How Many Venues Should You Visit in a Day?

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I didn't think about not having weekend tours! That is essentially my only free time except for evenings... Thanks for the advice!

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If your planning for a specific date and he agreed then you ARE engaged. So there isn't a problem.

We did six in one day and it was a lot. Some of them were close so we walked from venue to venue. I think we started at 10:30am and ended at like 7. We didn't have time for lunch so we were pretty hangry.

To everyone following:

Lets review so we can all get the same clear picture:

1) Stephen had surgery to lengthen his one leg to be the same as the other from an accident 10 years ago. This surgery was long overdue and paid for by his mother. It kept him out of his old job for 6 months. His mother graciously paid most of his bills during this time. He then recovered and got back to work at a his old job. He is now working a new job that he loves and that pays extremely well, saving up money.

2) His promise ring to me was his promise to marry me and love me forever, which excited me very much. It caused me to start planning a wedding and get very excited to which I paused, and asked him if it made him uncomfortable that I was planning because we weren't officially engaged or if I should stop, and he told me that it makes him very happy that I am planning because it means 1) I am excited to marry him and that 2) we will have a very organized and planned wedding. He told me to keep planning.

3) He has been very involved in all planning. Yes he is ok with and WANTS a pink wedding. His inputs, questions, and comments are all listened to and applied to OUR wedding. It is not, I, ME, BRIDE, It is US, WE, COUPLE, and I m very aware of that.

4) I am not picky about the ring I have and love it, if he took it off and proposed with it I would be happy. I could care less if it was a million dollars, 40 dollars, or a candy ring he found under the couch, I care that he loves and wants to marry me, as I should.

5) Then why isn't it real/official to you Elissa? Because he is saving up money for a diamond ring to surprise and propose to me. Then to me, it will be more official and I will call it an "engagement".

My planning is no less valid than anyone else, and I am highly frustrated that a simple question about how many venues I should visit in a day turned into what I feel was an attack on my planning and validity as a future bride.

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry I just don’t get it. He asked you to marry him one day. You said yes. You started planning and set a date. That’s a proposal and an engagement. Congrats!! It’s a great thing.

I just don’t get why you think you need a diamond or a surprise engagement to be “official engaged”. You’re planning a wedding together. So you’re engaged.

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Some people would disagree, which is where this all stemmed from, but thank you for the congratulations, and thank you for calling it for what it is. congratulations to you as well.

While i don't think i need a real ring, or a surprise get down on one knee, some people think that's the definition of engagement, it is very traditional and so is my FH. I guess he doesn't think its a "real" engagement until he does it. I will be sure to have a discussion about it tonight.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how many venues you meet with if you don’t put down a deposit to hold a date. If he’s traditional and wants to “propose” first, how are you going to put down a deposit to hold a venue/date?

3 was the most we did it one day and it was more than enough. We started at 10:30am and weren’t done until past 3. It was absolutely more than enough for 1 day.

View Quoted Comment Well I get that. There IS difference between being given a promise ring and an engagement ring. But if you both agreed to get married on may 19th and to put down money for deposits then the active planning makes you engaged not the ring. You don’t need a proposal to be engaged. Just an agreement you want to get married and to be planning together for a specific date.

Theres a a difference between “we think we might want to have a fall wedding someday” or pinning random ideas on a Pinterest board than “we agreed on may and have been to a venue and will be putting our deposit down on Wednesday”

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I'm gonna write a check and make a deposit. I have to be sure I want to book that venue first, which is why I was asking about how many to visit in one day.

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Absolutely! There is dreaming, which is the Pinterest and stuff you talked about towards the end of your reply. There is Preliminary planning which is beginning decisions like "may" instead of just "spring", and researching and reaching out to begin LOOKING at vendors. And then there is Planning, which is "may 11th 2019, BOOKING vendors, and getting into the nitty gritty details OFFICIALLY.

I am in preliminary planning, Looking not booking yet, but I am engaged. I get what youre saying.

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So you're putting deposits down before actually being engaged?

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Or are you not putting deposits down until you're officially engaged? Why tour venues if you're not ready to put a deposit down?

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What makes someone "actually" engaged is subjective. To me, I am engaged. So if I want to put a deposit down, then I will. Have I put any down yet? No, because I'm still looking.

So why aren’t your parents or his parents going with you to look at venues if he can’t? Why take a friend?

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I could take anyone I want, parents, a friend, a cousin, my sister. I don't know who I'll take if he cant, but I am trying to find time that he can.

View Quoted Comment I agree I wouldn’t have toured venues with out FH. But if I did I would have taken my mom. 1. She’s helping pay (I know not the case for everyone but important for us) 2. Her opinion is the most important to me after his.

If tou have to take anyone else I would take her. She’ll most likely be the person helping you most anyway

So you said you aren’t engaged in your mind but to your parents you are?

im sorry none of this is making any sense at all.

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To me, I am engaged. To my parents, they see me as soon to be engaged. So they are on the train, but not ALL ABOARD! Does that make more sense?

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Not really.