how to tell non r.s.v.p.'s they are no longer invited.

Honestly,

I would call them and say something along the lines of, I see you haven't RSVP yet and was just double checking for my records that you are not coming because I have to let vendors know a final head count.

I personally think it's rude to say well I invited you and now your uninvited. Granted not responding is rude but two wrongs don't make a right.

I wouldn't say "un-invited". That might cause you some unnecessary drama. Just something along the lines of "I didn't receive your response. I'm sorry you won't be able to make it..."

I am meeting the caterer this afternoon. every one on the guest list knows that! and i was able to get all but 14 of my 73 guest to accept or decline this week. there are still 15 non rsvp's i have been bothering them all week and still nothing. and i have seen them online so i know they got my email.

I would leave a message saying "We've had to turn in a final count to our caterer of who will be attending but we wanted you to know we are sorry to see that you are unable to attend our celebration as communicated to us by our not having received a response from you" or something along those lines.

Have you Called the 14 people or just sent electronic messages for them to read?

I think what @Soon2beMrs.K says is perfect. It avoids the 'un-invited' drama and let's them know (politely) that it's too late. I also think it would be nice to include what @HisMrs said about expressing your regret they can't make it, but still be clear they missed the deadline and now it's too late to rsvp.

I think calling is better ettiquete, but agree it can be a pain and time-conumsing so I think if you use that wording in an email it would be OK.

Good luck! I'm not looking forward to doing this either when the time comes.

I only have number for 5 or the 14. and the 5 yes i did call. and text. i even re mailed them rsvp cards in express mail with a sticky note that said " i though maybe your lost yours so here's a replacement."

Maybe something like 'I wanted to let you know we had to turn in our final guest count to our vendors today. Due to the amount of time necessary to complete the preparations, the vendors required we give them our final numbers by today. We are sorry that you won't be able to celebrate with us, but hope to see you after the wedding.'

I would adjust to what works for you.

How does this sound??

we have not receive your response. by either or our R.S.V.P. Dates. so, we are assuming you are unable to attend. we're sorry you won't be able to make it.

If you are e-mailing then I would explain WHY you are sending this.

We are sorry but today was the final day we had to let our vendor know a final head count. Since we have not heard from you, we had to go head and assume that you can not make it. We are sadden that we won't be able to celebrate with you but we look forward to seeing you soon.

Jaclyn and FH Name.

Any chance your parents have the numbers for the other 9?

I've read about 2 occasions here where the guest Did sent send back the rsvp on time (it was dated with a postmark) however it was delivered 3 months later. And 1 MOH rsvp "yes" and it Still hasn't been delivered. So, sometimes you want to give your guests the benefit of the doubt.

"We have tried to reach you on a number of occasions and have yet to hear back from you about our wedding. Our venue needed final head counts Today, March 22 and I currently have you down as a "no." I was just double checking that nothing got lost in the mail."

* Also talk to your venue about how long you have to tweak your head count. My head count was due 7 days before the wedding, however, I was able to change my Final FINAL numbers up to 3 days before the wedding. And ask the what protocol is for 2 non-rsvp'd guests showing up to the wedding. Many create a few extra dishes "just incase"

Cut and Paste what Soon2be wrote into your email. It is perfect.

... also not trying to stir anything up ... but isn't your wedding in your aunts backyard?

If you need to give your vendors a final head count can't you just order a little extra food in case those other 9 show up?

I mean not RSVPing isn't great but it's just a suggestion.

I don't get it, we send them RSVP cards with envelopes and stamps, is it too hard to just drop it in their mailbox. It is a difficult task to be calling them and trying to explain yourself why you need an answer, and some will think you are desperate, and some will think you are rude. Anyway I found this on the http://theclassywoman.blogspot.com/2010/06/reader-request-handling-tardy-rsvp.html

Follow-up Call- If a few of your guests still haven’t responded after a reminder e-mail and it is 10 days or less before your event, you have every right to follow-up and it is entirely appropriate. Let your would-be guests know you are calling so you can get an accurate head count. A great way of asking this is by saying, “We are having the place cards created (or the drink menu drafted) for the dinner this week and we are hoping that you are planning on attending." This is a subtle, positive message that will elicit a direct response. If you happen to get their voicemail-ask them to reply

Our final head count is due friday the 29th. and no one i have numbers to has they numbers either. the 9 rsvp's are 9 familys. not 9 individual's. if it was only individual's i could just add them to our count. but it's harder to add family's especially since i don't know exactly how many kid's are in ea house hold. and we are putting together goodie bag's to keep children entertained. and i hate to have a bunch of left over kid's bags for no show's children or even make extras and still not have enough.

You sent out duplicate invitations with a personal plea to respond attached, and you did so via express mail, and they still haven't responded? Wow. I'm sorry.

I don't know how much more you can do short of knocking on their front doors. I say this with as much kindness as I can; maybe it's time to let them go. You've put in a lot of effort here, and it's reasonable to assume they know what's going on.

If you want to send another note, that's completely up to you. Just remember to keep your wording as non-confrontational as possible. I'm sure your feelings are hurt and you are offended by their behavior, but this is still a joyful event in your life. Say something like, "We're sorry that you won't be attending our vow renewal ceremony and celebration, but we hope you'll be with us in spirit". Who knows? Maybe you'll get a few of the responses you've been waiting for.

Good luck, and have a great celebration.

It almost sounds like they don't know how to tell you no. There are many good ideas on here. I'm keeping them in mind when it's my turn to make those calls. If they haven't responded, chances are they won't show up. I'm more worried about the ones that respond yes and then are no shows.

I would send a mass email to ALL guests, cc'ing the no responses.

Dear Family and Friends,

We are so looking forward to sharing our special day with you. Thank you for responding on time. We have given our caterer our final head-count and can't wait to give you all a hug and see you dance on our wedding day!

Those of you who have missed the RSVP deadline, we're sorry that you won't be attending, but we will be sure to send you a photo and have you in our hearts!!!

Lots of love,

Jaclyn & "Thomas"

(You can also send this in the form of a letter to the non responses)

If we run into this issue (which I fear we may) I'm going to email or text and say "Since we have not received a response from you we are assuming you are giving up your seat and declining the invitation to our wedding on May 4th, 2013. We are so sorry you won't be able to make it to our day and look forward to seeing you soon!"

It might be a lie, but it gets the point across. At our wedding, there will only be enough seats and enough food for those that RSVPd. My DOC will be dealing with crashers if need be.