How to handle a recovering alcoholic with regards to the reception.

I think the best you can do is not host it. I'd normally NEVER advocate a cash bar but in your specific case perhaps it's for the best. Is finding a dry venue an option? It will be hard to stop drinkers in a place that serves alcohol from drinking, even if they have to pay for it themselves. What about having the wedding/reception earlier in the day when people are less likely to drink?

We're having it at 5pm. There isn't a bar there. I was just told that we COULD bring in our own if we wanted to. I just don't want to offend his family, I know they all drink.

I wouldn't explain it to anyone. I just wouldn't have it.

Alcohol isn't a necessity. If you'd prefer a dry wedding, you are within your rights to not have alcohol. His family may be disappointed, but if they're offended, they're in the wrong.

You're within your rights to have a dry wedding. While ultimately your FI needs to learn to handle temptation, if he doesn't feel up to it yet, a dry wedding may be your best bet. Just be aware that his family may well leave early.

I would simply not bring any alcohol and have it dry. If anyone in his family complains or says anything, simply just say that it was a request from FH and then leave it at that. If they are his family they should understand that he has had issues and respect his choice to not have alcohol there.

I personally would make it a dry wedding. If it is his family that drinks, they are hopefully aware of his situation and would completely understand the reasoning behind it. This day is about you and your FH and your happiness. Your happiness on that day is way more important than anyone else's

What does your FH think/prefer? Have you asked him?

Thank you to everyone for your insights. @Brittany, we haven't talked about it. It's kind of the white elephant in the room.

Lisa, I just say don't have it and at some point you need to support your FH and speak about the things that you really don't wish to just because this will come up over and over again and if it's a matter of temptations than you are going to be keeping yourselves away from a lot of things.

Good Luck and Happy Planning

I would talk with your FH and see what he needs. Ultimately, the two of you need to be able to communicate about everything - even things that make you uncomfortable. There's not enough space in a marriage for elephants in the room. FH may also want to talk with his sponsor and get advice.

He is very early in his recovery, so the pressure of being around alcohol, not to mention the pressure of a large family wedding, may be too much for him. You may want to see if you can change plans so you can have a daytime dry wedding, even if it means postponing or simplifying the wedding.

I am just going to put this out there...I am an alcoholic. 4 years sober now, so is my FH. We are having alcohol at our reception becuase both of our families drink. But at 5 months sober that can be risky. Has he talked to his sponsor or network about this? Have y'all talked about it or are you just making this decision without him? You can inbox me if you want to chat.

U could have it dry like everyone says. U can let them know if they want to drink please do so before they even come to the wedding. They should all understand that its the best thing to do. Coming from a family of drinkers(i dont drink). They will always find a way to drink. They probably take it outside to get a swag from time to time. As long as they dont bring it inside and around your fh i wouldnt care. Not everybody gonna listen when u say no drinking. Especially for a long period of time.

I would suggest a few things - definitely don't tell people to BYOB - if you and FH want a dry wedding - then have a dry wedding.

Have you thought about fun alternatives? Like a bunch of different drinks (punches, juices, teas) - mocktails - create your own drink (juices/sodas/fruit)?

@Shannon S. & Tricia, He quit on his own. No AA, no sponsor, just quit. The restaurant does not have a bar nor do they serve alcohol. But they do allow party's to BYOB. I think that I'm going to keep that information to myself and keep it a "dry" wedding as ppl have suggested. We've been together for over 8 yrs. We do talk about everything. I haven't brought this up for the simple reason of time. He works 7 days a week, up at 4 am and gets home around 6-7 pm. We honestly haven't talked much at all about any of the wedding plans. He's more like, you do this however you want and I'll just show up whatever time you tell me! LOL

I think you need to talk to FH about it. He may have a feeling one way or the other, and the elephant in the room should be easier for the two of you to discuss than all of your wedding guests. You should have a united front on what you want to do and what you want to tell people. My dad is a recovering alcoholic (sober 20+ years now) and he likes for the information to be out in the open around family. But everyone's different.

It's common knowledge but no one has ever really spoken of it. His father was an alcoholic, he passed about 2 years ago. FH had stopped drinking once for over six months until his father handed him a beer. So without peer pressure I'm sure he'll be just fine. I just don't want to rock the boat. I want people to have fun at our wedding, it's been such a long time coming (we met 22 years ago) but I don't want to tempt fate and I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

I'm also clueless about what to do when it comes to the toast?! Any ideas?

Do what your FH wants to do - this is his call. don't call it an elephant in the room if you haven't even talked about it. your'e going to marry this man and you need to be on the same page - what we say here doesn't matter.

my FH doesn't drink and we toasted with sparkling cider.

If the restaurant doesn't have a bar for a cash bar, which I still think could tempt your FH, I'd just have a dry wedding and be done with it. I think most people that will be there will know enough to understand why. For the toast, have sparkling cider or grape juice.