How to tell the bride you're not paying for makeup

Well, you can lose tone and can't really express emotion over email -- she can read it and think you're just trying to be difficult.

In person, you can show that you're stressed, if she interrupts you, you can cut her off and explain that "I CANNOT AFFORD THIS." That's more powerful than reading an email, ya know?

Is this someone you are good friends with?

My daughter is having the opposite. Her MOH wants to get her hair done (she is a stylist) she wants to have someone come in. Bride can do her own hair she says. Then came the make up question. Bride says nope to that too.

If she's insisting you get it done then she should pay for it. I offered the option to everyone, I knew everyone but one of my sisters would say yes, but I couldn't put her in that predicament.

Simply tell her you can't afford it, explain to her your still recovering from your own wedding and incurring a lot of expenses for hers and it's just not do-able.

Here's what I actually think is infuriating, although it's somewhat off the topic.

People spend incredible amounts of time and energy coming up with "cute" and "unique" ways to ask people to be in the WP. Nobody ever says, "I want you to get a $300 dress, wear 5" heels, and be ready to spend another $800 for whatever I decide." I know it sounds cold, but it would enable potential WP to make a more informed decision.

OK, random rant over :-)

I've known her all my life. We referred to one another as "cousins" forever. Then, we had a HUGE falling out and didn't speak for like 6 years. We started hanging out again with our moms (who just happen to be BFFS, but who also partook in the falling out) somewhat recently. I think we did a girls night like 3 or 4 times over the course of a 6-month period and then she got engaged and asked me to be her MOH. ITS FREAKING WEIRD.

So, although I have known her I don't really know her. I hope that makes sense...

@Mrs S, I totally agree. When I asked my girls, I sent them each a personalized letter saying what their friendship meant to me, outlining my wedding expectations in writing (basically just that they attend the RD and wedding), and asked them to call me with their answer and to think about what they'd be comfortable spending on dress and shoes. I'm paying for their lodging and wedding day transportation, and hair/makeup services will absolutely be optional for my girls. All happily accepted and were glad that I put everything out there up front.

^^ another reason not to break the bank for this chic's wedding.

You could also do what my sister did and say "I'm really not comfortable with other people touching my face" lol

The story makes sense, why you would agree doesn't, but that's neither here nor there...

Really, all you can do is explain to her that you simply CANNOT afford these expenses. It is one day and your money is already prioritized for other things. Simple as that. Rinse and repeat to whatever she might have to say about it.

Still suggest doing it in person, though.

Also, do any of the other girls feel like this? Can you feel out for that, strengthen your argument?

And if you're the MOH, why plan a bachelorette party that's expensive?

I am an idiot. That's why I agreed. IDK...it was just so strange and unexpected. She was one of those brides who did the "cute" little thing (she sent me a book with a poem in it). I guess I never really thought I had the option to say "no" since our friendship and our moms' friendship were kinda on the mend. I didn't want to thrown a wrench in it all. In retrospect, I absolutely shouldn't have agreed. It would have saved me a lot of money and aggravation. Hindsight is always 20/20, eh?

I have never met one of the maids (she's a cousin though). Another one (another cousin) is EXTREMELY wealthy and a NY lawyer and a b*tch, to boot. Another one is a cousin who I met once while we were dress shopping. She might be someone who would agree, but honestly I don't know or trust her enough to ask. The other is her brother's girlfriend and is the kind of person who goes, "Well, it may be expensive, but I'm willing to pay it." GAG.

So no, I'm completely alone on this

The way I see it....people in the bridal party are still guests at your wedding. Although they help put things together...in the end they are still guests. Would you ask your guests to shell out hundreds of dollars? Nope. I budgeted the expenses for our bridal party into our wedding budget and I'm not forcing them to do anything.

I would tell her that you just can't afford it and you aren't going to put yourself in a bad financial situation. I don't think you should email, but it sounds like she may be a little intimidating in person...try calling her on the phone? Even ask if there's a certain makeup look she wants and practice it again and again (youtube tutorials are awesome if you don't know how to do a certain look), taking pictures to show her and prove you are capable of doing it yourself. Remind her that the day is about her and everyone will have eyes on her and that no one even know if you had your makeup done professionally or not!

Ha ha, I love rinse and repeat. In the PR world, it's called "stay on the message".

Keep on repeating until it sinks in. Don't forget there's also a tip on top of whatever she's asking.

LOL yeah, hindsight... well, what's done is done. And it sucks that everyone else... kinda sucks. ut I think that's also why it'd be better to speak to her in person, appeal to her sweetly (at least at first.)

Honestly, it sounds like if you were to email her, she'd just think you're trying to cause her problems and ruin her day and everyone else is fine with the cost... you can see where that's going, right?

Appeal to her sweetly in person, show her that you are stressed about money. Hell, in your shoes, you may be well served to say you can't handle the MOH duties and perhaps step down. Her rich cousin can pay for her bachelorette party and you can get "sick."

No, but really, if she made you MOH just because and you're not that close or thrilled about it, it's something to think about overall.

But still, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Be honest, put the ball in her court. Consider the possibility of her asking you to step down, too -- she sound like that.

I think the girls here have given you great advice. I gave the option to all my BM's so that is not relative to your situation. Just stick to your guns. Be prepared for her to try to call you out or embarrass you day of.

Thank you--you're really good at this whole advice thing At this point I think it's too late to step down...believe me, hubby has been lobbying for that for the last few months, but I'm trying to avoid drama or causing undue stress for others. Meanwhile, I'm stressing out myself. I'm just going to suck it up and get through it. Thanks again for your advice. I'm going to give her a call tonight and explain it to her.

This is why I'm pretty vocal on here about brides not expecting so much from bridesmaids. BMs are responsible for buying the dress, but that should be it. If the bride wants hair and makeup done professionally--if she's REQUIRING it--SHE should pay for it, not the BMs. If the bride leaves the choice up to the BMs, they can decide whether to pay for it or do it themselves.

Flat out tell her that you cannot afford it and if she demands that you do it, drop out of the wedding. If she cares more about your makeup and her pictures (but not enough to pay for it herself), she doesn't sound like a friend worth having.

But you shouldn't have to "suck it up" and get through it -- THAT'S going to show in pictures no matter who does your make up.

I don't think asking to be a BM rather than MOH is too much drama -- you hating this girl after, or her having pictures with you when you possibly won't be close afterwards is silly and wasteful and other adjectives.

Let's start with the conversation about the make up, though. See how that goes, feel her out, see how she reacts and then you'll be better able to go from there.

But if *SHE* kicks you out, you keep on her to pay you for the dress, you stay on THAT message, LOL. She sounds like one of those. Just sayin'.