How many guests should my parents be allowed to invite ?

Well if you ask me, I get your parents are helping but remember it a day for you guys, nobody else and if you want to cute some people without her approval, you have to do what you have to do. Why should you cut people you want there for people she wants that maybe you may not know or wasn’t a big parent of your relationship with your future husband. I’m planning myself and that was a thought for me, I’m only inviting Powell that have been a big part of our lives separate and together then calling it a day. At the end of the day you guys have to be happy, you guys have to be okay with who’s coming and mom will just have to get over it eventually. You are getting married because you want to be together forever don’t let opinions of what other people want or think get in the way of what you want and think. Not return to be rude just helpful, hope this helps. Best of luck and happy planning.

View Quoted Comment I’m having a barn wedding so the indoor space is limited , they do have a little patio we’re we’re having cocktail hour that if we had overflow I guess they can eat outside ? But that’s also if the weather is ok . I really don’t want us to be at max capacity either , then it’s just uncomfortable for everyone

View Quoted Comment Thanks ! I feel the same way but my parents don’t seem to understand that I only want people there that I care about

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Good for you. Well at the end of the day if they won’t cut them you still can and just worry about it later, they are your parents and will forgive you eventually, even if it takes some time. Don’t let this affect you. It’s about you, remember that all the other stuff doesn’t matter. If they don’t understand stop going in circles, you have them the option so again if they don’t do what you want then you guys do it. Again not trying to be rude just helpful.

We have each parent 1 person (our couple) to invite. While yes, some people will decline, you don't want to end up being so over that youre over capacity!

I had a nightmare about this last night lol so definitely following for the feedback

The amount that they should be allowed to invite is none! Zero! Zip! Zilch! This is your wedding! I don’t care if they’re paying for the whole thing they are offering to do this! They can show their friends pictures and take their friends out to dinner anytime they want! But this is the only chance where you will get to share your ceremony with the people that you care about the most! It’s an extremely selfish thing to do when parents want to turn this into their party. This is the exact reason why I told my parents they weren’t helping me out with any of it because I know that it would have turned into my moms wedding and not mine. But again it’s all in what you choose if you want your parents and their friends to experience this day with you then you do what your heart feels. It would just be so unfortunate if you had to eliminate some of your friends that you care about so that your parents can invite their friends that maybe you’ve never met in your life.

It is your wedding just remember that. As long as these are people you and your FH want to celebrate your big day with they should come if not.. No. These people will be in your pictures forever so choose wisely. You should invite a bit over your numbers just to make sure your numbers are covered.

People who contribute money sometimes withdraw that money if their wishes are not followed. So, if you don't do what your parents want, you may lose their contribution.

It's much simpler and more adult to have the wedding you can afford and pay for it yourselves. Then you control the guest list and all the other decisions.

If they’re contributing half for the wedding, they should have a say in half the guest list. If you want full control, you should pay for the wedding yourselves.

Of people who would not be on your own lists of guests, whether family you don't know well, or their friends, at least one large table, about 10, would seem reasonable, based on many weddings your size I have been to. For each set of parents to invite 4-6 couples or small family groups, and end up with 8-10 people, would leave them some people beyond family of their generation and interests to dance and talk with.

This is a tricky one! It depends how many people are on your invite list (the number you're inviting past the 150 total). Does your mom know for sure that some of her friends won't come? I struggled with guest count too, although my situation was a little different because I was doing a destination wedding and trying ti keep it under 60 people. Because of that, my parents didn't get to invite any of their friends, but they understood. It most cases, around 20-30% of guests rsvp no or don't show up at all, so you'd probably be fine just inviting them assuming you'll still come in around your 150 target. You can also invite in phases! That's what I did to keep my numbers under control! Have an A list (immediate family, wedding party & closest friends), B list (friends and extended family), and even a C list (parent's friends if you have room?) and invite in phases! No one ever has to know which list they're on!

Possible compromise, have 2 round of invites. If your mom is so sure not everyone will rsvp, wait until the decline numbers drop your headcount below 150. If at 145, then she gets 5 more off her list. We have a list of “definitely will attend”, “likely to attend”, “50/50”, and “unlikely”. Make sure your declines are from your unlikely pool before add people to your second round or invites.


Fairest thing is to give each parent the same number of invites. So, example your Mom and dad get 2 tables and your in laws also get 2 tables. What was your arrangement with your mom about her contribution? Is it a gift for you to use as you’d like, no strings? Or does she expect to have say over aspects of the wedding? Are you fine returning her money and just telling her to butt out of your planning? What Ive seen is people is host multiple receptions on different weekends, but usually this is in different states/countries to make travel easier for guests. One is for the couples friends and close family, paid for by couple. The second reception is for all of parent’s guests and paid for by parents.

*likely or definitely pool


Edit to fix above

For my first wedding (14 years ago) 10 out of the 130 were my parents’ friends. They were people who knew me from a baby, plus my parents paid a portion of the reception only, so I couldn’t say much.


But this time, zero of my parents friends are invited. We’re not having as large of a wedding (only 65 guests) and FH and I are paying for the entire wedding… So we get to make all of the decisions.
In your case, if your parents are paying for half of the wedding, then 20 invites isn’t very much at all out of 150.

We are sending out invites it 2 bunches the first bunch we are sending out early and are people we absolutely want at the wedding and as we receive no’s from those people we will pick from the 2nd bunch and send them out as we receive more no’s so we can try and invite more people we want to attend

I would suggest her picking a top ten and maybe sending your invites out a bit early so that as some people say no you can send a second batch to her friends so you know you don’t go over your 150 mark. We invited 110 thinking we’ll have 90, we’re having 98, not a big difference but some people who you’re confident won’t show may surprise you so I highly recommend not going over your venue’s max

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the input . I was planning on having a destination wedding or just eloping but they offered to help me pay and asked me to have a local wedding so family could attend could attend . They currently have 60% of the guest list and are paying. For 40%

View Quoted Comment Yes , I understand but they are over their half of the guest count and I’m having a hard time getting my mo to Understand she needs to cut her list down, they just offered to pay for their additional guests , which means I have to cut more of my friends in order to stay under the venue max capacity

I wouldn’t worry about inviting more than capacity. I was in my friends wedding hers was 150 max, she invited more than that and 135 showed up 👍🏼