Devoted November 2019

How involved is your fh in planning?

Mary, on June 16, 2019 at 1:39 PM Posted in Planning 0 50
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My FH has been slightly involved. He tells me when he wants something (like he wants mason jars as peoples cups and he wants to dance to We Are Family when we walk into the reception) but for the most part, he tells me to just plan my perfect wedding and he trusts that it will be amazing. I personally love it because I have been dreaming of my wedding day since I was 8 and I have had a vision of it in my head for over 10 years. He didn't even think he was going to get married until he met me so he had no idea what kind of wedding he wanted. What is your situation? Heavily involved FH or not at all? I'm very interested to know!


  • Jessica
    VIP September 2020
    Jessica ·
    My FH has told me “whatever you want” nearly every time I’ve asked him opinion. The two things he actually gave me input about are location- we both agreed we wanted to get married in the mountains, and the bachelor/bachelorette party- he wants to do a combined party which I think will be lots of fun. Otherwise, he politely listens when I tell him what I’m thinking, but doesn’t offer any input. He told me he wouldn’t care if we got married at the courthouse- this just isn’t his thing, so I don’t take it personally. I do try to keep him in mind as I look at things though and make decisions.
  • Mary
    Devoted November 2019
    Mary ·
    View Quoted Comment

    I try to keep my FH in mind too. I've been incorporating his favorite color and favorite flower a lot. I'm also leaving the groomsman tux up to him. I told him our color palette and trust that it will look good.

  • Laura
    Rockstar November 2019
    Laura ·
    FH has been very minimally involved. I ask his opinion, he gives it sometimes and others says it doesn’t matter, whatever I want is fine.
  • Jasmine
    Savvy February 2020
    Jasmine ·
    Not much at all. He did pick the date (my birthday) which was a big deal for him. Other than that it’s pretty much up to me. I have listened to things he says he likes and try to add them into the ceremony, such as the color scheme. Honestly, if we canceled everything and went to the courthouse he would be fine
  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    Mine wasn’t really involved much either. He has a few specific things he really wanted but other than that he wanted me to have whatever I wanted. It’s great but can be stressful at times because you think they don’t care but they do. Just keep that in mind as you plan and ask for help or opinions when needed. Good luck!
  • Shannon
    Expert June 2021
    Shannon ·

    Adam is opinionated and he is involved. However, there are days he doesn't want to discuss the wedding because it's "so far away, Shannon." I'm a planner and I probably am driving him absolutely crazy. I'm sure that as it gets closer, he'll have more he wants to say about smaller details.

  • A
    Dedicated June 2020
    Ali ·
    At first mine was like whatever you want, babe idc as long as we're doing this. But now he's picking his clothes and some of the decor (we're doing minimal decorating simply because we're renting an already decorated place). I have asked him what kind of dress would he pick out for me (sneaky way of seeing what he wants to see me in. But if I don't like it he's SOL lol) hes thinking about it and will probably get back to me eventually. As long as it's before I start making my dress I'll take it into consideration. He's also given his input on guestbook options (were having guests fill out cards with advice and memories that we're going to put into a frame with our favorite pictures and hang up so it's not sitting on a shelf or in a box rotting) and stuff like that.
  • Tina
    Super August 2019
    Tina ·
    My honey lets me do whatever I want. He is helping me pay for it. He helped me pick some of the main songs. He wants my hair straight and down .. other than that I've come up with the rest. I wanted him more involved but now I'm excited to do it myself bc he will be so surprised and I get my one day. Lol. He gets the honeymoon 2🤩😍🥰😘
  • Soon2BSmith
    Expert October 2020
    Soon2BSmith ·

    My FH is definitely involved! He has never been to a wedding beside his father and step-mother wedding, until he met me. Then it was suddenly at a few weddings lol. So now, he definitely have some ideas on what he likes, doesn't like. Our biggest disagreement, has been over the venue. I decided to go with his pick, so he in turn is letting me have it decorated the way I want.

    I also have incorporated his Caribbean background into the food and entertainment so it definitely a display of both of us.

  • Jasmine
    Rockstar August 2020
    Jasmine ·

    Not really much at all. I would have to ask him questions to get his opinion and sometimes he still doesn't have an answer. It's "whatever you want" or "i don't care". I get it. I didn't expect anything from him lol. The one thing I think sometimes is if he's even taking it seriously.

  • Misstomorris
    Dedicated August 2019
    Misstomorris ·
    We make the major decisions together, and he little stuff we divide in half. I wouldn’t marry him otherwise.
  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    I wanted a courthouse wedding but it was important for him to have a ceremony. So he's very involved.
    My job requires more planning based skills so I do the planning but he tells me what he likes. We do it together
  • Melissa
    Dedicated October 2019
    Melissa ·
    I've come to learn that most FH's are not about the fine details. My guy agreed on the food, dominant color and what type of booze lol But if I throw an idea at him he'll give input! Two of my co-workers are getting married this weekend, and even the groom told me that even his fiance did most of the planning.
  • Anna
    Devoted April 2020
    Anna ·
    I thought mine didnt care. I also never asked him. Until one day he asked to see my planner and tell him what I'm doing. I was shocked. He told me he wants this to be both of our thing. So now I let him know and he puts his input in it.
  • Jennifer
    Super September 2020
    Jennifer ·
    FH is 100% involved, but I am the organizer, executer (of locking things in), and enforcer of the budget 😂. He has input in every decision.
  • Brandi
    Devoted September 2021
    Brandi ·
    I'm all disappointed with my fiance and his family. It seems like no matter what Ideas I bring to him or them it's always "well"... Its not our culture (Mexican). My response is simply well I'm Native American Indian and my culture is important to me also. Our engagement is flying by so fast. Four months already and I feel like all of the stress is on my shoulders.
    So far, nothing from my likes not even my favorite color has been included.
    I know the wedding should be about "us"; not just one side.
    Any advice ladies on how to let my future inlaws and fiance know how disappointed and hurt I really am.
  • Jessica
    VIP September 2020
    Jessica ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Definitely talk to your fiancé about how you are feeling! It isn’t his day, it is about both of you. I think it’s beautiful to incorporate your cultures, and both of your cultures should be present. It’s important to be able to communicate, compromise, and find middle ground- and a wedding can definitely test a couples ability to do that. If you’re having a hard time communicating, premarital counseling might be a good idea to make sure you both have the skills to be successful going forward. I’m sorry you are feeling so hurt and I hope the two of you can find a balance that you’re both happy with. Take care!
  • Mary
    Devoted November 2019
    Mary ·
    View Quoted Comment
    That’s really hard. Definitely tell him what you need/want! Something as small as your favorite color should definitely be included. Compromise is important! Best of luck 😊
  • Kelli
    Dedicated September 2020
    Kelli ·
    At the beginning he wasnt. But this past weekend we went to his moms to see some of the venues we picked out online and he suddenly became very involved. He asked a bunch of questions to the people giving us tours, he picked a few spots on his own and said he liked them and gave good reasons. He was super firm with his mom about not having alcohol. He came up with the idea of having a game table. He really surprised me with how interested he suddenly became. It's nice.
  • Caitlyn
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Caitlyn ·
    View Quoted Comment

    I am in the same boat. My fiance is very opinionated, but only when he feels it is necessary. Things like flowers and color palette he may not care about, until I suggest an idea he really doesn't like, haha. We picked the venue together, and we discussed every single item we added to our registry, I am letting him pick most of the food for dinner, and we listed to music together for three hours to pick our first dance song. We are still in the very early planning stages, so I am also sure that as it get's closer he'll have more opinions (and that I am driving him crazy with the early planning).

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