

View Quoted Comment Wow Chelsea! 250 guests. I totally feel for you. I had both the ceremony and reception at the same venue too. I really wanted a smaller wedding ceremony, and then invited the rest of our guests to the reception, so we had a unique timeline.


You’re right, I feel like the planning was the hardest. Are you planning on getting a day of coordinator? I bit the bullet and hired one, and she was a total life saver. I still had to plan everything, but she carried it out for me, so I could focus on just being a bride. There are some really good ones that do day of coordinating on the side for a few hundred dollars to a $1000 if you can find one. Most of the full time ones I looked into were ****.
As for not getting help, it took me having a complete meltdown for my then fiancée to realize that I really needed his support and participation. I hope you don’t have to go through that. Despite all the anxiety and depression I went through before the wedding, it was still really beautiful and special. After the wedding and looking back, I don’t regret it at all, especially after looking through our wedding album and printing our favorite photos.
I’m willing to lend an ear too if you’re overwhelmed. I can totally empathize.

View Quoted Comment I second this! Keep tour current venue, but down size to take some of the financial stress off your shoulders.
But if you decide to cancel the venue, they are usually only refundable first 10 -14 days.

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Hi, Cheezpoofs80! (and Chelsea - wow! 250 guests!!) I'm really fortunate in that my fiance' is very supportive and we're completely on the same page as to what we want - something elegant but very minimal, as we are both extremely private people who are allergic to being the center of attention. In addition to this, I also have a very low tolerance for nonsense and being asked questions (I've never been a girly girl who dreamed of being a bride so I have no desire to sit around talking about invitations and dresses). Hence why I wish I could take it back - my family immediately went hysterical and began telling everyone they knew. They mocked our wishes for a minimal affair and have been running around laughing at us, telling people that we are having a "very unconventional wedding so to be prepared." My mother took it upon herself to set the wedding date for next year "because there's not enough time this year" and has been allowing people to invite themselves. I've already had three other people try to influence me about the date - naturally, a date that's convenient for them (Yes, I've expressed my displeasure to my mother and told her politely to calm down but there's no guarantees with her). And this is only having told our parents - we haven't even told our friends yet. If my family continues this way, I'm ready to pull the plug and go to the courthouse. Peace!!!!

View Quoted Comment 😮😮😮😮 Oh my gosh, Astrid. Wow! Ok, I totally hear you. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Family pulled similar stuff on me within a month before the wedding, and I was pissed off. It’s so funny how family and other people make it about them. And people inviting themselves? Ooooooh noooo. Especially if it’s your budget. I sincerely hope people start respecting both of your wishes, or at least are willing to compromise. If it doesn’t improve, you guys have at least the “elope card” in your pocket if they continue to behave this way.

Do you guys have an idea how many guests you want? I think we totaled at 78 with a smaller ceremony/cocktail hour and then later in the day, a bigger reception for the rest of the guests.