How to tell guests what is acceptable to wear to the wedding....

There is nothing wrong with dressing their best. It is wrong to dictate what their best is.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with dress your best. She just wants everyone to look their best. That doesn't make her snobby."

What makes her snobby is the repeated my "east coast" crowd nonsense versus his "Montana" crowd nonsense. Believe it or not, people have weddings in Montana every single day. They get dressed up, they party, they -- shocker -- even have country clubs and debutante balls. Just because she has such a low opinion about her future in-laws' sense of fashion, doesn't mean it applies to all the residents of Montana while her fancy "east coast" friends know how to dress.

A man wore jeans to my wedding.

Guess what, at the end of the night I was still married.

Also, way to generalize Montana. It's snobby. Stop.

OP, you wrote, "I want to make it very clear to guests what is acceptable to wear to our wedding." That's harsh and demanding -- "what's acceptable"? Uh-uh...no.

I get the east coast thing (born, bred, and raised), and in our family, a dress code hint isn't necessary. However, when in Rome, do as the Romans -- and in this case, that means, "Let those who are natives of Montana dress in their customary fancy clothing -- whether those clothes were found on hangers at Lord and Taylor, Talbots, Men's Wearhouse, TJ Maxx, Burlington Coat Factory, Marshall's, Sears, Target, Walmart, or a consignment store." What matters is the head that tops the outfit -- the brain inside of that head -- the face smiling at you -- the eyes locked on you as you walk the aisle-- the feet (wearing sneakers or three figure shoes) dancing in joy at your reception -- and the hands that wrapped your gift or wrote the check they put into a envelope after naming you as the payee.

You're getting lost, OP. You're focusing on what is unimportant. Every day, we read posts authored by ladies (and gentlemen) who lament the fact that somebody important to them -- male of female -- cannot attend their wedding because they've either become bedridden or passed away. Do you think it would matter to a single daughter/son if their hospitalized parent attended their wedding in a bathrobe while sitting in wheelchair? It wouldn't.

I'm old enough to have lost many beloved family members who were born in the 1920s, 1930s, and 1940s. To see any of those people again -- whether they were in rags or black tie formal wear -- would mean I'd broken through a barrier none of us can break through. All that would matter would be the faces, the voices, and the arms that would embrace me.

Get over it. How your guests dress at your wedding is not your business -- it isn't. If this thread attracts comments from those who tell you that you are justified in "...making it very clear to guests what is acceptable to wear to (y)our wedding", then you are being given advice that emanates from the wrong place. Sure, it's fun to dress up for weddings (I do), but sometimes, people aren't on that wavelength.

Ask yourself, if they show up in jeans instead of a suit from Sears, would you prefer that they were hidden in the back of the room? If so, why? Do you believe, erroneously, that the addition of guest denim is a sign that you didn't have an elegant wedding? What YOU wear is important, not what your guests wear.

The only thing you can do, if you're concerned with etiquette, is to add a photo of your venue to your wedding website. Your guests can figure it out from there. However, be aware -- if you are getting married in a barn that you believe is the foundation for your "rustic chic" wedding, you will get people from Montana attending in jeans, and that's not your business. If you're getting married in a marble/crystal chandelier banquet hall, chances are that your guests will rise to the occasion and at least wear career wear.

I went to a wedding this weekend where the bride said "I don't want anyone wearing khakis so I am putting semi formal on the invitation". I saw at least 2 people in jeans. You can't control what people wear. I saw all kinds outfits - from jeans to khakis to suits. We were somewhere in the middle

From one Kim to another -- Hey, Kim...do you know how many women on this site are already married? Besides that, you are violating the TOS by saying, "Why are you still here, swin you're already married [sic]. Bye." And on top of that, she said nothing wrong.

I'm flagging you for violating the TOS.

Spinning it like you're concerned for his family feeling awkward and out of place isn't working. You are worried they'll embarrass you in front of your family and friends. Be honest.

Besides, if they do feel out of place it will be the best way for them to learn that jeans might not be good for all occasions.

But seriously, let them come as they see fit. Don't try and change people to serve your needs or make you comfortable.

What Centerpiece said !!!

Well that's just it Kim, I'm such a bitch that I just hang out on here... trying to bring you down.

Also what was not nice about what I said? Please enlighten me...

*marrying the love of her life*

*obsessing over uncle Larry's choice of pants*

Samantha, are you having a true black tie event?!

I hate it when people don't wear occasion appropriate attire, either, Samantha. However, that's up to them. There is literally zero reason to add another stressor to the planning by mommy'ing adults. If you can't bear the thought that Uncle Larry (stealing from Maui) will wear jeans, don't invite him. Otherwise, get over the thought that it could happen. There will probably be people wearing jeans to my wedding. I'm not thrilled, but I also would prefer they be there no matter what. I've done what I can do to control the situation, and now it's out of my hands.

Also, are you actually hosting a black tie event? That is a very formal level that I'm quite certain most people don't really understand. Are gloved waiters handing out champagne to guests in gala wear?

The people who will dress out of place for a wedding are probably the people who won't pay attention to "visual aides" anyway. Just take a deep breath and accept some people might not dress how you find appropriate for a wedding. It will be ok! You can informally spread the word but don't expect it to work ha.

Samantha I'm pretty sure you don't know what a black tie wedding entails.

ETA: Hint- it has nothing to do with the price of your dress.

@Samantha - My dress is significantly more than that and my event is not black tie... Google is your friend.

Samantha. Does your reception have white glove service, live band, valet parking, passed apps? If any of that is missing, you're not having a black tie wedding.

What are you talking about Samantha? Putting black tie on your invitation literally means a type of service that you'll be providing. You'll be making your nearest and dearest go out and rent gowns and tuxes. If you're going to do that you better be providing a black tie experience.

No band? Then you're not having a black tie wedding.

You don't tell adults what to wear. I'm giving you an advice if you do tell them, you'll sound like a control freak.

The point I think they are trying to make Samantha is that it is rude to expect guests to dress black tie if the event isn't really up to black tie standards. Black tie events are insanely extravagant. Like raw bar with unlimited lobster tails, top shelf wildly expensive booze, could not be any more expensive plated multi course food, valet service, top to bottom/back to front flowers freaking everywhere, live entertainment (not DJ), etc. When guests spend $$$ on their attire alone for a black tie event, that's what they expect.

eta: black tie literally means a tuxedo for men and floor length gown (not dress, there is a difference) for women. A dark suit for men or cocktail dress for women is appropriate formal wear.