How to best support a guest in recovery?

Definitely option #2. Invite him and he can determine between himself, his sponsor and counselor whether or not he should attend and make a plan if he does. You tip-toeing around it won’t help him long term. He very well may not be ready to attend a wedding. Or he could be at the point of slowly returning to “normalcy” while sober. Unless he asks anything specific of you, treat him as you would any other guest.

#2. He will decide if attending a wedding is something he can do in this part of his recovery.

#2 is really the only option. He needs to sort his attendance (and consumption choices) himself. The best thing that you can do for him is simply be understanding that he may : be slow to rsvp if he’s on the fence, change his rsvp last minute if he decides day of he’s not ready , or leave early if he gets there and realizes it’s a bad situation for him. Being understanding about any of that is really the best you can do.

Definitely #2 - and even if you aren't generally giving plus 1s, maybe you can give him one for his sponsor? Or make it clear that they would be welcome?

#2. This is going to come up a lot in his life, and he will have to handle events as they come. He may decide not to go to yours but feel like he can go to one six months down the road, it all can vary. Just accept that the choice he makes is best for him.

If he falls off the wagon - that's also not your responsibility in any way.

#2, one way I have seen it go smoothly is someone who came just for the ceremony and left before reception/cocktail hour. They said congratulations, they got to see the most important part, and the couple was able to express how much it meant and the person was able to steer clear of triggers for their addiction. His recovery sponsor will help him make the best decision for him.

As everyone else said, #2. He is in recovery and if he went through any kind of rehabilitation, he should have a few tools that he can use, such as a sponsor, a counselor, and others that he may have met at rehab or during therapy that he can talk this through. The one exception I would make that might be different for him than other guests...if he wants to bring a sober buddy who will help keep him on the right track, let him and just account for it as a guest because they will help steer him in the right direction.

I'll echo everyone else with #2, and agree with Becky that allowing a plus one for him would be a good idea so he at least has the option of bringing a support person if he decides to come. I'm a leader with the Celebrate Recovery ministry in my area and I've seen a few people be in the situation where they weren't invited to an event because alcohol would be available and the hosts didn't want that to be an issue. In most of those cases, the lack of invite actually was the catalyst for the person to turn back to drinking. One person was upset because she felt like she was being treated like a child instead of the grown adult she is. Another said that if he wasn't going to be invited to events because there was alcohol there then he might as well drink so that he can actually join in on those big life occasions instead of being left out.

It's a tough situation, and I really appreciate the heart you have for helping him to stay on track with his recovery. The best thing you can do is to treat him just like any other friend, but just be aware that he may not be able to stay the whole time if he does decide to come. And if he does relapse, as hard as it may be to reconcile this for yourself, a relapse is in no way your fault.

View Quoted Comment

I second this...allowing him to bring his sponsor or someone else to help him hold himself accountable is a healthy and caring compromise. But yes, allow him to make his own decision and support him if he decides not to come/leave early

Include him let him have a plus one

Definitely #2.

Not inviting him would be very hurtful. He is trying to recover so that he can be present and part of people's lives. If he is being intentionally excluded when invitations to major life events go out, why even bother straightening up? Might as well just stay an alcoholic if you're going to be excluded regardless.

He may decline anyway, but let him make that decision.

Definitely #2 hands down. Any other option treats him like a child. Invite him, make it clear what the atmosphere will be like, and be sure there are some non-alcoholic options available (a mocktail would likely be appreciated by any of your guests who might be trying to limit alcohol for any number of reasons, be it pregnancy, medications, etc). It is not your responsibility to be his keeper, but rather to ensure that it is possible to enjoy your event while sober. He may decide to come, he may not.