How observant/judgmental are you as a guest compared to a bride?

I definitely focus on guest experience. I also do personally care about flowers so I definitely look at that but more in appreciation when they’re beautiful than judgement when there aren’t many. I think good food, open bar, good vibes.

I’ve been to a number of weddings and my favorite aspect is the bride coming down the aisle, the recessional, dinner, and the first dance when all the guests are invited to dance; it’s usually “September “ by EW+F. I love that song. I applaud those who are giving a toast and know how do just that; stand up and toast the couple. No speech! We all know who the couple is! Its supposed to be a toast.

What absolutely kills a wedding is lateness (start of ceremony and/or arrival of bridal party to reception), too many speeches or even just one long winded, cringe worthy, inappropriate speech, and a crappy DJ or DIY music. DIY music is fine if it’s only background music and no dancing. If you want guests to enjoy dancing, hire a professional.

I have been to at least 25+ weddings and have had very little interaction with bride/groom at any wedding other then the usual moment the couple comes around to each table to thank guests for coming. As a guest what stands out the most to me is the setting/venue, procession, first dance, a couple of toasts, cocktail hour, and dessert.

I pay less attention to decor than to personalization, and guest comfort.

If the food is bad, or inadequate, I'll notice that! But can I remember what the colors of the wedding were?

Not remotely.

If the wedding felt generic, I'll forget the whole thing, because I go to celebrate a particular couple. (I understand religious ceremonies may be more rigid, but the details and then the reception can be very personalized.)

Honestly, the things I get "judgy" about are really about if I think the couple should even be getting married, and the food. I may not be into what the couple does for a wedding, but... it's not my wedding. I DO have to eat the food, though.

I would only be judgy if it were something that made people uncomfortable and it was avoidable. And even then, it would have to be big.
No water for for guests at an outside wedding, or not enough seating, that sort of thing.
Cash bars - I would not want one for myself and think it’s rude to make people open wallets at a party I’m throwing, but I also understand that this varies by social circle so I won’t judge them.

I tend to notice the food and music more so than the flowers. That being said, while all of these things make the experience better or worse, I don't really judge those since they are sometimes limited by a couple's abilities. Ironically, might be a personal value, but we judge weddings that have a ton of food waste. People were over fed so much that half of the food was left uneaten.

Don't really judge those if they are underwhelming* since they are sometimes limited by a couple's abilities.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I go to a wedding to celebrate the couple. I love the ceremony, and then I usually like the toasts (pending they are actually toasts--at 1 wedding I went to, groom's father rambled on for a solid 15 minutes about genealogy and....people got real bored, but I love the short, heartfelt toasts from the bride and groom's nearest and dearest). And then the food, music, and alcohol (although I wouldn't care so much if it was a dry wedding--less excited by a cash bar). What the centerpieces look like or the the colors chosen are not something that really catches my eye. I may note how pretty something is but it isn't something that's going to stick with me. If I had fun celebrating the couple's love is what sticks.

I tend to pay attention to small details in the moment however rarely remember them unless they left a major impression on me whether it be really great or really horrible. Of the weddings I've gone to I remember really special moments, cringe worthy speeches, amazing food. Basically anything that stands out for any reason. I don't expect people to remember the details of our wedding, especially since I am adding the details for ourselves to remember.

I pay attention to personal details. Flowers aren't too important in my opinion, and don't affect me as a guest. I like personal vows during the ceremony, compared to the traditional religious ceremony, because I find traditional ones to be quite boring. If that's what you like, then fine, but it's not my cup of tea! For the ceremony, if it's outside and in the summer, for the love of all that is holy...provide fans or something so that guests are somewhat comfortable! Same with the winter, if it's outside, provide blankets or those nice portable heaters. To me, guest comfort is so important!

I pay close attention to the food and music. If the food isn't great, then that's not good, as well as the DJ/music. I've been to weddings where the DJ wasn't involved with the guests and just sat in a corner not saying anything. No surprise that there were hardly any people on the dance floor. I also remember if toasts were long/cringe worthy.

I don't notice or care about details at all. If the music is decent (if you're having musics/dancing), the food is decent and there's enough, the toasts are short, and the event moves at a good pace - then it's a great wedding no matter if there's finger sandwiches or white glove service.

Hmmm i guess i haven't really thought of this.

but looking back at all the most recent weddings i have been to there were a few things i was peeved by LOL but generally i honestly don't look at stuff like decor, what they have and don't have, etc. so the things i was peeved by were just out of my preference/logistical things

1. one wedding was outdoors in dirt so thank god i wore boots, otherwise if i was in something else that would have kicked up so much dirt

2. another wedding had like a 3-4 hour gap between ceremony and reception

3. another wedding wasn't set up in time to let guests in so we were all just waiting outside in a super small crowded area

4. my bff's wedding i think was the only one i kind of judged for food =x but that's because her food was BAD like really noticeably bad. she already knew that though at the tasting and said so but i guess i didn't really know it would actuallyyyy be that way

I pay attention to the personalization. I've worked a lot of weddings, so I like it when the couples do something that really shows their shared interests.

One couple I worked with met at a zoo, one of them worked for a zoo (they married out of state because all their family lived in the state I worked in), got engaged at the other zoo in town and got married at our zoo.

The thing I'll judge for is when they skimp on guest experience to enhance things for themselves. I had a couple that did full cash bar and paid for the cheapest food possible. They had some alcohol in the bridal suite that they and the wedding party went back for, but everyone else was stuck with cash. What made me judgey was the bride had a designer dress that she told me she paid $2k for, they hired one of the high end photographers in town, and they also hired a videographer.

To top that whole wedding off they had been married for almost 2 years and hid it from basically everyone.

So basically, if you're gonna skimp, skimp on it all. I get photos are important, but if your guests are having a bad time it's gonna show in your photos and you're going to get not great photos.

View Quoted Comment Follow-up question, what would be a good way to interact with the bride/groom at a wedding? That’s something I’m considering since it seems like we’ll be busy and it will be hard to interact with all the guests.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this

View Quoted Comment Exactly. People provide what they can afford.

View Quoted Comment I agree completely

View Quoted Comment Those all sound like poor planning or not caring about guests’ comfort. I’ve been to a couple weddings with gaps (8+ hours in between) and they were miserable so it didn’t come as a surprise that the guest count was so low as a result, according to the couple or parents.

I would say I only notice/remember if something is glaringly bad. For example, one time I attended a wedding where they ran out of food. Another time, I attended an outdoor ceremony in 95-degree weather where no water was provided to guests. Another time, we had to wait in a small holding room for "cocktail hour" (but there were no refreshments) for at least an hour with no place to sit down before we were allowed into the reception. And another time, I was served beef that was literally raw and cold. I've been to a few weddings where I recall drunk guests embarrassing themselves, but that isn't the bride and groom's fault. Aside from things like that, I've been to so many weddings that I do not remember small decor details, etc. It's the overall vibe and comfort level of the guests that I do remember!

View Quoted Comment

At our wedding, my husband and I walked around to each table during dinnertime to greet guests. I think we got to say hi to most people! (~150 guests)