HOw to deal with a difficult maid of honor

Too bad there isn't a "dislike" button for Glennda's post. If you value your friendship, I suggest you DO NOT handle it that way. I'm with Masquerade on this one. This is your wedding, which means it's your wedding to plan. I think you have the right to be miffed about her not buying her dress yet, but that's all. A BM is not your wedding planner/ decorator slave.

@Masquerade WOW! I would kill for tow years to plan! My FH's grandmother is in poor health and he wants her to be at the wedding so we rushed the date, though we have been together for 6 years...bought time in her own words..lol! Im glad that you were able to enjoy it and I feel that once I can get this all sorted out Ill be able to enjoy it more than I am now. I have told her that I need her help thats were the frustration also stems from. I know it comes off as a bridezilla kinda factor but I got engaged 2 days before Thanksgiving. THis has been escalating since then. I have family and friends that tell me one thing and my heart telling me to stick it out keep giving her another chance. But how many chances does one get before their chances run out?

Well I'm not married yet so I'm still enjoying it lol.

Everyone wishes they had more time, but you will have had a year by the time you get married, that's still good

As a side note, my brother & SIL got married 3 months after engagement, she seemed to pull things together just fine. She did have a little help, tho not much. The point is, it can be done. Just take a breather, sit down with your MOH & tell her what you really need from her, & if she cant do it, then make a choice.

There's a lot that I could say, but I'm just going to stick with asking if you would really consider asking your best friend not to even attend your wedding because she didn't help with your DIY? If you value your friendship, I think you would really regret that decision.

I laugh at the fact everyone gets stuck on just the DIY! So let me ask a better question would you ask a BM/MOH to attend if they were not supportive at all? Matter of fact didn't even seem to care? Would you invite someone to your wedding that didn't make time for you?

Well, I focused on the DIY because that was the main thing you mentioned in your post. If that is not the issue, and instead it's that you feel that she isn't being a friend to you in any regard, that's a separate issue from your wedding, and you should talk to her about it.

I think she's probably avoiding you because she knows it's just going to be more about the wedding. I think you're expecting too much & she may not have wanted to be MOH had she known. You have 2 options : wait until she offers to help & take her up on it, whether she does or not just be happy to have her by your side, or give her an out & hope it doesn't ruin your friendship. As for whether you should ask her to not come at all...Yes you are wrong & if you loved her enough to be your MOH you will deeply regret it.

I think at this point you need to ask yourself if you want to break-up your friendship, and if one day is worth doing so... because it sounds like that's where you are heading.

Is she worth it to you anymore?

You are asking her to come when you want, to do what you want for your wedding and because she is not jumping up and down to do it you call her unsupportive. It is YOUR wedding YOUR diy, etc etc not hers.

I wouldn't want one that isn't supportive mentally and physically. There can only be a few reasons why the are not helping and it is 1. They aren't truly wanting to help make the day come true, 2. They are given too much to do, 3. Selflessness is not their strong point, 4. They are busy with other things, 5. the bride is too much, and there may be way more.

We can judge ourselves and see if we went too far, if not... Then they may not really enjoy helping.

I have to agree, there are etiquette for bms and moh, there may not be official responsibilities but the folks should have the common sense to understand they should try to help. Otherwise why get flower girls and ring bearers, why get ushers? The flower girl has a responsibility to toss the petals around, the usher has a responsibility to instruct guests on where to sit.

@MissB if it was her big day we were planning and she were to tell me...hey if you can make it can you be here in two weeks...I would say sure. Like we have done with her. I don't expect bells and whistles. But isn't asking her to be at my wedding on 10/20/13 kinda the same thing? Im mean its MY day, MY wedding ect, ect ect.

@Alteray Im dealing with the judging oneself now. Being the control freak that I am its hard to ask for help to begin with. FH had to sternly tell me to ask for help, from everyone, not just MOH in question, mom, FMIL, other bridesmaids and aunts that live here and are willing to help. So when I reached out and asked I got shut down...twice. Then my mom reached out as well and she got shut down. Maybe I am being too demanding by just asking for the help to begin with. Maybe I should just ask her to show up and look pretty.

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,

One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

Day of stuff is a little different... I don't think anyone is arguing that a BM role is to walk down the aisle and stand up with the bride.

I *think* everyone can agree that for them to buy a dress and show up to the wedding on time is expected.

Anything else is great, parties, planning, DIY, but it shouldn't be expected...

Though I can understand being sad or disappointed, one day isn't worth ruining a friendship, nor can everybody rearrange their lives for one day.

And you have to understand that is is of course going to be more important to you than it is her... it's your wedding! Maybe you should cut some of the wedding talk out for awhile when you're around her... and focus on working on your friendship.

I can see how you were hurt by her making comments about not liking the dress & wedding planning can be stressful. Why don't you try to reconnect with her doing something non-wedding related. It may help you both to feel better.

@DlovesD and RomaT I totally get it! We have. Her bday party was a few weeks back... probably not a good time to try but hey ill take what I can get. She was the only one I knew, the rest were her friends from Derby. Everything started off great... didn't mention A THING about the wedding...3 hours later I spent the rest of the time hanging out with her boyfriend talking about her while she hung out with everyone else. Any other time I try to get her to hang out she is too busy or im horrible because I cant take weekends off because of my work schedule. She makes me feel guilty for not making time for her, but she cant do the same for me.

@out of the window...I know that was intended differently but that is freanking hysterical!!!

I am trying to make light of things because nothing should be taken too seriously. I understand how you may feel she's neglecting you, but you asked her to be your MOH for a reason. Probably because the two of you have been together through thick and thin. Take a step back. Put the wedding in the back seat for a second (or two) and make some girl time. We brides do tend to talk about nothing, but our weddings. I know personally that it takes extra effort to specifically NOT mention it at all to anyone for a full day. That's exhausting.

Idk. I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Your wedding is six months away. Unless you are the one getting married its hard to be excited about something that far away. Hell I just started getting excited about my own wedding and I have three weeks until the big day. Give her some time and remember there is a reason she's your best friend.

@Out the window No i get everything that everyone is saying. Im not throwing a tantrum nor am I a child throwing my foot down! Taking time for each other has gone past the wedding and into just spending time with each other. She's to busy for even that. When we talk I make it a point not to bring up the wedding...as you mentioned very hard to do.