How many showers?!

I have told her. I told her there's too many things going on. And she said, "it's not up to you...just show up when you're told to."

Right, but you're an adult and so is she right? You have the control. You need to be very VERY firm that it makes you incredibly uncomfortable and something needs to change. She doesn't get the final say here, you do.

Wait...let me get this straight:

-Your mom is throwing you an engagement party. Your moh just is pressuring her to plan it sooner rather than later.

-Your moh is throwing you a shower-presumably for your close friends and bridesmaids

-Your aunt is throwing you a shower-presumably for family

-Your coworkers are throwing you a shower-presumably just for your coworkers

So at the end of the day, the only thing your moh is planning is the one shower. Am I missing something?

Yea, Ninja has some of the best advice anyone can offer. She certainly hasn't had a bad day. She is honest and doesn't sugarcoat anything, Those are some of her best qualities.

Anyhow - it's true. You are supposed to stay out of your planning... You are supposed to block things off your calendar and show up. If your MOH is *THAT* weird, why did you ask her to be your MOH? Just wondering. My MOHs are basically my sisters from other misters so I would not find it bizarre for them to show up at my mom's house and talk wedding.

Are you very shy/nervous/anxious? I've known some very meek and shy people who were uncomfortable with being thrown showers but afterwards they were nothing less than ecstatic that they had them. It might be something you just need to pull back from and relax, let it happen. This (should) be your only wedding, enjoy the fun things that come with it because some of us don't have that luxury or have a people in our bridal parties that are very eager.

So you ask for advice and then yell at ninja- the most helpful person on this site- because she gave you advice. Then you tell us this isn't the whole story. If you want us to hold your hand or agree with you that isn't going to happen. I probably won't even get ONE shower. I would be so honored to have people fighting to give me one. and I would have 4 small showers, in your case. Also, you don't NEED an engagement party, so just get rid of that. You are also talking about three showers. In no way, ever, should you be receiving gifts at an engagement party. A party is to celebrate not be greedy.

I'm not a fan of bandwagons in general, but I'm definitely jumping on the Ninjaa-lovin' one right now. She's not somebody you "oh honey." And she knows what it's like to have bad days and still hold her head up high, let me tell you, but this is not a bad day. This is brutal honesty, which is a good thing.

OP, I honestly think your problem can be fixed with communication. Let your MOH know you're uncomfortable with all this. You mention you've already told her? Tell her again. If she's your MOH, this is something you should be able to communicate candidly about. Best of luck with everything!

I would seriously consider the advice given OP. No point in sugar coating anything at this point.

Oh honey, I guess you didn't get the memo that ninja is amazing.

Next time your MOH tells you, ""it's not up to you...just show up when you're told to." Tell her to do the same!! The one shower is hers to plan, everything else is not up to her, and to just show up when shes told.

In all seriousness you need to speak to her about the fact that your boss has made comments about her showing up at your work. That is crossing a line and could potentially affect your work and livelihood. A mature, good friend would understand. Sit her down face to face and be honest.

Okay - serious question... (aside from the "why did you pick a weird MOH?" one that hasn't been answered yet). I saw on your wedding website you only have a Honeyfund and a House Fund for your guests to contribute to. Do you not want showers because you'd rather have people to contribute money or have you just not registered yet?

Oh you guys are great!! I took the advice of someone here and sent everyone an email. Seems like everyone is cooperating now and my MOH and aunt are meeting together this Saturday to see if they can plan a joint party.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions.

And thanks to most of you for being kind.

I realize now and especially after talking with my fiancé about this that this is a crazy thing to be so worried about.

Guess I just had one of those days

Thanks again everyone!

Bethie-

We haven't registered yet. Doing that this weekend. I just feel weird about asking for things. I don't want anyone to feel obligated.

It's-A-Love-Story-- Your unedited post mentioned that you were done with this site and were leaving. I'm happy to see that you edited it and it has a much happier tone. I promise if you stick around you will see how wonderful everyone is!

OP - It is weird but it's the one time in life you can be spoiled! Enjoy every minute of it. I'm glad that your MOH & Aunt are working things out so you can feel more comfortable.

ETA - Really glad I didn't see your unedited post! Taking advice with stride is the way to go! No one wants to hurt your feelings, everyone just wants to put things in perspective for you or offer the best advice they have.

You need to tell your MOH to chill. Its your wedding not hers. As for parties I personally had 2 engagement parties, 3 showers, and then the bach party! This is because my in laws and parents through us an engagement party (the families live a couple hours apart) no one except the bridal party was invited to both. Both sides also through me a shower but again only bridal party then moms and grandmas where invited to both. Then my coworkers through me a small one.

If your not into all of it then though you need to tell them...they should understand all of these are for you. I personally loved every single one of them!

Oh gosh I don't think you are acting ungrateful at all. I'd like to validate your feelings that more than one shower with the same people invited would make me feel uncomfortable. I suggest just directly stating to your MOH or aunt and ask them to plan together, or host it for different circles (MOH - friends / Aunt - Family). I had to ask my family not to throw me an intimate personal shower that is standard for every lady in our family, as we have five boys combined ranging between 7 and 15 when that day comes and I don't want a bunch of stuff that they could accidentally find and be mortified. I wasn't ungrateful, just uncomfortable with that situation.