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Alexandra
Devoted April 2021

How to ask for money

Alexandra, on April 10, 2020 at 5:31 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 49
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Hi guys! Long story here, sorry!


So I’m set to get married on September 17 in New Jersey. We picked a rather affordable wedding venue, and my fiancé and I have been paying for things ourself. We also are trying to close on a house, the offer has been accepted and we are trying to close for June 1st. The mortgage guy said not to put anything big down or pay it off. We have our photographer payment due, which is around 800.
My fiancé’s parents around 2,500 for the DJ and about 100 dollars for the centerpieces. My dad has contributed nothing. I don’t know how to ask him if he can help me out. Does anyone have advice or in a situation like this?
Thanks!

49 Comments

  • Erin
    VIP April 2022
    Erin ·
    • Flag

    Are you close with your dad? If you are, I would just approach him and ask him straight-forwardly, but also understand that it's his choice if he gives you guys money for the wedding or not. He can say no, and if that happens it's best to understand that and not let it get between your relationship with him.

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  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    Did you guys ask your fiance's parents or did they offer? if you asked the fiance's parents then you could have the same convo with your parents

    • Reply
  • Alexandra
    Devoted April 2021
    Alexandra ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    They offered. Which was nice. My dad doesn’t really understand the big weddings and what goes into and expenses.
    • Reply
  • Alexandra
    Devoted April 2021
    Alexandra ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I am close with my dad, but not as close since my mom past away. That is a good point and I appreciate the input!
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Devoted October 2020
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    "Dad as you know we are in the midst of planning our wedding. Before we have everything locked down, we wanted to know if you wanted to contribute anything at this time?"
    Or, ask him for a small loan.
    If you are concerned with what it looks like on paper because of the pending mortgage, take out cash here and there and use that to pay back either set of parents. I'm of course assuming that you are short $800 from the numbers you gave.
    • Reply
  • Alexandra
    Devoted April 2021
    Alexandra ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Yeah that’s true! His parents don’t want any money back so that’s a big help. It’s just hard because my dad doesn’t understand the prices of the wedding. But I appreciate your input!
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn Online ·
    • Flag
    If he wanted to help you, he would offer. You shouldn’t ask.
    • Reply
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I agree. It is rude to ask someone to else to pay for your wedding.

    • Reply
  • Katharine
    Expert July 2021
    Katharine ·
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    I don't think it's rude to ask your parents if are willing/able to contribute. What would be rude is to insist that they contribute if they said no, or to cause a scene about it.

    That being said we haven't asked either of our families for help. My mom volunteered to help with the cake since that is what she can afford to do. I wouldn't dream of asking my dad to contribute because I know he can't afford to. FH's could absolutely afford to but haven't offered, and since we have stuck to a budget we could afford on our own, we haven't approached them for help.

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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    If they were willing/able to contribute, they would offer to on their own which is why I did it rube to ask if they haven't volunteered.

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  • M
    Super January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    Sounds like your dad hasn't offered to help pay. My advice is not to risk damaging your relationship with him by asking, especially when it seems like you only need money because of the mortgage situation. See what you can do to cut back on wedding expenses to make more room in your budget. There are probably some things you don't really need that you can forgo.

    • Reply
  • Sara
    Expert February 2020
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    I also think it's rude to ask anyone to contribute funds to your wedding..which is essentially an unnecessary party that you are choosing to have. I had one too..so I'm not anti wedding..but we also turned down offers to help with the cost and only took help that was forced upon us. It was our decision to have a wedding..and as adults, it was our responsibility to pay for it.


    Your dad doesn't need to understand the prices of the wedding. It's not his to pay for. It's great that you had others offer to contribute..but your dad is under no obligation to do the same.
    • Reply
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
    • Flag
    Are you asking for a loan from him and will pay him back after you close on your house or are you just asking for money?
    • Reply
  • Lena
    Devoted May 2021
    Lena ·
    • Flag
    When they says no big purchases before you close they mean a loan, a new credit line, car, co-sign for someone else, or a huge credit card purchase. $800 is not a lot to a bank and won’t really make a difference especially if you guys are paying cash. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • M
    Beginner October 2021
    Mickie ·
    • Flag

    I completely understand this problem. I have spoken to both my parents about whether they intend to help pay anything and think that it is only right to ask my FIL's but I am scared to ruin the relationship. However, I don't think it's rude to ask your dad to help pay, while he doesn't know how much weddings cost (mine too) he does know that in theory he's suppose to help you pay for it.

    • Reply
  • De'Ja
    Just Said Yes June 2021
    De'Ja ·
    • Flag
    I dont get why some people are saying that if she asks she could strain the relationship or that she is being rude. It's her dad lol. I'm sure he wont treat her different for asking a yes/ no question.
    Anyway, I would just say, "Hey, with the wedding being soon and us buying our first house, money is a little tight. Is it possible for you to help me pay a vendor? If not, it's totally fine, I dont want to put you out".
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    If he is willing to pay, he would have offered. You should not ask. And the mortgage person is giving usual advice, meaning don't suddenly do something that makes your credit rating wobble. Paying a one time $800 is not a problem. Signing to buy furniture and pay $400 a month for 18 months to pay it off, would be bad for a mortgage. A pattern of poor spending choices over time is what needs to be avoided. So if you have it, pay it. If not, cut your budget another place. But asking for money from someone who has not offered is not nice, or right
    • Reply
  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
    • Flag

    You don't ask. He'll offer IF he wants to.

    You're planning a wedding for a few months from now AND buying a house. Didn't you consider you'd be responsible for all of this yourselves? Looks like you're going to have to scale back somewhere for wedding expenses.

    • Reply
  • Kerin
    Rockstar February 2021
    Kerin ·
    • Flag
    I'm not sure what your story is with your father, but I would say just to be blunt. I have a severely strained relationship with my own, so I do understand how uncomfortable that might be, so maybe ask him to consider taking care of 1 or 2 specific items with a moderate price tag. If you don't ask for money, but instead ask for help on specific things, it may come out a little easier for you.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari Online ·
    • Flag

    I don't think it's appropriate to ask people to help fund your wedding, and you should only plan what you can afford. Planning a wedding that exceeds your budget and then hoping others pick up the tab (whether contributions from parents or using wedding gifts to pay off the balance of what you owe) is a bad idea. It's also a bad idea to take on debt to host a wedding.

    I think you need to figure out what you can afford and prioritize what is important to you. If others offer some financial help and that allows you to expand your budget that is fine, but you should not ask people to pitch in. It is only appropriate to ask for funds if your parents are requesting something specific that is different than what you would have chosen and they want to cover the cost/difference. For example, if you want to have a small, intimate wedding but your dad wants you to invite extended family, then it would be appropriate to have a discussion about the added cost of a larger venue, expanded meal and bartending service, etc for those extra guests and ask him to cover that expense.

    If you have other big expenses that are taking priority (like buying a house) it may be better just to push the wedding to a different date (if that is an option) so you are not taking on so many expensive things at once.

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