i don’t want a big, fancy wedding

I don’t think you should have a wedding just to “please everyone”, but it seems like your FS wants a wedding so I do think a compromise between you two is important. Maybe you could keep the guest list on the smaller side or do a private ceremony and just a reception with your families.

Marriage is all about compromise, with wedding planning being the 1st one. If he wants a wedding and you don't, you two need to figure out a solution that works for both of you. If the planning is the issue, then maybe let him know he needs to do the bulk of the planning. If it's the attention, see if you can meet in the middle and maybe just have immediate family and close friends. Think about the specific aspects of a wedding that each of you like and dislike and focus on how you can plan it to maximize the likes and minimize minimize dislikes for both of you.

I wanted to just go to the courthouse and get married.

My husband wanted a wedding.

Now, he didn't care what kind of wedding - he was absolutely down to elope in Hawaii with no one present, get married in a park with just our parents, have a huge blowout at a ballroom, or anything in between. He just wanted a non-courthouse wedding. We ultimately had a small museum wedding, fewer than 20 guests, which made us both happy.

You two should sit down and each discuss what you are envisioning for the day. You might even write it down to make it easier to visualize. Then, see if you can work out a compromise from there.

Example:

His list says "ballroom wedding with 200 guests."
Yours says "courthouse with just us."

A compromise could be a small wedding with family only, or family and very closest friends. Size is a good place to start. See if you can agree on something in between what you both want.

Then you can consider style - weddings don't have to be elaborate. Your wedding can be as simple as a 15-minute ceremony in the park and a cake and punch reception or going out for a meal at a restaurant afterwards. You don't have to do all of the fuss like formal dances, tosses, and all that. If you don't like attention, then just don't do a huge party reception. Again, compromise is key here. He wants a big blowout, you want something simple, maybe a meal in a private room at a restaurant would be a good middle-ground.

You'll have to compromise throughout your marriage - might as well start now.

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This is great advice. Try to tune out the wants and opinions of everyone else (and even what you think a wedding *should* be) and just focus on communicating with your future spouse about your needs and listing to his needs. There will be abundant opportunity for compromise and customization to achieve a wedding you will both enjoy. Good luck!

Same boat here! I would've been happy to elope or go to the courthouse, but my fiancé wanted a large wedding as is customary in his family. The initial guest list was over 100 people. Wd compromised down to a smaller 65-person wedding, only including our closest family and friends, and *no one I havent met before.*


From there we've committed to certain choices so that the day doesn't feel overwhelming for me, and it feels like it's about just us. We'll be doing a private first look, walking down the aisle together with no wedding party, eating at a sweetheart table during the reception, etc.
I'm sure there is a version of the wedding that will make both you and your fiancé happy. Talk to him to see what that version looks like! Small ceremony and dinner at a restaurant with close friends and family? Eloping in a cool place then a casual backyard party later? Etc

View Quoted Comment This is exactly the advice I was going to give.
You need to figure out exactly what each of you wants and doesn’t want.
A lot of these ideas are great, you don’t have to have a massive ballroom wedding with 200 guests or a courthouse wedding, there is plenty in between!Due to COVID we ended up doing a 19 people wedding by the lake and it was amazing. Just close friends and family but still with that wedding feeling. Good luck!

I definitely echo everyone here who has said to work on a compromise. It would also be a good idea for you both to figure out and explain why you want the wedding you want. (Going to the courthouse in jeans and a shirt is still a wedding.) If what he's really looking for is being able to celebrate this big moment in his life with family and friends, maybe the two of you could do a small courthouse wedding or other elopement for you and then a few days/weeks/months later do a larger celebration of marriage for him? That larger celebration could easily be more of a general celebration vibe with less attention on you than a traditional wedding, but would still give him the opportunity to celebrate with everyone. Getting down to the "why" with things like this is really important, and even just having that conversation can help you both grow together and learn more about each other.

Something we found was a few venues in our area had something called a "pop up wedding". They include everything for a small intimate group of people. The decor, the cake, the officiant, the space, the music and more ads on if u so choose. For us it's costing a total of $1200 with the clean up fee and the outdoor ceremony but it started at $895. Maybe that would be a good compromise. A short, intimate, casual wedding. You wear a more casual wedding dress or a dress reminiscent of one and he wears what he wants. You may want to look into it so you both get a touch of what you want and are both happy.

Could you do something smaller and more lowkey with all your family? A local park, golf course, or garden? Dinner reception at a favorite restaurant?