How to tell the bride you're not paying for makeup

I was the Maid of Honor in my best friend's wedding and had to tell her I couldn't afford the makeup/hair. I had paid a lot for the pre-wedding stuff, and the dress, shoes, etc. I felt horrible, but I had to do what I had to do. When it came down to it, I did my own hair and paid for the makeup.

Deciding to be in the wedding isn't always a choice (I know this firsthand!) but you can't go outside your means to accommodate your bride. It's a sticky situation for sure, but just tell her the way you would want to be told by a BM.

Are you good at applying your own makeup? I see nothing wrong with doing your own if you're good at it.

If not, you have some time, and maybe you can look at youtube tutorials?

If she's insisting that you have it done professionally, you can certainly voice your concerns to her. Explain how much you've doled out so far, and that you're stretched to the max. Hopefully she'll understand.

Brides should be respectful of their BM's budgets, so I don't think you'll get any slack for that. But I'm not sure that this should be an email -- can you talk to her about it in person?

"Hey girl. The reality is that money is tight right now, so I really can't afford an extra $85 for make up on top of the dress, hair and everything else. I know how to do my own make up and I'll happily defer to what you want me to look like, but I'll be doing it myself."

BTW, you're being nice -- you could also probably do your own hair and nails, too...

I would just nicely say "Sorry I can't afford to get my make up professionally done. I am very comfortable with putting my make up on."

If she is a good friend she will understand and not get all evil bridezilla

edit: and seeing Reenski's response. I agree... I say ditto to not over email or text. please at least call if face to face doesn't work...

I don't see anything wrong with doing your own make-up or hair for even that matter. I let the girls choose whether they are doing either hair or make-up or both or if the artist is gonna do it. As long as it looks decent and it's done I don't care. Luckily BM's updo's are only $35 and make-up is like $20 for them or something. I already paid for their dresses as one of their "gifts"

Well I broached the subject over the weekend, indicating that things were getting expensive and she was like, "Well, it'll be really obvious if everyone else gets it done professionally and one person doesnt." Then she went on to say, "I thought it was really expensive when I was in another person's wedding, but now that I look back I'm glad it did it--it was so worth it." I just feel like she's only saying it was "worth it" because she wants us to all pay for it now. When she was in the other wedding she b*tched to me all the time about how expensive it all was.

It won't be worth it to me, I guarantee it. I paid for my bridesmaids to have their hair done for my wedding. I couldn't justify the cost for makeup--even for myself on my big day--so it wasn't done. I have never looked back at my photos and though "Gee, I wish we were wearing more makeup!"

I have been practicing putting it on, looking at tutorials and my coworker is giving me a book of techniques.

Brides like that annoy me. I have always taken my BM's budgets into account and have asked them if they are okay with how much everything costs. I told them all that hair and makeup is totally optional and most have chosen to only pay for hair.

Anyway, what Reenski said. Just tell her politely that you just can't afford it.

I say do a dry run, almost a trial on yourself, and then show your friend either in person or in photos. Then get her opinion.

Wow, I'm sorry!

I am paying for all my bridesmaids hair and they had the option to pay for pro make up (for 35) or do it on their own.

Honesty is the best policy: "I can't afford the professional make up, but I do feel that I can do a good job on my own."

@Melanie - Between books, youtube videos, pinterest, and just practicing in general there shouldn't be any reason why it wouldn't looks "decent" for you to do your own make-up. I do my own make-up all the time, I wouldn't mind doing my own make-up for my wedding but I wanted to be "pampered" that day so I'm having a pro do it. What I would do is do a few different looks and take pictures and show her the pics and see what she has to say. Or do you hair & make-up the day of before you even see her (if you all are meeting up) and tell her you went to a salon, I would do that.

It wouldn't matter even if you decided to go without makeup. It also doesn't matter if it's "obvious". I would be blunt. You simply don't have the $ to cover it, whether it's worth it or not.

If she wants to make sure everyone has makeup professionally done, she's welcome to foot the bill. But you're probably better off phrasing it the way Reenski did :-)

Tell her if she wants it done so bad she can pay for it then. Ugh.

Reiterate that it's getting expensive, end of story. I imagine you aren't the only one feeling this way. Tell her, "Look, if you'd like to pay for me to get my make up done professionally, great! Otherwise, I have to keep a roof over my head, gas in my tank and food in the fridge, AS WELL as being there for your bachelorette party and your wedding. I cannot afford the extra money for X or Y."

How far is the wedding?

Yeah that's ridiculous. Weddings get insanely expensive when you start adding in all this stuff. She cannot make you get your hair/make-up done (if she's not paying for it)- that's my opinion.

Just stress that you'll still be there getting ready, etc, and you can help with whatever else that morning while people are getting their make-up done.

I'm in a wedding in June and they're all getting their nails done/pedicures/etc the day before and I simply can't afford it (plus can't afford to take off work that early for it)- she should understand.

Thanks ladies! I knew I could count on you all This wedding is more stressful than my own was...

Reenski--the wedding is June 15th.

@Mrs S, LOL, in the end we'd end up saying the same thing. "Bish, you think I got money coming out of my butt?"

I have always been under the impression, that aside from the BM dresses, if the Brides insists on you getting something done, she is responsible for it. (i.e. shoes, hair, makeup...).

None of my girls got their makeup done, except my sister & my Mom. They all looked gorgeous. It shouldn't be a requirement for a BM to get her makeup done.

LMAO Reenski, briefly yes :-)))

I think it's insane that it's even a topic of conversation. I paid for pro hair and makeup for my ladies, but ONLY because it was an important part of bonding and all that, NOT because they wouldn't be "pretty enough" or wheatever.

I was stressing when my original pick for a dress was looking like it'd be over a $100 -- my MOH kept telling me it was fine, but I was like, "NOOOO!!!"

They ended up with dresses from Target and matching jewelry, all under $100 (kept the boys under $100, too.) All did their own hair, make up, nails, whatever, I didn't care. My MOH did my make up for my and my aunt and cousin/BM finished my hair.

I just really don't understand money things with weddings. My BIGGEST concern was getting our bridal party out as cheap as possible. You're right, Mrs. S, it's an insane topic to even come up.

Yeah, it's so infuriating. I know you guys think I'm copping out by writing the email, but I just feel like it's the best way to get my point across without being interrupted or sidetracked...honestly this whole thing is a headache.

I'm with you girls on this. I was stressed that the dresses for my BMs were $100. I gave them the most vague description of shoes and told them to find something as cheap as they could find, or at least that they'd want to wear again. I paid for their hair. I'm just so miffed that she just assumes everyone is cool with coughing up all this cash for her wedding. She literally wrote an email that said, "Okay, so hair is going to be $60 and makeup is going to be $85 each. I'll ask for a check later."