How to ask for money

It depends on the family. You’re not gonna be able to base your decision on strangers opinions who are basing their opinions on what they believe to be true because they are speaking on their own culture and family in life. It can be a completely different dynamic than how your family runs.A person can’t know what you need if you ask. You might be able to help you with only a part of it or he may be able to help with a lot. It’s really about communication. It’s your father not a stranger. I don’t understand why people make general statement when people grow up in different cultured households. You know your family, you know your dad make your decision

You need to approach it as a loan from your dad and explain to him why you are asking him for the loan. Assure him you will relay it and make sure you can repay him before asking. If he agrees to contribute and insists you do not need to repay him, that’s great. But you need to make sure you can repay him. Otherwise, and in case he says no, you need to figure out how to downsize some.

I wouldn't ask unless it's something small. My fiance's parents have contributed more than my parents but that's because they have more to give. I would never want to make my parents feel bad for not being able to contribute. I'd only ask if you know he definitely has the money and you all are close , but usually parents offer so maybe he doesn't have it or maybe he's waiting to give it to you as a gift. Sometimes parents can give money AFTER the wedding simply because you need money to survive and live off after the wedding.

View Quoted Comment I agree. May not have been good to do both at the same time without weighing the costs..

Don't ask people for money. Have the wedding you can afford.

We recently went through the mortgage process, I’d double check with your lender. Small expenses (<$1000) often can be acceptable. It may be listed as a condition, but that’s fine. Typically you can lose your loan if you take on new lines of credit, change your debt to income ratios etc.

For everyone suggesting OP have the wedding she can afford, she never said she couldn't afford it. She's buying a house, and from the time an offer goes in until closing, they suggest not opening credit cards, not making major purchases, not having anything that would show up in a bank account or on a credit report.

That said, I agree with Ellen. OP, you should ask your mortgage agent if a one time $800 payment would affect your standing. I don't think that it would, so you may be ok to pay it off on your own.

I agree. Its not rude to ask your parents as long as there is some kind of relationship there. Its not like asking a random person or family outside of her immediate family. My mom has offered to pay for alot, my dad has offered to pay for the food & ended up covering the extra cost because our guestcount went up. I never asked them for help at all and was willing to cover the extra expenses myself. I didn’t tell my dad about the guestcount issue but someone in my family told him. One thing FH and I never did was ask HIS parents for help. The contributed nothing at first but felt like they weren’t doing anything to contribute so they ended up giving us some money. Unfortunately some drama happened before we knew we were postponing and we gave the money back. Now that we postponed We definitely will not be asking for help again unless they offer it.


Hey OP. we dont know your dad and ur relationship w ur dad. Will he be offended that you asked? I would hope not. A lot of pp offered ways how to word it. The worst he can say is that he cant afford to help but at least you asked, he wont know you need help until you tell him.

Agree with PP who say not to ask. Monetary contributions are gifts to be offered, not asked for.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable I would forego asking. However if you're open to the possibility of him saying yay or nay, then go for it!

To the people saying it would be rude, that's their assertion or opinion.

I think it's more a matter of how you handle the situation and the communication between you and your dad.

View Quoted Comment Yes Best answer

Maybe one thing struck others as it did me. OP saying she had not seen much/ been close to her father since her mother died. So now they have decided to get a house and get married within months. Instead of spreading things out so they can afford them. So now, having not seen dad much / been close since her mom died, according to OP, when they want money they come around asking? When they could have looked at costs, and planned better? Since she did not say otherwise, we have to assume his is now a single income household. Something financially far different than dual income before, less income, with housing and utilities and home taxes just as high. No second check if he is ill, loses a job, or get stuck with this economic slump. Maybe Dad does know exactly what weddings cost. He knows weddings are only as expensive as the plans the couple makes. $100 or $50 K, their choice to fit their budget.
And assumes the two of them have enough to sense to plan a wedding and buy a house, they can afford, and they have more available than he does. So why should he offer to pay? If they don't have enough, they will scale back their plans, or put off the wedding til the cannot afford. It.

My fiancé’s parents and my parents aren’t contributing at all. So you should feel very blessed that someone is contributing. Because a lot of people don’t have that. My opinion is to not ask and just wait until a family member offers.

I personally have way too much pride. 😩 I can’t ask my family because they always say “no”. Im so used to doing things on my own. However, if you feel confident and comfortable on asking family, I definitely saying go for it. He may do it!

View Quoted Comment

Doesn't matter who gives her the money for the photographer. It sounds like she/FH signed the contract, therefore, even if dear ol' dad gives her the $800, it's going to show on HER financial info when the bank accesses it.

If the "mortgage guy" didn't tell them ahead of time about this, he didn't do his job. Regardless, it's their party, they pay for one they can afford.

View Quoted Comment

Why would it show on her record? All dear ol' dad has to do is write the check to the photographer. It's cashed from his account. It would have nothing to do with her as far as the bank and mortgage people are concerned.

And how do you know she doesn't have every intention of paying her dad back? Again, she never said she couldn't afford it, just that until closing, she can't have large payments going out from her account.

View Quoted Comment Even if the father paid her, and she paid the vendor, all the mortgage lender needs is a path showing the trail of money: bank statement from her father showing the check clearing, her bank statement showing the check being deposited then clearing to the wedding vendor. A lot of the final steps before clear to close just require extensive documentation, and many close with multiple conditions.

View Quoted Comment But if dad pays the photographer directly with his own money it wouldn’t.

View Quoted Comment Yup! Just was clarifying for the PP!

The bank will have asked to see ALL accounts she currently owes as of the date of the mortgage application which would include the photographer. When they check her financials again, they will see it's been paid. They will assume she paid it.